Disqus - Latest Comments for ryanstephens

Re: Work-Life Balance Too Hard? Set Work-Life Boundaries Instead.

Ryan Stephens — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 12:33:30 -0000

Another one I struggle with...

Someone I admire and respect always talks about "work life blend" instead of "work like balance," but I don't particularly like that. I like your boundaries model, better. A blend feels too much like multi-tasking. I want clear lines of delineation and the ability to give my full attention to the task at hand (whether that's work, my family, my fitness, etc.)

Learning to say "no" gracefully is such an important skill.

“I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m afraid I must decline. You see I’m hyper-focused on X right now.”

This approach does two things:
1.) Prevents you from regretting that “yes” and over committing.
2.) People respect those with the conviction to say no.

I actually like Derek Siver's mental framework: "It's either a HELL YES or a no." (Of course, if you have a boss, they might not always agree.)

I'm also reminded that studies show that people who take their vacation days are happier, more respected, and earn more.

The only thing I'd leave as a point of consideration is from the late, and amazing, Clayton Christensen ("How Will You Measure Your Life?") who says that once you determine your boundaries should never make a one-time exception for an extenuating circumstance. If you start making exceptions, your whole life will become a never-ending string of extenuating circumstances. Once you've defined your standards/rules of engagement, etc., it's easier to keep that commitment 100% of the time than 98% of the time.

Re: Embracing the Receive

Ryan Stephens — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 12:10:42 -0000

What a great piece, Jessica. So much of it resonates.

I've always been a scorekeeper on the receiving end, precisely as you've indicated--because I never wanted to owe someone anything.

My late grandmother always used to get frustrated with me. She constantly reminded me to get better at receiving. "Smile and say thank you," she would say.

In reflecting on this piece I'm reminded that often the gift is about how it makes the giver feel. To rob them of that moment, and subsequent feeling, might make us feel noble in the moment, but it's is such a selfish act.

My ultimate takeaway from your post is this line, "Pride holds us back from receiving so many good things in life - love, forgiveness, and bountiful blessings."

Ego is, and always will be, the enemy.

The other underlying takeaway embedded in this post is that friends, confidants and mentors that tell us the truth, no matter the circumstances, are invaluable.

Re: The 4th #ManChat Highlights

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 25 Aug 2017 13:45:17 -0000

I'm *not* anon on Twitter. As such, "mansplaining," "mansplanation" and the like are just asking for trouble. The WrongThink police are insane right now and we've already lost Mark Baxter, TradTX, and Dean Abbott had an incident as well.

I know of at least one co-worker who wasn't/isn't fond of the premise of #ManChat. This week looks like it will be cancelled because of Hurricane Harvey (genuinely unlikely to have power/Internet access), but I'm thinking of sun-setting the chat and/or re-branding it. If the latter, some of these suggestions are solid.

The intent is for it to be non-denominational (if you will). I don't care if you're red pilled, a trad Dad, et al... I just want it to be an outlet for men (and the women that crash; Iris is wonderful) to talk to and learn from one another and, if it makes sense, to connect outside of that chat for deeper discussion.

There was a great moment in the last chat where I guy was tired of his current gig and wanted to pursue a different course of action. 2-3 gents helped steer him in the right direction. That's kind of the epitome of what I'm hoping will happen.

Re: The 4th #ManChat Highlights

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 25 Aug 2017 13:36:23 -0000

If a man can not take criticism in an effort to improve himself, he's not a man.

And, yes, in retrospect, "chat" is pretty awful and reminds me of women playing bunco or gossiping at the hair salon/nail place.

I like @Bart Manson's notion of what our father's and grandfather's would say. I don't hate #Roundtable.

Re: The 4th #ManChat Highlights

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 25 Aug 2017 12:42:18 -0000

Was trying to take action and start vs. waste time on the name. Plus, needed something explanatory and short so as not to waste too many characters w/ hashtag.

With WrongThink always lurking, I'm considering postponing or re-branding anyway so I'm open to any/all suggestions for new name provided intent remains the similar.

Re: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Ryan Stephens — Wed, 26 Apr 2017 09:05:53 -0000

"Stuff for the sake of stuff is exhausting." <--- Precisely the message I intended to convey.

