Disqus - Latest Comments for verybadcat

Re: [Insert Clever Title Here]: Quit Telling Me I Suck, I Already Know

verybadcat — Sun, 08 Sep 2013 00:12:28 -0000

oh, babycakes.

take a deep breath and count to ten. i'll help:

1. every middle-aged adult has some area of utter incompetence. i know how to get a car loan, and i have an IRA (which has like $1k in it), but i cannot build anything- not a file box, not ikea furniture, not even the cheap shit you buy at target. i cannot operate lawn machinery. i cannot start a lawnmower. i cannot run a weedwacker. i owned a home for five years! when we divorced, the wasbund couldn't buy a week's worth of groceries. he, like, didn't know what to buy. he couldn't balance a checkbook or remember his social. he was thirty three then. to this day, my father still cannot fill out a form properly. he took his blank application to social security office and made an appointment for a clerk to do it for him, interview-style. he has two degrees. my sister is going to cure cancer or some shit, but she's afraid to go alone to get her oil changed. we're all idiot babies on the inside. even those of us who have babies... which..

2. parents have no idea what we're doing. seriously, and truly, no fucking shit, i am biologically programmed to be calmer and more mature. i was a fucking selfish shit the day i went into labor, and i don't know what the fuck happened. it was like as soon as my milk came in, i could think before i spoke. i could decide not to get angry about something stupid. i could decide to stop calling myself a whore in my self-talk. it was like everything i ever tried not to suck at was effortless. it's slowly fading. i'm trying to get my personhood in better shape before it evaporates completely. and while i have a kid, let's not forget that i'll be 34 in november, and i live with my parents, divorced, foreclosed, laid off, my credit score is negative, and my last boyfriend was hospitalized for wanting to kill me. i'm not trying to make my life sound bad (it's really not bad), i'm just being honest...

3. anyone who has a brand that centers around life coaching, goal reaching, creative expression, etc, etc, is going to look like a rockstar, and they're going to sell the hell out of finding yourself, achieving your dreams, finding your muse, et al, blah. and for people who are not content with their lives, these products and personas are like manna from heaven. and more power to 'em- they're happy! but you can't put yourself in their living rooms at night, or their bathrooms in the morning, and that's where they are not so different than you, but it isn't what they sell, because it's what we're all trying to escape from...

4. because even the rockstar life isn't what it seems, and here's the big secret: it isn't even as shiny as the rockstar thinks it is! i had the epic love affair in my social circle when i was married. we were the quintessential happily ever after, and i believed it, because i thought what he and i had was what good love feels like. i want you to stop and think for a minute about your personal informed knowledge of what my marriage was like. yeah. hindsight is one crisp motherfucker, my friend. so don't feel like your general issues are just your own, because the "find your purpose" set has some that they don't even see yet, just by nature of the universe.

5. you are special and talented. you are one of the sweetest, most compassionate people i know. for those of us who seriously ponder kicking the slow guy in front in the back of the knee, you are awe-inspiring. you're obviously good at your job, because it pays your rent, and there are probably other interests and talents you haven't run into yet. i think social media lends itself to the idea that we have this one awesome chance to blossom and bear fruit- before we're thirty. but the truth is, we spend our whole lives changing and becoming. some people make a lifestyle (and a living) out of it, but most of us just evolve. like you have. like you will.

6. you can't just Decide What Your Life Is About. i tried. seriously. i tried. there was the exercise: write things down until something makes you cry. most people take about two hours. after four hours, i wrote "bitterness and suffering" and laid on the floor and cried. BAM! we have a winner! (just kidding.) really, your life is about you being happy. that's it. and not even like "yay rah rah" happy. more like: this weather doesn't totally suck. my kid's pretty cute. i guess my clients could bitch more and pay less. i don't want to strangle my mom today. wow, that's a pretty tree. wow, this random mediocre dinner turned out pretty well. oh damn, is tequila on special at the bar? maybe that girl that hates me isn't working happy. that kind of general contentment that makes the drudgery of daily life tolerable. which it sounds like you have that, you seem generally pleased with your daily life.

7. i think maybe you should make a list as tall as you are of "things that make Kelly happy", and i think they should all be true, and easy enough that they don't require a ten point plan or a savings account of their own. and then every time you feel the way you did when you wrote this, i think you should turn your phone off and do something on the list. i do that. i do that A LOT.

