Disqus - Latest Comments for kathleenmaher

Re: When Quitting is the Only Sane Option Left

kathleenmaher — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:24:07 -0000

The toothpicks worked, though, Jan. Even my father didn't complain that it
looked "unlady-like." He just wanted me to quit.

I was 22 years old, recently married, and the guy I used to smoke Kools
menthols with, hanging out outside our high school, had suddenly, shockingly
died--at age 23--of lung cancer. My little sister had just died too--killed
by a drunk driver. I very much wanted to get pregnant. Combine those
incentives with the fact that my new husband didn't smoke, and much as he
loved me (and still does) smoking was not his favorite thing about me. Even
then it was an expensive vice.

Every once in awhile, I'll throw on an old jacket or a skirt will come back
in style and I'll find tooth picks in the pockets. I've always been thin but
since the goal right after I "got clean" was pregnancy, I did not want to
gain unnecessary weight. That, I think, is where the toothpicks made a big
difference. I didn't gain a pound from quitting smoking. My pregnancy
happened as planned and went smoothly.

Besides toothpicks, my method was tapering off. At first I restricted myself
one every one hour (I had a monster habit) and when waiting an entire hour
became tolerable, every two hours...

During those few months, I always knew the time. I could feel when I still
had forty-five minutes to wait, thirty minutes, fifteen, ten,
five--yippee!--time to light up.

I've heard of people who used plastic drinking straws the way I used
toothpicks, but they weren't successful. I'm hoping it won't be so difficult
for you. You said you've quit a thousand times. I could never do that. Going
by books and movies, quitting once was like quitting hard drugs. In fact,
I've read that for some people quitting cigarettes *is* harder to kick than
heroin. But I've also known people who quit as easily as if they had decided
to quit eating cabbage. Anyway, I am seriously pulling for you.

Last little thing: maybe I read it wrong but is your friend Holly trying to
lose *two pounds a week?* Movie stars may claim they do that, but it's
unrealistic. The weight returns and in some cases it can be dangerous. Two
pounds a week means you're not getting the nutrition you need. Two pounds a
*month* is ambitious. And again, while I've never needed to lose weight, I
have friends who battle it constantly. Losing weight looks just as tough as
quitting smoking. In fact, it may be harder. You can't quit *eating
*altogether.
Which is all the more reason to take it slowly. Skip dessert, cut out
butter, exercise a half hour longer or if you don't exercise, start
exercising for a half hour. Of course, anyone who drinks alcohol can shed
pounds by not drinking. But depending on your metabolism that too may pose
another horrendous challenge.
Big up, K.
PS. Indulge yourself in some little thing every week you do not smoke. I
can't believe how hard you work!

Re: When Quitting is the Only Sane Option Left

kathleenmaher — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:18:00 -0000

Congratulations, Jan. I quit smoking 25 years ago and think of it "as the hardest thing I've ever done." And, 25 years later, there are anxious times when I'll pass people smoking on their break from work, and it takes all my will power not to snatch the cigarette from a stranger's hand. But it's a fleeting feeling and one I'd never succumb to--because I'd have to quit all over again.
For years I compensated for habit--not the nicotine--but the prop of a cigarette--with toothpicks. People used to yell from their cars that I wasn't acting lady-like. (Actually, t\They used coarser language.) But toothpicks worked. I'd walk around with one between my fingers or between my lips, hurrying to work and back.
I've seen commercials where people sit around blowing bubbles instead of smoke. So that's an idea, too.
Now here's what I really wanted to tell you: if I was able to quit, Jan--anyone can do it. And you especially.

Re: Speed Limit: 500 Words

kathleenmaher — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:44:20 -0000

Great post, but why consider your nice, tight writing a case of "writer's block?" I subscribe to the under 500 word limit and have learned to write flash fiction following the rule. Since I'm a fiction writer and flash fiction is more popular than other fiction, it has been a happy development.

I do not only write flash fiction, however. I much prefer writing novellas or novels in serial episodes, which I post on my blog. My goal is always 500 per episode but I'll inevitably run over that.

Five hundred or 700, however, I have trouble finding and keeping readers. Could be me or maybe it's fiction.

Lucky for you, you write non-fiction. You can write 500 word episodes to your non-fiction story. Even if sticking to a sequence troubles you, just stay with the subject. Rewriting after you've accumulated 10,000 words (more or less) is required either way.

