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Re: V is for Vader – Rewriting the Star Wars Prequels

richardinjapan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:35:26 -0000

continued from above

Episode III, The Way It Should Have Been

It’s three years later. Palpatine trains his Sith Army in the Dark Side of the Force. When they graduate, they take a new name with the title “Darth”. Anakin isn’t ready, because he’s still torn by his love for Amidala and friendship for Obiwan. Palpatine urges him to break with the past and accept the Dark Side.

Owen, inspired by Anakin, has tracked him across the galaxy to join him in his fight against slavery. Instead he finds Obiwan on Alderaan (Amidala moved her seat of government there after the battle on Naboo), and learns to his chagrin that the Sith seek to overthrow democracy and install Palpatine as Emperor. Amidala, with two-year-old Luke in her arms, is drawn to Owen, who has much in common with Anakin. She has entered into a marriage of convenience with Organa, who loves the children like his own.

In a blitzkrieg, the Siths eliminate all the good Jedis they can find (only Yoda and Obiwan escape) Now Palpatine unleashes his other secret army, all cloned from Captain Jango Fett’s superior DNA. Led by his Sith warriors, they are invincible, sweep all before them, and take control of government, declaring Palpatine emperor.

However, Anakin is desperate for Amidala. He runs into Owen, who is disdainful of what Anakin has become. Anakin reads Owen’s thoughts, and learns for the first time that Amidala gave birth to a son (Owen never saw Leia). He brainwashes Owen in order to track Amidala down, and speaking through him demands that she join him in the Emperor’s court. However, she spurns him and in his rage, unwittingly helped by Palpatine, he kills her with his mental powers.

Now driven by grief, he flies to Alderaan to take Luke with him, but Obiwan and Yoda team up to defeat him. They unnerve him by saying that Luke died together with his mother. He’s badly wounded, but rescued by storm troopers sent by Palpatine before they can kill him.

To protect the children, they are split up. Leia goes to Organa, who will raise her as his princess now that he inherited Amidala’s title. Luke will go with Owen back to Tatooine. Obiwan asks to stay with them to train the boy, but Owen refuses, saying the Force only leads to evil. Obiwan instead makes his home in the caves outside town, to be available when he is needed. Yoda goes into retirement on Dagobah. Anakin, rushed to surgery, surrenders himself completely to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader.

Oh George, George. Why didn’t you consult me first?

Re: V is for Vader – Rewriting the Star Wars Prequels

richardinjapan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:32:42 -0000

continued from above

Episode II, The Way It Should Have Been

Fifteen years have passed. The Executive Council of the Senate has declared martial law with emergency powers. More planets, having felt their tyranny and seeing that the droid armies are not invincible, have joined the rebellion against the dictatorship. Amidala, now queen, is forced to flee from system to system, always in hiding from the Senate. Palpatine, however, has dropped out of sight.

Anakin is now an adult Jedi, having completed his training with Obiwan. Since Jedis are now vital to a planet’s defense, they can write their own ticket, and since Anakin still secretly loves Amidala, he has devoted himself to protecting Naboo. When she sees him again, she’s impressed – the kid she once bought out of slavery is now a handsome Jedi knight. She never married, although Sen. Organa has long held a torch for her.

Palpatine resurfaces – he has been organizing Jedi knights into a secret force for resistance. He speaks of creating an army with the power to overthrow the dictatorship and reinstitute democracy. Anakin doesn’t want to leave Amidala, but Palpatine flatters him, that with his powers he could do great deeds and win her love. He also exploits Anakin’s weak spot – he promises to eradicate slavery on Tatooine as a test of his new Jedi army’s strength. Obiwan still distrusts Palpatine as a former Jedi, but agrees to go along as a mentor to the young Jedis, and to shield Anakin from Palpatine’s influence.

Tearful parting between Anakin and Amidala. They both confess, then consummate their love.

Anakin returns to his home on Tatooine to eliminate slavery. Palpatine secretly instructs the knights in Dark Side techniques, and leads them into battle against the Hutts. Normally the Hutts are impervious to Jedi powers, but Palpatine suborns Jabba to betray the others. In return for agreeing to free the slaves, Palpatine leaves him in charge of Tatooine. Anakin in gratitude swears eternal obedience to Palpatine. He also takes a last name to celebrate his freedom: because he loves flying, he chooses the name Skywalker. His friend Owen, as a tribute to Anakin’s role in freeing him, also takes the name Skywalker.