8. no one hates you. if any of those people read this, they would be sad. sad because they make you sad. sad because they would probably feel misunderstood. maybe they would be defensive, maybe they wouldn't, but i don't think you're a turd. i think you are tired of the pressure to feel rah rah about something. and we all understand what that's like.

9. i love you. your friendship is important to me. you may not feel comfortable making medical decisions for others, but you are a safe place for our hearts, and it's a big deal. for real.

10. have you ever tried meditating? it helped me a lot. please don't hate me if i figure out how to brand it. <3 xoxo

love always.

Re: Wine and Love #09

verybadcat — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:56:26 -0000

maybe vegas made you lucky? ;) awesome article on introverts, thanks for the link!

Re: New York State of Mind

verybadcat — Tue, 31 May 2011 01:36:02 -0000

i've been, once. i had a blast for three days and then broke out in uncontrollable hives and tears the fourth day. moar ativan. #countrymouse

Re: I know you want some…

verybadcat — Tue, 31 May 2011 01:05:42 -0000

oh, yesss. i'm thinking crimson. ;)

Re: #BiSC Sponsorships and some more thoughts about bloggers

verybadcat — Mon, 30 May 2011 17:51:39 -0000

i think we forget that anyone who comes to #bisc has an infinite capacity for love and adventure, including ourselves. :) you, my dear, are a treasure. so glad to have met you!

Re: On being oh so very sick, Nashville, and #BiSC

verybadcat — Mon, 30 May 2011 01:53:03 -0000

so awesome to meet you. <3

Re: In which I end up in Vegas with the most wonderful people ever.

verybadcat — Wed, 25 May 2011 15:19:18 -0000

you are officially one of my favorite people, forever and ever. this is just the beginning of what i am certain will be a long standing and much cherished friendship. <3

Re: Vegas, the BiSC way!

verybadcat — Wed, 25 May 2011 15:12:19 -0000

your pictures! you have such an eye! thanks for being such an awesome roomie- I'm so glad to know you. :)

Re: What Do I Owe You?

verybadcat — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 12:57:40 -0000

absolutely lovely. :)

Re: The Deluge

verybadcat — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:02:37 -0000

love this metaphor. :) oh, and you, my dear robot friend.

Re: Flowers From An Airport

verybadcat — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 01:10:35 -0000

i missed this last night: "who makes me feel like the person I am today is a better version of the guy I was before. "

you are such a goner. ;) resistance is futile.

Re: http://jodidey.tumblr.com/post/845902880

verybadcat — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 14:23:12 -0000

i think i maybe love you.

Re: What Do You Want From Me?

verybadcat — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:49:15 -0000

What hospital were you born in? Because maybe we were born in the same hospital? Because you mentioned Cass Lake, and I TOTALLY KNOW WHERE THAT IS. I grew up boating on Crescent Lake and Elizabeth Lake. Where did you go to Elementary school? BABY PICTURES. THAT IS WHAT I WANT.

Re: No Fear?

verybadcat — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:45:54 -0000

when i was little, i used to swim in the ocean at night. the last time i went to the ocean, i thought about it, and was like, OH HELLS NO. bummer.

i'm brave because i'm afraid of everything, so even EXISTING is an act of courage. ;)

Re: Testing the Waters

verybadcat — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 11:26:32 -0000

Growing up in Michigan, everyone and their Uncle had a boat. By the time the wasbund and I started trailering and untrailering ourselves, he had been out with my Dad enough to know what to do. We used to watch couples completely meltdown when they struggled with trailering. (Untrailering is by definition not as hard..) He loved to gloat and snicker and wink- he was so proud that we were like a machine, functioning at top efficiency. I used to adore that. I thought it was so cute that he was so proud.

So it's interesting, in a heartwrenching kind of way, to read this post. Because I know now that he loved gloating like that we had no trouble getting the boat on the trailer. Because I know now that he can't be counted on when there is trouble. Because I know now (figuratively) what it is like to do the work of two people in a relationship, and I know that there will not be a next time. I also know I must accept the possibility that there may not ever be a next time with anyone.

And you're so right- it's all about choosing love at every turn. I just wonder what makes people start unchoosing. Not choosing. Why?