Re: 10 Blog Lessons I Did Not Learn From Darren Rowse

kathleenmaher — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:18:28 -0000

Jan, I've admired your blog from way back but I don't know you well enough to find a single fault with you. And I'm good at finding fault.
When you say you're not tactful, it could be a cultural difference. People in NYC are famous for their rudeness. But when we're this crowded together it can be important to sum up a situation without flattery or layers of sweetness.
If a cable is crashing from above, it's best to yell, "Get Out of the Way!"
Of course sometimes people are nasty because they're unhappy or bitter. But in a crunch most NYers are really very tolerant. We're packed nose to armpit in a subway car that stops in a black tunnel with no idea of when or if it's going to get going again. Then people trade jokes. That's when they'll soothe someone who's distressed.
Sometimes what some people call tact and depend upon for civil discourse, other people would see as time wasting ambivalence. Get Out of the Way and Cut to the Chase may not be polite but they are effective communication.
So by my lights, you're just tactful enough.

Re: 10 Blog Lessons I Did Not Learn From Darren Rowse

kathleenmaher — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 09:30:28 -0000

So often, Jan, when you write about blogging-- how to be productive, how to disagree with a blogging friend; ideas for better writing, including ways to approach writing, for example, that it works best if one thinks carefully first--your words strike me as true for blogging, yes, but also true for life in general.

To be a better blogger, following Jan, means: Being a considerate person; being truthful but tactful; generous and energetic; and sharing what you know, what interests you, what matters to you, and why.

Imagine if everyone lived like that--or merely attempted as much.

Re: How Blogging Affected My Offline Interaction

kathleenmaher — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 13:17:19 -0000

Nothing wrong with telling a photographer how he might show his work to more people, Jan. If he's bored and impatient now, one day he might wake up and think, Hey, that's what that guy was trying to tell me: imagine if I'd listened three years ago?

From what I can see, in your recommendations here and on Google, you sincerely dedicate a great deal of time and knowledge to helping people.

Prodding a sister into telling her story better isn't wrong either. It's not even impolite dinner conversation where I come from. But then I live with my husband and me. Telling the other to "cut to the chase" is considered helpful, since there are some things that are difficult to say.

Re: Surefire – But Often Ignored – Trick to Superb Writing

kathleenmaher — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 13:07:35 -0000

Always good advice, Jan. I would add that there so many great books that if you find one doesn't "console, distract, and excite" you, pick up another.
Love Toni Morrison, for instance, while Joyce Carol Oates truly puts me to sleep.

Re: Travel As A Religious Experience

kathleenmaher — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 07:19:01 -0000

Jan,
Hey, I was teasing about men praying for self-control. It's just beauty
contests that I don't like that much. But as I said, I like you.
And wouldn't that be great? If I could visit the Philippines?
Big Up, K

Re: Travel As A Religious Experience

kathleenmaher — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:38:15 -0000

A beauty contest, Jan? I won't mention anything about sexism, which is my usual response to beauty contests. Maybe you're finally helping me to see it from a different perspective: nothing wrong with men finding inspiration in feminine beauty. (And maybe the phrases in Filipino or whatever change how one reads the other part.)
Yet, I doubt I'd appreciate a "man's beauty" contest. Most women do see masculine beauty as inspirational and, yes, good reason to pray for self-control. But they see that beauty in terms of one man to one women. Not overall popularity.
Nobody can or even necessarily should try to change what, or who, inspires him or her. And--I'm not humorless. Your observation's fun across all cultures. But it's also cultural, or conditioning--I think--that tells boys this is what beautiful woman looks like: we all agree. While the same culture, if it tells girls anything about beautiful men, tells them to see for herself in a way that allows her to see beauty differently.
Yet no matter what boring old me might say, you, jangeronimo, should never change.
Big Up, K.

Re: Travel As A Religious Experience

kathleenmaher — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:22:35 -0000

An inspiring post: I know that feeling. Maybe someday I'll get travel through the Philippines. It looks like nowhere I've ever been.

Re: When a Blogger Just Wanna Have Fun

kathleenmaher — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:30:05 -0000

Jan, yeehaw? I'm lagging. Last I knew the whoop of joy was woo-hoo. But I
don't have a TV and I don't Twitter. That's why I depend on your blog(s) and
your recommended blogs. Without them, I'd run the old loops into the dust.

Do have massive big fun today! And yeah, anything on facebook, from a rose
to a cake to beers and shots start to feel like token gestures.

Congratulations, too, on your various successes this year. There are
probably much more significant ones than I know about. But I do see your
group of great bloggers (forget the name, Ninja?), a few contest winnings,
etc.

You and Hesham are both driving forces in the internet I know, which might
be a niche--who knows? But in your different ways and style--you're the
writer--the two of you are so energetic are hard working. You really do
great work. If anyone can earn a living from blogging, it's you two. So I
was happy to see you one an award from his Social Network. I sometimes have
trouble getting on it, but he's always improving it.