Obiwan confronts Palpatine, who admits to being a Sith and defeats him easily. Anakin’s loyalties are torn, but he chooses Palpatine, whom he now calls “Master.”

Obiwan returns to Amidala, whose pregnancy is starting to show. Organa offers to make an honest woman of her, but Obiwan instantly suspects the truth.

Re: V is for Vader – Rewriting the Star Wars Prequels

richardinjapan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:53:20 -0000

continued from above

Improvements over the original:

I had a huge problem with the age of Obiwan in Phantom Menace. According to the “official mythology”, it takes place 13 years before Luke is born. Ewan McGregor played him as a teenager, mid-twenties at most. Do the math, and that would make him 32 years older in Episode IV. Do you think Alec Guinness played a man in his fifties? No way. Here Obiwan is already grown; a full Jedi, mid thirties.
Same with Amidala – I think Lucas wanted her and Obiwan to be teen heartthrobs. A child senator? I don’t think so. In mine she is already 20, and none of this bullshit about being “elected queen.”
I eliminated the stuff about the Force being a religion, with a Messiah (born to a virgin, yet!) and a temple. Mitichlorions?!?! WTF?!?!
How is it possible that no one ever said to Luke: “Skywalker, huh? Any relation to the Anakin Skywalker who became Darth Vader?” Better that both Anakin and Owen don’t have last names, which makes sense if they’re slaves. They will both adopt the name after they are free.
I never understood the rationale about “The boy is too old to begin his training.” Luke was 19 when he started, and Obiwan not much younger than that. If the Jedi are so damn enlightened, why were they so pig-headed about that one point?
And if you’re going to clone an army, wouldn’t you choose a warrior to clone, instead of a lowly bounty hunter?
Another big problem I had with the prequels was the technology, which was without exception more advanced than in the later episodes. It’s preposterous to think that technology would regress over 32 years, or even that droids from a generation later would not be obsolete. That’s why there’s no R2D2 or C3P0 in my script.
Also, why did they portray slavery as no big deal? There were no chains, decent housing, and fairly good morale among the slaves. That’s crazy. SLAVERY SUCKS. Anakin as a former slave should be fanatic about ending it.
Best of all … NO JAR JAR BINKS!

Re: V is for Vader – Rewriting the Star Wars Prequels

richardinjapan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:49:16 -0000

continued from above

After years of grousing about how Episodes 1-3 were a waste of George Lucas’ money and my time, and during my last hour at work on Friday in which I had to appear like I was being productive, I finally sat down and wrote out how the story should have played out, if only George had picked up a phone and consulted me.

Episode I, The Way It Should Have Been

A long time ago … etc.
The galaxy is at peace. Jedi warriors are largely feared and frowned upon, although many wealthy individuals hire them as advisors and bodyguards. Ten thousand worlds jostle for power in the Senate which governs all known planets. The political process is unwieldy, but an Executive Council of potent rulers shepherds legislation through, and the less popular decisions are enforced by the army of battledroids at their disposal.

But there is a problem – a key element in the manufacture of battledroids is in short supply. The last untapped source of the element is in the crust of Naboo, the homeworld of Princess Amidala, her planet’s representative in the Senate. She’s aghast that many of her colleagues are in favor of relocating her planet’s population to stripmine the surface, including many who have been bullied by the droid armies in the past, as well as her ally Senator Palpatine, a former Jedi.

When the Senate votes to force Naboo to relocate, Amidala secedes from the Senate. Fearing for her life, she flees, but the Senate Guard, led by its charismatic Captain Jango Fett, intercepts her, and even her Jedi advisor Obiwan Kenobi can’t talk his way out of it.

INT. SPACEPORT -- DAY

GUARDS surround AMIDALA and KENOBI.

KENOBI
The princess has diplomatic immunity. She may not be stopped.

FETT
I said arrest them!

GUARD 1 lowers his weapon.

GUARD 1
"The princess has diplomatic --"

FETT
Idiot! Don't listen to the Jedi, listen to me. Arrest the princess. If the Jedi says another word, kill him.

A HOODED FIGURE lurks in the background.

JINN
I CAN'T KILL A WOMAN.

Every guard lowers his weapon.

FETT
Who said that? There's another Jedi here!

With the help of maverick Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn, they escape from the guards and make it to hyperspace. Kenobi doesn’t trust Jinn, who he suspects dabbles in the Dark Side.
The ship is damaged, so they must put into Tatooine for repairs. Even Jinn is unable to finagle the shop to do the repairs for the little money they have on hand. However, that very day is a race conducted by the powerful Hutt clan which runs the planet and still practices slavery. Both Kenobi and Jinn recognize the Force within one of the racers, and they hurry to bet all their money on that driver.