I'm scared that the answer is that if you can unchoose, you never really chose in the first place. There just wasn't enough trouble to find out before.

Re: The One About My Very Best Girlfriend

verybadcat — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:33:57 -0000

Hmm. Perhaps you set the bar for her as well, and helped her to know what that perfect love would look like by showing her the platonic version of it.

Re: My Favorite Things, June 2010

verybadcat — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 11:34:27 -0000

making guac from scratch (my dinner tonight!). blackberry mojitos- with local blackberries and mint. patio drinking. the extra light in the evenings. rockin' thunderstorms. tan lines. the smell of banana boat. sundresses. sandals. etc. ;)

Re: Random Thoughts

verybadcat — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 10:33:32 -0000

i'm kind of losing my mind, but in a good way? thinking i might go out to dinner tonight, to one of my favorite places, by myself, because i feel like it. i have to take a finance test today that i'm a little concerned about. the rumors are flying at the office about impending layoffs, office closings, and all other sorts of buzzkills. my thoughts? just drop the ax and give me my damn severance already. i'll pack a uhaul, start a short sale and take my life back from the corporate monster currently feeding on it, since i get the eerie feeling that it has its eye on my soul for dessert.

Re: Great Songs Talk To You

verybadcat — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:55:57 -0000

There's something about a clever and powerful turn of phrase set to music. As I type this, Seger's "In Your Time" is playing on my computer speakers, and it's an awesome example of a song that speaks to me: "Towering waves/Will crash across your southern capes/Massive storms/Will reach your eastern shores/Fields of green/Will tumble through your summer days/By design/In your time..."

Comforting. Meaningful. Reassuring, without the sugar coating.

Am I really surprised that two more people in this world recognize your inherent awesomeness?

I am not. ;)

Re: Once More Into the Breach

verybadcat — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 12:35:27 -0000

I think we should put that girl from the rescue down. Probably the best solution.

Re: Work On Something Cool

verybadcat — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 14:58:46 -0000

hmm. I'm working on finding my feet as an administrator for a local blogging site. think of it as a teeny tiny 20SB for Asheville (kinda). I'm cheering for the local roller derby league. as in tennis skirt, fishnets, pom poms and raffle ticket sales. I'm working on trying to walk gracefully in a pair of kick ass high heels. If only all of those things and the rest of my life didn't preclude working on my tan...

Re: Random Thoughts

verybadcat — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 13:09:40 -0000

on my mind? the wasbund can suck it if he thinks he's going to get $1200 in back taxes he paid out of me. like, what about the time you drained my checking account while I slept? what about NOT WORKING FOR THREE YEARS? what about every single landscaping implement being broken when you left. what about CHEATING ON ME when you SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A JOB and OUR HOUSE WAS GOING INTO FORECLOSURE. yeah. good luck with that. asshat.

Re: Random Thoughts: The Mojoless Edition

verybadcat — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:47:26 -0000

i have a hot date with my couch tonight. at my house. where i can soak my broken vegas used up feets in warm water with epsom salts, drink chocolate milk, eat oreo ice cream sandwiches and put the heating pad on my crampy bloated tummy. also, am trying to put together a vegas fund for bisc 2011 but can't figure out if the money is safer in a mason jar hidden somewhere in the house or in a bank account or maybe i should find a friend to keep it for me, but i'm not sure i trust anyone (myself most of all) with the magnitude of funds i am attempting to accumulate.

also i have mount everest of laundry and my floors haven't seen a vacuum in almost two weeks and my bathtub is gross. but i'm hard pressed to do much about it because of my broken feet and my cow-like crampy ass state.

glad you asked? ;)

Re: Random Thoughts

verybadcat — Mon, 03 May 2010 11:44:03 -0000

Who. Who is on my mind today. And the only thing I can say about that is, it isn't who you think. ;)

Re: All That Hopey Changey Stuff

verybadcat — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 10:22:57 -0000

you can do both. you can sulk about your news, but also be hopeful that your alternatives are fruitful. i am both today. sulking because flyguy and i had a falling out, but hopeful that i will hear from him and we can get back on track. i so love lilacs. i wish i had a bush in my yard. i bought one, but the wasbund never decided where it should go, so it died. so ironic...