I'm not anti owning things and I don't know that Marie is either. I love that you have things from your childhood at bring you joy and remind you where you've been and what you've learned. Though, I would agree that she'd probably frown on your storage unit. Ha! It's just that so many people own things because a.) someone gave it to them b.) they hoped it would make them happy c.) Jane Doe down the street has it and her family seems happy on Instagram.

The point in so much of my writing is something you already do well: be deliberate about the choices you make.

Renting isn't "throwing away money." Renting can be a viable strategy.

Having a storage unit sometimes makes sense.

The point is to make conscious choices aligned with the things we want to achieve in this world. In the West, we have an abundance of virtually everything, except time. I want to make sure I'm maximizing the use of mine.

Re: The problem with hiring for culture fit

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 24 Feb 2017 14:10:40 -0000

In light of the Uber nightmare, I've (also) been thinking about culture the last few days. I'm not sure which article I read or where I saw it, but I liked the analogy of culture as concrete. When there's just a little bit and it's early, there's still time to shape it, but once there's a lot of it and it's had time to harden, you're left with what you have. You can no longer mold it. You have to break it a part and re-pour. That's a lot of work.

A bit adjacent to your post, but hopefully relevant, so sharing nonetheless.

Re: Costco vs. AT&T – A Lesson in Good Business

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 09:54:01 -0000

Thanks for taking the time to chime in, Bill.

I'd be interested in exactly how your local coffee shop treats you (and/or its other customers) like you all are in school. I'm not a proponent of the "customer is always right" mentality, but I do think that customers should be treated with respect and made to feel welcome.

Re: Costco vs. AT&T – A Lesson in Good Business

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 09:00:14 -0000

Thanks, @Rohan. The post felt almost pedestrian to me, but I'm trying to hit "publish" more often so it means a lot that you enjoyed it.

And, yes, Costco does *a lot* of things well. It's amazing what we can learn from watching good company's go about their business -- and equally amazing how 'simple' some of those things are (i.e. living wage, reasonable CEO pay, embracing equality, et al.)

Re: Change at Buffer: The Next Phase, and Why Our Co-Founder and Our CTO are Moving On

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 11:27:23 -0000

To me, this is the epitome of how these things should happen - a particularly good example given the divisiveness of our current political climate. Many, if not all, of the most impactful things I've worked on involved real people having candid conversations and (GASP) often disagreeing. It's during these conversations that we learn and we grow and almost always end up stronger as a result.

Good for Leo and for Sunil for being upfront about the mis-alignment and good for you for feeling compelled to stick the course with the vision you have for buffer. Sometimes, when we compromise too much, we end up with watered down versions of goods.

Thanks for sharing this and best of luck to all involved; as well as, the success of Buffer (and Matter, for that matter) going forward.

Re: Policies and principles

Ryan Stephens — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 10:53:09 -0000

"Managing by policy is an amateur’s game."

This is something that has taken me a long time to learn -- and something I still struggle with (more so with myself than managing others).

I've been thinking a lot about compasses over maps.

The world moves to quickly to deal with the rigidity of maps. We just need to ensure we're pointed the right direction. I don't *have* to write 500 words a day, but my life is better when I write more often. If I'm feeling good about the amount of content I've produced M-TH, it's okay to skip Friday and watch a movie with the family.

(Of course, that brings to play another principle, right? Which is where prioritizing and layering comes in play.)

Re: No deal

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 17 Jan 2017 11:21:06 -0000

This hits close to home because my career (as a cause marketing fundraiser) largely requires this win-win-win mentality.

Example:

Stripes Convenience Stores offers a free Slush Monkey in exchange for a $1 donation = win for Stripes customers who get one of the stores' most popular items free.

The cancer center I work gets the funds = win for us, win for research, win for our patients (many of which come from communities where Stripes Stores are located)

Customers who donate in a Stripes location have more affinity with the brand. Employees who work for Stripes stores are more engaged and more inclined to work to be loyal to a business who gives back to the community where they live and work = win for Stripes.

Win-Win-Win

I love search for and executing these alliances.

