Disqus - Latest Comments for Tammy

Re: Friday Edition: Who would you be if you were freed from your past?

Tammy — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:07:58 -0000

Kristin, My 5 year-old daughter said something to me recently that your posting reminded me of. She said, "Mom, do you ever feel like you just don't belong here?" And I said, "You mean here, like where we live?" And she said, "Yes. Sometimes I just feel like I belong somewhere where people speak French."
This completely floored me and made me laugh, because we don't speak French and don't know anyone who does. It's amazing to me that thoughts like that, and your memories of feeling that way, start so early.
I feel also very strongly that there is strength in not completely identifying with any particular group and being "accepted." Being on the outside allows you to be a passionate, curious observer, a seeker of knowledge, and the master of your own domain. Embrace it! Conformity is for the birds.

Re: Friday Edition: Who would you be if you were freed from your past?

Tammy — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:14:57 -0000

If I could erase my past, I would be less afraid of water (swimming, boating, water sports, etc) and roller coasters. I would find energy and excitement in being immersed in the ocean or careening on a roller coaster instead of paralyzed by fear. I would embrace some wild abandon.

Re: When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Tammy — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 11:39:35 -0000

I wanted to be an actress, dancer, astronaut, and private investigator. I still dance and perform whenever I get the chance. Space-faring just seems (and still does)so exciting, vast, exploratory, and I love the idea of leaving all the banal behind to explore the wild, fantastic unknown. As a kid I always carried a journal with me, recording my observations and "clues" about people and events around me. It was my big book of secrets where I would hash out all the questions I had about life and try to answer them, and solve problems. I still keep a journal, and it's still my own little private Idaho, and one day I hope and truly aspire to write a fantastic science fiction epic. In the meantime, as an interior designer, I solve problems and find solutions for people and their spaces.

Re: What are you afraid of?

Tammy — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:44:17 -0000

Wow, Kristin, I have had the exact same experience myself. I've been keeping a journal since I could write (around 5 or 6), and I naively thought it was an understood thing that it's private and no one is allowed to read it. Then I found out my mother read it, and she publicly embarrassed me by quoting something in it, and I was devestated. I've continued writing, and my husband has read it at least twice, and again, I was devestated- completely unhinged. I've had a counselor tell me that the mere act of keeping a journal is an invitation for my husband to read it. Again, I was flabbergasted. Don't these people get it? At any rate, I'm working through that same struggle of keeping on with my writing, but I feel very trepidatious, cautious, and worried that my words will again be used against me one day. But, I have never burned or destroyed any of my journals. Lock them up if you have to, but don't burn them. Reading them yourself years from now will give you so much insight into your own character and what was going on in your own life- I have found it to be priceless.
Lately, I've been reading about and watching Erica Jong interviews, and one of the things she says is: Don't expect approval for telling the truth -(Parents, politicians, colleagues, friends, etc.). It's so very true, and so hard to overcome. I'm working really hard to overcome that fear of disapproval by the people I care about most. Good luck with the blog! It's good to know there's someone else out there like me.

Re: What are you afraid of?

Tammy — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:48:54 -0000

Me too.

Re: What are you afraid of?

Tammy — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:02:36 -0000

Spiders.
Poverty.
Being robbed (again).
Becoming paralyzed.
So many nameless fears...ugh. It's depressing.
I learned something called The Litany Against Fear when I read Dune, by Frank Herbert. It goes like this:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is that little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to seek its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Whenever I'm feeling really freaked out and scared about something, I recite this litany, and it actually makes me feel better and I can calm down.

Re: What’s your best travel tip?

Tammy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:09:56 -0000

I'm not sure if this is a travel tip. It's just my own personal tradition. I always drink tomato juice in flight. I always feel like there's something about traveling, and flying in particular, that just leeches the nutrients out of my body, so the tomato juice replenishes them. Happy trails everybody!

Re: What do you do to promote your own happiness?

Tammy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 11:37:33 -0000

I take dance classes regularly; religiously, even. I always make sure to take time to stretch my body every day (downward facing dog is a moral imperative!). I have a rosemary plant in my garden that I love to smell- just taking a moment to smell it makes me feel calm and happy. Happiness also lies in a great cup of tea, and reading a really great book. And lastly, I have found that making sure my beds are made every morning makes me EXTREMELY happy and very relaxed at the end of the day. Nothing upsets my balance more than a messed-up bed!

Re: What do you want to be thanked for?