EXT. TATOOINE MARKET -- DAY

Kenobi and Jinn join a long line of punters waiting to bet on the race.

JINN
There's no more time to place a bet.

Punter 1 turns away. Kenobi and Jinn move up in line.

PUNTER 1
"There's no more time to place a bet."

KENOBI
You can go first.

Punter 2 gives up his place in line.

PUNTER 2
"You can go first."

JINN
I've got to give up gambling.

Punter 3 gets out of line.

PUNTER 3
"I've got to give up gambling."

Against heavy odds, the unknown racer wins, and steps out of his racer. It’s young Anakin, nine years old. The Jedis recognize his talent in the Force, and buy him from the Hutts. Anakin develops an immediate schoolboy crush on Amidala.

The Hutts learn of Amidala’s presence and send their young protégé Jabba to inform the Senate, which sends Darth Maul to capture her. Anakin senses Darth Maul’s arrival, and warns Amidala to leave the planet. Both Jinn and Kenobi fight Darth Maul, but he defeats them easily. Anakin goes with them, but promises his mother and his best friend Owen that he will return one day and redeem them from slavery.

The evacuation of Naboo has begun, although many citizens prepare to make a last stand to defend their homes. The battledroids assemble on the surface to wipe out the remaining resistance. Yoda and several other Jedis come to the aid of the rebels. Yoda recoils from Anakin, warning Kenobi not to train him as the Dark Side is strong in him.

The Jedis easily defeat the thousands of battledroids – it’s no contest. Suddenly Yoda senses a greater danger; he communicates telepathically with Anakin, telling him to commandeer a fighter and fly it into the atmosphere. Darth Maul, realizing that the battle is lost, has begun bombarding the planet’s surface, and even the assembled Jedis can’t divert that many bombs. However, Anakin is able, with Yoda’s guidance, to push the bombs safely off course.

Meanwhile Jinn, still stinging from his defeat at Darth Maul’s hands, sneaks into the fleet’s flagship and challenges him again. Both recognize the Dark Side in each other, but Jinn knows he can’t allow Darth Maul to live. Maul again defeats Jinn, but before he dies Jinn mentally causes the captain of the ship to trigger the self-destruct.

Yoda, more convinced of Anakin’s power than before, urges Kenobi not to train him, but Kenobi is certain he can direct the boy’s abilities for good.

The Senate is stunned by the defeat of the battledroids, and realize they are not the future of power projection. Heading up the committee to find an alternative, Palpatine rejects the design for a prototype Death Star, and instead calls in the handsome and athletic Captain of the Guard, Jango Fett, for a secret assignment….

Re: V is for Vader – Rewriting the Star Wars Prequels

richardinjapan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:41:53 -0000

I'm with ya, buddy. Here's an essay I wrote on the topic about a year ago.

Rewriting STAR WARS
by Richard Schwartz

Watch in stunned amazement as Richard second-guesses the most successful filmmaker of all time!

Just prior to the release of Phantom Menace, Weird Al Yankovic came out with one of his famous parodies that very accurately extrapolated from internet gossip what the actual story would be. Listening to the parody, I started to imagine what the movie would be like. Then I saw the movie, and the one in my head based on Weird Al's song was better.

If I were to rate the films in points out of 10 (as I do on some scriptwriting peer review sites):
The original - 9
Empire Strikes back - perfect 10
Jedi - 8. The rescue of Han Solo is the single best part of the whole epic, but I subtracted two points for the bloody Ewoks.

Episode One - That's also the grade I give it. It would have been a zero, but for the great duel between Darth Maul and the Liam Neeson Jedi, the only two interesting characters in the whole trilogy. And he killed both of them off!
Episode Two - zero
Episode Three - at this point, George Lucas only needed to score two or more points for an average of five on the Richard Meter. After the fantastic first trilogy, which changed the course of Hollywood history and inspired countless other film makers, all he needed was two points to average out at "Good", which is the lowest I ever like to rate even the lamest scripts I critique online.
And he couldn't do it! Episode Three is a zero, giving him an overall score of four point something (If I was good at math, I'd be producing scripts, not writing them.)

Two lines in particular stick out for me:

"Hi, I'm your half-brother Owen, and this is my girlfriend Beru."

Senator Organa: "My wife and I have always wanted to adopt a little girl."

Welcome to Science Fiction Exposition Theater.