Re: Private victories, public victories

Ryan Stephens — Sun, 18 Dec 2016 21:36:37 -0000

There was a time in my 'blogging-life' when I worried a lot about a niche. I thought that's how you get lots of traffic and readers and the thing I knew most about at that time was 'marketing.' That's actually not true, but I was getting a masters degree in marketing so, at the very least, I was thinking about it a lot. (And hence my awful domain name.)

I rejected the niche approach about 1.5 years later when I decided that I couldn’t think of anything more boring than talking ad nausem about personal branding, social media analytics, or anything else for that matter...(This was around 2011 mind you).

Ever since I've written about countless things. Most notably work/life, social psychology, health and happiness. And I explore top performers and what they do to be successful. My readership is down (of course, there was much less competition in '08-'09), but the connections are stronger and the conversations are more interesting.

Not to simplify too much, but I'd rather be interesting than an expert.

Re: On parenting

Ryan Stephens — Mon, 12 Dec 2016 08:27:37 -0000

Welcome to the club, Rohan. Our little guy, Rhett, is 5+ months and we're enjoying (almost) every minute. Rhett fought the swaddle tooth and nail. Now that he rolls over, he's unswaddled and we miss it because he doesn't sleep near as well. I'm anxious to give him some rice cereal and see if a full tummy helps, but our pediatrician says wait til 6 months.

Re: Healthy means and healthy ends

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 10:05:21 -0000

Agree these things are 'worth' doing regardless, but statistically speaking, someone's bias will always be in search of the outlier (see: "But Willie Nelson is still alive).

That doesn't change the fact that (statistically-speaking) not smoking, limiting alcohol intake, maintaining a healthy body weight, exercising 30+ mins 3-4x/week, wearing sunscreen, et al. greatly increase our odds of living a longer, healthier life.

Re: Peak – a synthesis – The 200 words project

Ryan Stephens — Mon, 21 Nov 2016 11:11:07 -0000

I'm still unconvinced and the more I read the opposing vantage points, the more I'm convinced that Anders research is flawed.

To me, the whole notion of "there's no such thing as innate talent" is almost as dangerous as "follow your passion."

Usain Bolt has innate talent to run fast. That guy is genetically capable of running after than 99.5% of the every other human being alive. Did he cultivate, and spend hours on his craft becoming an Olympic champion and World Record Holder, sure, but innate talent is present nonetheless.

I played collegiate baseball and with guys who are still playing in the big leagues. Some of those guys had the innate ability to have faster hands/motor reflexes, better vision, more explosive fast-twitch movements, et al.

Without cultivating that talent, there's a rare specimen that makes it to the majors, but make no mistake, there's countless other people that could put it 10,000 hours with the best coaches ever and they're never going to hit .300 in the MLB.

Re: What the hell is water

Ryan Stephens — Sun, 13 Nov 2016 09:31:38 -0000

I felt the same way about DFW's '05 commencement when I first encountered it.

I revisit it often.

My favorite takeaways here:
http://ryanstephensmarketin...

Re: Customer retention

Ryan Stephens — Thu, 27 Oct 2016 12:33:54 -0000

I like the human analogy, Rohan.

I will say, that on my team, I would much rather work with an extremely competent surly person than the super happy incompetent person.

Maybe I can be a bit surly myself, but I've come to loathe the happy, cheery people who bring breakfast 1x/week, decorate the office with flowers, et al, but then do lackluster work in which others have to pick up the slack. Give me the sour disposition that I can trust to deliver exemplary work over that person every single time.

Re: Deliberate practice minus the 10,000 hour rule – The 200 words project

Ryan Stephens — Mon, 24 Oct 2016 15:22:49 -0000

"Regardless of domain, a large amount of variance in performance is not explained by deliberate practice and is potentially explainable by other factors. Amount of deliberate practice-- although unquestionably important as a predictor of individual differences in performance from both a statistical and a practice perspective-- is not as important as Ericsson and his colleagues have argued."

Source: Practice Alone Does Not Make Perfect, Studies Find

Re: Purpose of the quantified self

Ryan Stephens — Thu, 11 Aug 2016 09:16:26 -0000

I think this is spot on, Rohan.

