DISQUS

When my husband proposed to me I seriously thought he was joking, and that I was going to have to push him down a flight of stairs 'casue that ish is not funny. Then he busted the ring out and I was like 'Oh. Okay'

I read somewhere engagement rings didn't become common in this country until courts no longer upheld 'marriage contracts' - apparently the idea was a man would present a woman with a document of his intent to marry, and if he backed out of it she could actually sue him for damages. Eventually people figured out this was a dumb idea and stopped doing it. The ring thing then caught on as a way of offering proof a dude really did want to marry, like collateral. (I don't know if this is actually true and I'm too lazy to cite a source, but feel free to look it up yourself) These rings often contained the intended bride's birthstone

My ring does have a diamond, but it was created in a laboratory in a pressure chamber with lasers, instead of being dug up by orphans and traded for small arms, so I don't have to feel bad about it

*so* not seeing this move, but here goes anyway

"Why didn’t Idris trust his wife enough to tell her about the stalker. If you trust your mate, don’t you trust them enough to tell them the truth?

Yes and no. In a way, many men feel that if we can handle the situation without you all knowing, then we can save some introduced drama/insecurity."

This is a good point; also men don't expect to be the ones getting sexually harrassed so they don't really know what to do. If a man makes unwelcome advances toward a woman that way, she'll call the police, spray him with mace, kick him in the junk, etc. But would a man do all that? Probably not (where would he even kick?) and if he did the law probably wouldn't take him seriously, and he'd end up being the bad guy.

and, I gotta admit if my husband came home and told me some crazy naked chick tried to wrestle him to the ground, I might go find her and set her on fire. That is another thing a man may be trying to avoid by keeping his mouth shut...

"Why do you think think Nas and Kelis split?"

'cause that's what celebrities do, eventually? As a general rule, if they're still together, they aren't that famous...

Sure marriage should be taken seriously, but a lot of people just do it wrong from the start. When you're rich and famous (or at least well off) it's easier to bail on a bad situation, whereas people with less money may stay together because splitting up is *really* expensive, even if they wish they could hate each other to death

It is ... I guess the tradeoff is you only have to do it like, twice a day. I actually never saw them at a store, I'd buy them online by the case

A while after I got married I got an IUD and stopped taking birth control pills... I thought the damn thing had malfunctioned and poked a hole through my uterus or something, but it turns out I had just forgotten what a real period was like (and also what it was like having one EVERY month *sigh*)
I used to like these things called Instead, which give you half a day of pretending you aren't on your period at all, punctuated by an awkward moment of extracting a tiny plastic cup of horror our of yourself every 12 hours or so. But the rest of the time you can wear white pants and dance around and pretty much not worry because it's like a little Hoover dam in there

" (I should of just cursed her out and left, but then I would have been called abusive...such is life.) "

You should have just left (cursing optional) when you found out what she was like in the first place. You shouldn't have to put up with a mean abusive woman any more than a woman should accept abuse from a man. A person who would "provoke/emasculate/demean" someone they supposedly care about is an asshole, so the real question is why do you like women who are assholes?

Maybe someday you'll get tired of being a victim and find a woman that treats you right. In the mean time, here's a test- start showing some degree of emotion in front of each woman you date. If she makes fun of you, stop dating her. Don't even tell her why, just stop doing it (her) and move on. I guarantee your love life will improve.

I heard about this when it first happened... They were making up all kinds of excuses for these men; saying they had post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD does not make people do stuff like that) and that the killings had nothing to do with race because it was a robbery (though nothing had been taken from the couple's home)
A few blogs were really upset about it but otherwise nobody said a word

I wonder if it had been 4 white men killing a black man and his white wife, would the Jesse Jacksons and Al Sharptons of the world still have been so quiet?

So it's ok with you if a man gives you HIV as long as you're sure he caught it from another woman?

Being 'on the down low' is wrong for billions of reasons even before the man drags some hapless woman into it. I feel for any woman who has found herself in that situation she did not deserve. No one should have to put up with cheating no matter who their partner is running around with.

