Before meetings I really did not want to be involved in, I would go out to the warehouse and ask the shipping manager to give me a call about 10-15 minutes in to my direct line at my desk which could be heard from the conference room. I would rush out, answer the call and then pretend I had a large, complicated something to work on that needed attention right now. Worked like a charm. I greased his palm regularly with his favorite adult beverage.

I see where you nickname comes from.
Now wait, how can you grease anything with a beverage? unless the beverage is oily...
just kidding, not native speaker but not stupid either ;D

"Greased his palm" is American-speak for "gave him a bribe". Just in case that got lost in translation...

Always annoyed me....either
Grease the wheels, or
Cross his palm with silver.
I'm so old,I remember....with Telco connected dial-up,
that answering machine program could be programmed to make a call at whatever time/date you input, AND start babbling with whatever "message" you recorded.
Just add a caller ID scam and ....
*Memo-The meeting on Tuesday begins at....*.
"Ohhh, I have to take this call from (anyone recognizable that's vastly more "important" than anyone else in the room) privately"

Thanks for the assist, Dan. I sometimes forget the international nature of this forum.

...it could mean that he picked up a slicer of pizza...

At least you know Adult Beverage isn't a coca cola undressed in a centerfold.

Rule 34 invoked.

fun fact: in Spanish, beverages that have gone through a distillation process (typically with 30-something degrees of alcohol like vodka, whisky, cognac), are for some reason called "white beverages". One is tempted to include milk there too, but no.

hahaha indeed!

I can just miss a meeting then say a customer called me 5 minutes before it started and I was helping them for an hour...no problem there. However the real problem is when you miss a meeting you are still required to know what you miss but no one will tell you. No one takes notes and with my luck, every meeting I show up to is worthless but those that I miss are the only ones that had critical important stuff that now I don't know about. One time a guy was out on FMLA and when he came back...no one brought him up to speed so he got wrote up for not knowing policy changes that happened while he was out. He was required to do things a certain way and since he didn't know, he couldn't and tada...wrote up over it. Did not get fired but it made sure no annual raise and no bonuses for him that year and no promotions.

At some time in the distant past, secretaries would attend meetings and take minutes, which would then be typed up and distributed. Nowadays the best we can hope for is voice recognition software that can review an audio recording (HA!) and recognize maybe half of the words (and skip the sound effects).

"Smithers!"
"Yes, sir?"
"What's with this 'audible flatulence' occurring every third sentence in the automated meeting minutes?"
"That was Homer Simpson, sir."
"Who?"
"Homer Simpson, bald, seriously overweight, marginally competent, his wife painted your nude portrait for a high society event, your political ambitions died in his living room, his daughter shot you in the chest..."
"I don't remember him."
"He is not easy to forget, sir."

We had 6-figure salaried mathematicians taking minutes at our meetings, because we couldn't afford a secretary to do so.....

I bet it came out looking like it was written in Sanskrit and was so garbled that even the mathematician couldn't figure out what he wrote.

Typical!

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baksheesh

An app, how advanced. 24 years ago Wally accomplished the same thing with a little bit of plastic that didn't even work...

I don't need an app for that. My phone is on silent and on my lap. I just pretend it is ringing , look at it and walk out.

Obviously since Dilbert thought of it on company time, the company has the rights to the app and can sell it and make millions. That strategic enough, boss?

Especially since, when you're salaried rather than hourly, the company can (and often does) claim that ALL of your time is "company time."

Unless they require you to fill out a timesheet, which (legally) means you're being treated as hourly, not salaried...

Hold my beer....
"I will not be available for company, or National Security, matters during the Jeopardy! time slot."

That's implied but not stated; maybe Dilbert concocted this app on his own time? He wasted no time testing it, in any case.

I want to create an app that infects everyone in the room. Then you sell the antidote at exorbitant prices. I call it "Corona".

Fortunately, cheap beer will always be cheap.

Unleash the Beast!

And so is the antidote.

I hear there's already an antidote called placebinol that is 99.9% effective.

I need that application too!

"Fake Me a Call"

Installs 500,000+ people that are sick of useless meetings.

you already have it, it is called "alarm clock"

Darn! And I so wanted to hear about his cool app!

An anagram of "strategic direction" is "Great! Not criticised."

Super smart and simple app. Rings when it hears the word "strategic".

How to blow off Captain Oblivious at meetings...

Notice the PHB's eyes when Dilbert said "I have and app that". They say Oh no what did he do this time.

Some old dumb phones had this feature integrated. You could push a button and like 30-60 seconds later it would ring like someone is calling.

Even older...in the pulse dialing days, some systems had a number you could call to ring yourself. In some systems, you just dialed your own number. In others, it was some 4 digit code. I remember, I could dial "4943" and hang up, and a few seconds later it would ring. Of course, so would next door (party lines)....

I recall, back then, a kid at Kings Dominion theme park going to every payphone in a bank, dialing a number, and hanging up, creating a telephone symphony. Must have been the kind that would ring without putting the quarter in, but you had to put the quarter in to actually talk.

There actually was an app like this back in the early 2000s, although it never really caught on. It was easier to just have the phone set a reminder.

Of course, you can always just say your phone is vibrating. Wally uses his pager as an excuse to get out of meetings despite not keeping batteries in it:

<img src="https://assets.amuniversal...."></img>

There are more utterly useless apps out there than it would be possible to count in one lifetime.
This is not one of them.

✅ Spend the night with me and you just stay happy! ➤➤ http://gg.gg/j1d4q

or just use one of various websites that can call you at specified times.
https://www.callmylostphone...
https://www.phonemyphone.com/

I already have an app like that, it is called alarm clock

Just don't let the others see your phone's screen.

Dilbert 1, PHB nil.

A good start. Add a 5 meter PHB detector and you're done.

✅ Spend the night with me and you just stay happy! ➤➤ http://gg.gg/j1d4q

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