I spent entirely too much of 2014 tracking my life. (You can read the results here.)

Looking back, it was a good year for calibration and the last two years (which also consisted of a job change) have been much better partially as a result of things I learned about myself and habits I formed.

As you've articulated, the point isn't the output, it's what we do with that information. And tracking all that stuff helped me also realize the most important metrics to track: Am I getting the 'big' things done? Am I spending enough time with family and friends? Am I carving out time for my keystone habits (i.e. exercise?).

These are all things that make me happy, healthy and productive. If we get the big/important metrics right, the rest of life often falls into place.

Re: Anti-intellectualism and racism

Ryan Stephens — Sat, 23 Jul 2016 20:45:14 -0000

This is a well thought out, well reasoned post and I agree with the overall thesis that anti-intellectualism breeds racism (from all races).

Is Donald Trump a bigot? Yes, it certainly seems that way. And he's most definitely leveraging fear in an attempt to win the votes of the right and undecided voters.

Some random thoughts:

1.) I wish there wasn't a two party system. It fuels this divisiveness.
2.) I wish the right wasn't so fearful of other cultures and people different from them. I wish they actively sought out and encountered people different from them and realized that they're not that different. How many educated Millennials with gay friends and co-workers are still socially conservative? Not many.
3.) I wish the left would acknowledge that some fear and anger are justified responses to endless violent attacks by enemies within. We can't just pray away these problems.
4.) Personally, the following two statements seem to be much more reflective of the left (especially those in college) than the right:

> "The moment we give up our willingness to debate..."
> "...an intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from us."

In my experience, it is the left-leaning intellectuals that insist on political correctness and impose reputational sanctions on those that disagree with their opinions -- even ostracizing others. It's these groups that are prone to violence and stifle dissent. (See: Dozens of left-leaning groups in colleges across the country.)

I love what J.K. Rowling said about people's intolerance for alternative view points:

I find almost everything that Mr. Trump says objectionable. I consider him offensive and bigoted. But he has my full support to come to my country and be offensive and bigoted there. His freedom to speak protects my freedom to call him a bigot. His freedom guarantees mine.

Re: Penny saved is worth more than a penny earned

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 12 Jul 2016 09:17:52 -0000

Thanks for the head's up, Rohan. I'll make that fix today.

I've been a bit tied up myself. We delivered our son (our first) on July 3rd.

Re: Serena, Cristiano and Roger

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 12 Jul 2016 09:15:34 -0000

Speaking of Roger, I'll preface that this is a relatively long read, but it's a fantastic piece from one of the world's most gifted writers, David Foster Wallace, on Federer 'as a religious experience' in 2006:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006...

Re: Penny saved is worth more than a penny earned

Ryan Stephens — Fri, 01 Jul 2016 09:10:48 -0000

I like the distinction between frugal and cheap. I often explain that to my friends who call me cheap. Much to my wife's dismay (kidding, kinda), I force us to be very mindful about our expenses. We have a multi-category Excel sheet.

She was less dismayed when I'd saved enough cash for a down payment on a nice home in a nice area near the cities' inner-loop. Ha! (Buying our time back w/ less commute that most people in our city.)

I also agree with the 'wonderful uses' of money you've outlined. Michael Norton's research on "How to Buy Happiness" supports your point-of-view.

Lastly, a penny saved is worth more than a penny earned, but the most impactful way to change your life is to earn more, *not* to pinch pennies. A lot of people get hung up on $4 Starbucks and other trivial things, but don't negotiate their salary, the APR on their big purchases, etc.

Be mindful of your expenses, yes. A lot of little ones can add up, but we'd be better served focusing on the big wins and trying to earn more via wise investments, a side hustle, a raise, etc.

Re: MVPs and the cringe

Ryan Stephens — Tue, 31 May 2016 09:48:37 -0000

Speaking of MVPs, and your propensity to use/appreciate good visuals, I really liked this one Vala Afshar shared on Twitter on Saturday.

Certainly, some MVP's don't achieve this and it's about shipping and then iterating, but a good illustration nonetheless.