BUT...

That is not the whole story as far as why so many black women are catching more diseases than everyone else. Acting like it is, assuming you'll be safe as long as you don't bang any metrosexual-looking dudes, is how HIV is running rampant in the first place.
You can argue all day long about whether or not those surveys are true, but that is beside the point, and won't save any lives.

Remember that Jay-Z song that something like how you say "love" in thug is "can I hit it raw" ? I think Black women are disproportionately affected by HIV because we are disproportionately likely to *believe* a dude when he says bullshit like that.

My mother taught me the only person responsible for my own well-being is myself; if I don't look out for me I can't expect anyone else to either. Science taught me that being a heterosexual woman at all makes me more at risk for... pretty much every STD that exists. Making a couple of simple requests (wear a condom, show me some test results) can save me a lot of suffering, so why wouldn't I? But I know most women never ask; they don't even think about it (or are afraid to)

It does not matter if a man is on the DL or not. After all, HIV is HIV whether he caught it from another man, a woman, or an isolated drunken fraternity stunt involving a chimpanzee or something... So all this "black women are catching AIDS from secret gay men" talk is distracting from the real issue; that anyone who has unprotected sex *at all* is at risk, especially when so many are walking around with no idea what they have.

People don't want to wear condoms. People don't want to get tested. As long as these irresponsible behaviors persist both women and men will continue to be infected.

Didn't some scientific study find out that only 12% of the population had common sense? Hell if I know how they quantify something like that but I can't argue that they were wrong...

I don't mind chivalry being dead as much as I mind common human courtesy being dead. For instance, opening or holding a door for someone is just polite. If I get there first, I'll do it, but I won't get mad at a dude for opening it for me (WTF is that about anyway? If letting a door just slam in someone's face is rude, acting like someone is a jerk for *not* letting a door slam in your face has to also be rude) Also, if I see a pregnant woman standing on a bus and no able-bodied young man is offering her a seat, I'm certainly not above giving her mine. If a dude does stuff like that it's called 'chivalrous', but if I do that it's just... nice? Why can't people just be nice to other people?

Back when I was in college I took a chemistry lab, during the course of which I broke a lot of (expensive) laboratory glassware. Everytime I'd smash a beaker, or let a test tube roll onto the floor and shatter, or accidently explode a flask full of boiling acid, this guy who had the bench space next to mine would ask me if I was ok and offer to help me clean it up. I couldn't figure out why he'd do that; he was clearly not hitting on me and since I was the one breaking the stuff, why shouldn't I clean it up myself? It took me a long time to get a clue and just say thank you

this isn't advice for regular guys, this is advice for that creepy dude that can't take the hint. Of course those types are exactly the ones that aren't reading this

Although, to be fair some women just don't know how to get their point across. I don't get why someone would agree to date a guy she didn't like because "she has nothing better to do" Really? Your life is that boring? Consider getting a hobby, or go to the Boys & Girls club and teach some kids to read or something useful like that...

If you lift the other days that means you are exercising every day, aren't you? If you are staying healthy and not gaining weight you probably don't have anything to worry about.

I think this is in reference to a study a while back that said 30 minutes of brisk walking each day would stop middle-aged people from gaining weight. People took this to mean 30 minutes of exercise was all anybody needed ever, for anything. While any amount is good for health, for a specific weight loss goal you're (I'm) going to have to do it a lot harder than that.

I guess I'm the only other person who still finds this entertaining... or is still paying attention to it...

Can I try to settle this 'argument' by saying you're both, to some extent, correct?