Tammy — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:23:37 -0000

This is a great example of good critical thinking, Jamie! I love gnoshing on this one for a while. I have to say, however, that as a mom of two little girls, I work very hard to enforce the saying of the "magic words": "please" and "thank you" (and "bless you" when someone sneezes)- always. Even if it is routine, rote, and habitual, good manners are not a bad habit to have. If you teach your kids from early on to make this type of thing second nature, then they don't have to learn good manners as adults when they should already have it down. Then, as adults with excellent manners, they can ponder the "why" of their gratitude.

Teaching my kids good manners also forces me to keep up with my own good manners. I don't mind if it's automatic, because good manners usually begets good manners from others, and if it doesn't, then shame on them, not you.

Re: What do you want to be thanked for?

Tammy — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:27:13 -0000

I really like it when strangers give me a wave of thanks when I let them change lanes or get in front of me in traffic. I wish it happened every time. Just a nice little acknowledgement from someone who realizes that you didn't have to do that; it was just a friendly thing to do.

Re: What’s your favourite inspirational quote?

Tammy — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 08:15:19 -0000

"Don't panic."- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
"Leap, and the net will appear."- this is from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman
"There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them."
-Vicki Baum (1888 - 1960)
and finally: “Shit, mother, I can’t dance.” – Jack Dalton (my late father-in-law)

Re: What’s your favourite inspirational quote?

Tammy — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:30:15 -0000

Ooh, I thought of a few more...
"The fish is the last to know that it swims in water."- Chinese Proverb
"Work to live. Don't live to work."- I have no idea who said this, but I agree whole-heartedly.
And my email signature quote: "What good is a house if you haven't got a decent planet to put it on?"- Henry David Thoreau
I love that one. :-)

Re: What do you regret?

Tammy — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:38:19 -0000

I regret perming my hair in 1989 (BIG mistake!)- but doing it actually made me learn to love and accept myself the way I am. I love and accept my straight hair!! It is what it is! I have learned to work with what I've got instead of trying to change into something I'm not. A Jamaican woman I used to know said they have a saying in Jamaica that seems appropriate for so many things: "If you can't hear it, you've got to feel it." I also regret not leaving south Florida after college. I've found myself pining for other climes, but feeling too stuck (by time, family, jobs, etc.)to get out of here, and not sure where to go. I just want to be free to explore. There's lots of things I regret, but having some regrets kind of propels you forward too- impetus to change, make amends, dream, hope for the future, strength in knowing what NOT to do next time.

Re: What is your biggest indulgence?

Tammy — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:45:43 -0000

I indulge with a glass of wine almost every evening. I also indulge myself by getting a good haircut every 6 to 8 weeks. I've had cheap haircuts, and you know what I've learned? You get what you pay for. That said, it's not always true that more expensive is better, but with haircuts I don't mind "indulging." My biggest indulgence is books, books, and more books. Ask me to choose between a beautiful piece of jewelry and a new book, and I will take the book, hands down! I love reading and writing. Writing in my journal is a big indulgence, and frankly, sitting hear reading this website and putting my two cents in a big indulgence too. There are so many other things I could be doing, should be doing, but coming here makes me feel really good. :-)

Re: What’s your favourite magazine?

Tammy — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:50:37 -0000

I subscribe to a bunch of design mags because I'm a designer, but honestly, the only one I make sure to pick up and read cover to cover every month is Domino. I really like that magazine, especially because they give you the sources for the products they show. My other long-time subscription favorite is: Popular Science! It is way cool. I started getting this because I am a futurist and a wanna-be scientist, and I thought what better way to keep up with new and future technology as I'm writing my fantastic science fiction epic?! <--My big, audacious dream, by the way.

Re: What would you like to revolutionize?

Tammy — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:47:02 -0000

Good luck if you can even get 6 weeks- and forget about getting paid while you're off. The health care system is the US is a total disgrace. That is what I would revolutionize. And it's not like we have to reinvent the wheel here, you know. So many other countries are already doing it right. And the fact that your employment is tied to your health insurance is the worst thing ever. My husband has a sales rep out of work for 7-8 weeks because she broke her ankle. She only had accumulated enough vacation time to pay her through the first couple of weeks. Beyond that, she was facing not getting paid at all while she's supposed to be recovering. Luckily for her, my husband and some co-workers donated portions of their own paid vacation time to her so that she can continue to recuperate with her income intact. The lesson here in the States is Don't get Sick, Don't have an accident, it's every man for himself, and if you're not independently wealthy you are screwed.