Your presence is more artistic, although I've no doubt you're quite adept at
technology. Anyway, I can see how you and Hesham might make terrific, if
unofficial, partners. Does that sound crazy to you? It might even annoy you,
I don't know. But it occurred to me, because you are my go-to guys.

Big Up, Jan, One Love, and Happy Birthday--K.

Re: When a Blogger Just Wanna Have Fun

kathleenmaher — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:00:43 -0000

Happy Birthday, Jan. I always learn something from your posts, but I come here knowing I'm out of the loop.
The sites you put up on that Google friend app are always great, too. Often a big help--news I can use.
So I'm grateful to you, and am celebrating the day even if you can't see or hear me.

Re: Too Big For My Breeches – Part 1

kathleenmaher — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:48:04 -0000

Looks like a great time. Bloggers are the best.

Re: My Philosophy in a Bottle of Ketchup

kathleenmaher — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:14:22 -0000

I admire your great and generous spirit, Jan. And from what I can tell, you're having big fun doing what you love and that's fun for all. Do it some more.

Re: The Janus Syndrome

kathleenmaher — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 09:34:43 -0000

Bleeding edge technology--I like that and aim to get some, be me nimble or not.

Re: Facebook’s Content Moment

kathleenmaher — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 15:04:30 -0000

Remembering Whitney Houston breaks my heart.

Re: Science and Poetry

kathleenmaher — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:37:28 -0000

I haven't thought of these distinctions in quite this way and enjoyed reading this. I have known bearded men who would agree to eat with me only if I promised to tell them when food got stuck in their whiskers. It felt like a hard bargain.

Re: Rabbit, Fuck

kathleenmaher — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:07:58 -0000

Original eulogy, Dennis. Updike was one of those writers l loved to hate: such an impossibly great master and underhanded misogynist (pace his many eloquent protestations). His fiction gorgeously showed that no one hated women as much as one who desperately loved them. He was altogether a sublime writer, which very well may have required desire with an aftermath of disgust. Both of which were amazing in their cosmic delicacy.

Oddly, I've never finished a work by Joyce Carol Oates without treating it as an assignment.

Re: You Spin Me Right Round, Baby, Right Round, Like a Record, Baby, Right Round Round Round

kathleenmaher — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:31:34 -0000

I don't know where you found this set of photos, but it more or less shows Bush in sum. Of course, he wreaked destruction almost everywhere he went and that doesn't show up so much as why he might be just the kind of guy who would want or need to. The collection speaks volumes and then some.

Re: The Triumph of Derrièrism

kathleenmaher — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:18:40 -0000

Taking a cue from Mr McPherson, I wonder about those of us who really can't sit through a movie without moving a whole lot more of ourselves than a subtle shift from one butt cheek to the other. What about those, who honestly sometimes have very serious minds, yet squirm compulsively through even the stodgiest movies?
It always comes back to high school. I was once thrown out of an educational film for compulsive squirming based not on boredom but a certain kind of excitement.

Re: 3D Tattos Designs

kathleenmaher — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:12:21 -0000

Some of these are convincing. The first one and the tarantula or spider. Scary.

Re: Question of the Day

kathleenmaher — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:49:44 -0000

Face to face, I'm one of those people who talks most when she's nervous. On the phone I get breathless. Basically everyone makes me so nervous it's past more or less.

Re: In Which I Talk to Hillary Clinton and Have a Little Blub

kathleenmaher — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:44:50 -0000

Yeah, congratulations! Since Hilary's not in line for President or VP, I think she'd make a great Attorney General. But that's not something you can ask her.

Re: Happy Birthday Thelonious Monk

kathleenmaher — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:42:10 -0000

This is good news, Jason. I am long overdue for a dose of Monk. He always makes me feel happier.

Re: Festival Schmestival

kathleenmaher — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 09:54:14 -0000

OHMYWORD! Unhip? I've never gone to Burning Man or even Ireland! I ride subways and live among serial construction sites. Yesterday, deep in thought about my fiction, I almost moseyed into an onrush of speeding traffic on the West Side highway. (My husband saved my life by pulling me back by my hair!) And that's not even my closest call this season.
I do attend a yoga classes in a fourth-floor walk-up tenament, which one of the New York magazines referred to the home of "hipster" yoga, which everyone understood to mean four-flights up, no showers, one toilet, and two hours of vinyasa. We leave looking as if we've jumped in a lake. We leave looking like totally unhip water rats. Our inversions, however, are without parallel and our sun salutations include a three second handstand or headstand. The music includes as much rap as rama-rama.