People in relationships either decide it's not ok to cheat, and then don't, or decide maybe sometimes it is, and then do. If a chick has had it up to ^here^ with a dude and decides that it's an excuse to step out on him, then it's pretty much the luck of the draw for the next dude who happens to be around when she's angry enough/tired enough/horny enough to go for it

That said, it doesn't mean it will be just *any* dude; if she's willing to risk breaking up a happy home to get some strange it had better be worth it. A woman will already know what traits she wants in her man-mistress (manstress? Nah, that one will never catch on) and will be on the look-out for those. It's not like dudes like BlackCritic are luring little girls into the back of their windowless van with promises of candy and funny stories. They are grown women who know what they are doing, they get into that game because they think it looks like fun and they want to play too. The dude can play Casanova all he wants to willing partners who are bored with their own men want to live out that fantasy; after all if someone's ego is so fragile that the smallest slight by their spouse will wound them to the core, there is nothing like a new dude who is "passionate and determined" to win her um, *affection* to make her feel all better... at least for a little while

The only thing I ever ate on the list was the Twix. Maybe the next time I want one I'll just have the bacon instead...

A little defensive there, huh RichBrand? I can't say I totally agree with old dude, but motivation aside, it is nice to see a different perspective. Granted it is two sides of the same stereotypical sexist coin (that women are irrational balls of emotion and men should either try to suppress that fact, or exploit it) But the Critic is basically trying to give an instruction manual to *stop* men like himself from getting your girl by pointing out reasons she might come to him in the first place.

(for the record, I cannot believe girlfrends, or even boyfriends, can be "copped" "stolen" or otherwise "taken" unless they are actually kidnapped and brainwashed into leaving you. Otherwise they just decided to run out on your ass)

ok, so is there anything men do like about valentines day? (besides that)
I actually would be inclined to just let it pass by unacknowledged, but I know my husband still does not actually believe that I really don't care so he will do something really sweet like bake me a pie or salvage my hard drive and I'll be standing there empty handed going 'I thought we agreed not to do anything this year...' like I always do.
I blame society for feeding him these stereotypes in the first place, maybe in a couple more years he will realize it's not some kind of trick when I say I don't want anything and I will not start beating him if he doesn't get me one of those boxes of gamble chocolates in a big red heart-shaped box.

"Something in the air tells me Black women are about to give up on Black men and start dating Pablo and them….."

You say that like it's such a terrible thing... Maybe you'd find something you like?

There is nothing wrong with you wanting a black man, if you aren't attracted to any other sort of man then an interracial relationship isn't going to work for you anyway. Yeah sure it's discouraging when it *looks* like every black man wants to date someone that is not you, but it is a statistical impossibility that all black men have stopped dating black women. He may be hard to find but there's gotta be one out there somewhere (you do just need one, right?)

But if you really *did* want to holler at Enrique, because you liked him and had a lot of things in common I hope you understand that this would not constitute an act of treason against the negro race. If you're worried that your hypothetical IR marriage would be damaging to "the black community" just remember that in this country your kids would still be considered black anyway... But, if you were just doing it because you saw one too many black men running around with Consuela and Priya then you may want to reconsider your motivation before you date... anybody else.

I always thought Volvos were overpriced...

unfortunately finding a mate isn't nearly as logical as finding a car, you can't just pick a weekend when you feel like husband-shopping and pick a shiny new one off the showroom floor.

You ask "So when we choose you why do you suddenly have a problem with the choice?" maybe because... that choice isn't the right one to begin with? Otherwise both parties actually would be okay with it.

There is this stereotype that men never want to get married and women always want to get married and that this is perfectly normal. Actually men don't mind getting married if they find the right woman (and plenty of women never want to be married at all) So if the mere mention of the word causes him to accelerate to escape velocity in the opposite direction, it may not be just that he's afraid of commitment just like all other men. It could just be that he had a problem with the notion of being committed to you specifically

Just because you are a "good woman" (or at least good to him) doesn't mean you are *right* for him. And if you aren't right for him that AUTOMATICALLY means he's not right for you either. So move on and don't take it personal.

'How true is the statement “It ain’t tricking if you got it?”'

I am a nerd and I don't actually know what that means...

To be honest I can only remember two times a strange dude bought me a drink; once the guy was buying for everybody and I just happened to be standing at the bar next to him. The other time I wasn't interested in the guy so I told him I didn't want anything. He insisted so I said I just wanted a glass of water. The bar didn't have that so he bought me a $6 bottled water, which I gave to my friend, while he was looking. Maybe I taught him a valuable lesson?

It's a bad idea to try to buy a woman's... um, "affection" because 98.2% of the time she has already made up her mind about you, so the outcome is predetermined no matter how much money you offer to throw at her

I think in order for anyone to consider pursuing an advanceed degree, they have to be shown the value of it. I got my BS in chemical engineering and all I wanted to do is get the hell away from school and get a real job as fast as I could. One of the main reasons I chose engineering in the first place, over say, pure chemistry or biology (which I actually enjoyed more) is that I felt I would be more likely to get a decent, interesting job with just a bachelor's degree. The thought of staying in school 2 to 5... or 6? more years to get the MS or PhD it would take to become useful in another scientific field made me want to smash a beaker and cut my own throat with it (can you tell I really hated school?...) There was also nothing I cared about enough to subject myself to the apparently miserable lives I saw grad students living.

Flash forward 3 years, now that I have spent some time in the work force and have an idea of what I actually want to do with my career, I can see how an advanced degree would benefit me. There are things I am now actually interested enough in to want to learn more about them, that I could actually devote the time and effort to do research in those subjects. I can also identify specific employment opportunities I may want to pursue for which an advanced degree would be helpful, if not required.

I think students need to be shown earlier what options are available to begin with, and frankly what use an advanced degree would be to them both personally and globally. There is this notion that advanced degrees are for perpetual students who would just rather not "get a real job" when the whole point of going to college at all is so you can do just that. This is a shame because there is a lot of interesting (not necessarily fun, but absolutely interesting) and important work being done in the real world by PhDs in STEM fields. But since they aren't the most visible or obvious career choices (grade school kids know what lawyers or medical doctors are for, but how many know what a PhD physicist or molecular biologist would even do?) a lot fewer people even think of pursuing those kinds of careers to begin with.

there is a lot of this article I just don't get but here goes...

What exactly is this "on a break" business? I was always under the impression that people are either in relationships with each other, or they aren't.
If you have a SO, and you BREAK UP, and then later decide for some reason to get back together (one of the things here I don't get, exes are automatically dead to me) then the stuff that happened while BROKEN UP does not affect current relationship. How could it be dishonest if it is none of their business?

This is not the situation presented in the post however; Mr. Skanky McNasty had aready done dirt when they were together so of course the ex wouldn't trust him. He should go ahead and tell her everything, so she leaves him forever and they can finally end the tired charade they call a relationship... at least that's how it sounds to me the way you presented it, that they're better off without each other to begin with. After all there's probably a good reason they broke up in the first place.

I don't care what you did before me, or if you ever tell me about it. As long as you aren't doing it on the side while you're with me and all your test results come back negative then I got nothing to complain about, so I'm certainly not going to ask for something to camplain about.

If you buy the good kind it won't do that? Not that I know what kind that is...

I'd love it if they just did it in inches the same way they do men's clothing; sure a few feelings would be hurt but it would make shopping *so* much easier. Screw paying extra for a smaller number on the tag, I'd pay more for jeans if I knew up front they would fit without having to try on 10 pairs before I found some that fit correctly. It should not be so serious that you need an Excel spreadsheet

I did the long-distance thing while I was in college. I didn't have any specific plans for him, I just liked him better than... everyone else I'd ever met. I think that and the fact that we were only 3 hours apart (a cheap Greyhound ride away) helped make it work.
Another important factor was that neither of us had time for a short-distance relationship, he was doing graduate research and I was taking extra credit hours every semester just to graduate before my scholarships ran out. He'd already had a girl dump him for "not spending enough time with her" and I didn't want to waste any of my scarce and precious free time on a guy I didn't even like that much. Seeing each other once a month or so was all we had time for, and more companionship than we would have had otherwise. So in a situation like that LDR was actually a pretty good racket.

(later, I moved to the same city and we got married. But even if that part hadn't happened it still would have been worth it...)