Re: If you believed you were enough, what would you do differently?

Tammy — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 09:08:27 -0000

I whole-heartedly agree with you about playing with my kids and doing my dream work.

Re: How do you want to feel today?

Tammy — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:38:11 -0000

I want to feel lithe, dexterous, like I could walk, skip, jump and run without making a sound. Like a ninja, an elf. I want to feel the unbearable lightness of being. :-)

Re: What are the best Inspirational or “Personal Growth” books you’ve read?

Tammy — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 10:10:58 -0000

I'm not big into personal growth/inspirational books. I tend to find most good works of fiction very inspirational. However, I have read one book of this genre that I found SUPER: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson. There's also another book I read called "Who Moved my Cheese?" (I can't remember the author's name) that I found incredibly inspiring. Both of them remind you to lighten up! Stop struggling so hard to make things perfect or a certain way. Go with the flow, and don't be afraid to change directions when your plans don't seem to be working out the way you first envisioned them.

Re: What would you like your home to say about you?

Tammy — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:57:31 -0000

I would like my home to say that a really hip and cool artist lives here in peace, serenity and casual comfort, and who has the wherewithall to employ a cleaning service. At the moment it looks like a house of chaos where messy children and people with way too many "to do" lists live in a barely contained state of stress.

Re: What’s your beauty dilemma?

Tammy — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:55:47 -0000

I must say that I love my body. I've been thin, petite and athletic all my life, even after 2 kids, and I consider myself partly very lucky and partly very disciplined and in love with dance and exercise. However, I am flat as a pancake, and it has never bothered me before now. I always found a way to look at the bright side of having small boobs- it keeps you looking young, they will never sag, nobody (meaning the men in my life) has ever complained. But I think they got even smaller after having my children (could that even be possible?) and there are many styles of clothing that just look terrible on me that I must completely avoid. I really do not want to get a boob job, but I just wish I had a little more. I also had a couple of precancerous spots removed from my cheek last year which has left an ugly darkish spot in their place. It looks like an age spot, and I'm only 38. That is bumming me out the most- I don't wear a lot of makeup and it's hard to cover up. And I have not had much success with lightening creams.

Re: What’s your beauty dilemma?

Tammy — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:18:36 -0000

Thank you! I'll look into that. :-)

Re: How has astrology influenced your life or a decision?

Tammy — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 09:12:18 -0000

Ever since I was a little girl and first read Linda Goodman's Sun Signs, I have been hooked on astrology. I am a Scorpio- always aspiring to be the eagle type and not the grey lizard or scorpion varieties. Astrology, in applying it to my personal relationships, has always added a layer of richness and texture to the people in my life, and I really like to solve the puzzles of people. There have been many times in my life where I have realized certain truths about people that spring from the knowledge of their sign.

Re: How has astrology influenced your life or a decision?

Tammy — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:14:20 -0000

Yes, the fish is the last to know that it swims in water, as the Chinese say. :-) There's so much more to your astrological chart though than just your sun sign. It's pretty complicated stuff, and I would love to learn more about it and have a real natal chart done by someone that can interpret it correctly. But basically, because there are rising signs, moon signs, and all the other positions of the planetary bodies at the time and place you were born, one simple sun sign description is not enough to encompass a whole person. The more you know, the more you want to know!

Re: What kind of clutter is in your life?

Tammy — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:42:30 -0000

Clutter seems to be a never-ending battle in my house and life, especially after having children. The clutter of children's half-completed artworks, little scraps of paper, notes and business cards left on every counter surface by my husband (and baseball caps!), my to do lists, kid's toys that are too big to be stored out of sight, my desk! Don't even get me started on my desk! Thank god for the Vietnam Veterans Association! They take just about everything and anything you want to donate, and they come and pick it up from your doorstep. I have donated lots and lots and lots to them. However, it still never seems to make a dent! We've also got a lovely collection of glass art, glass bowls, figurines, and decorative chochkees (never sure how to spell that word), and I have made a decision: no more! If one more relative gives me a glass candy dish or vase for Christmas, I'm going to go bananas. I heard a quote this year: "the more you know, the less you need." If it doesn't "do" something useful, then I don't want it. My goal is to make gift-giving holidays an opportunity to give "experiences" (like concert tickets) instead of the exchange of pretty junk.

Re: What’s your favorite eco-friendly habit?

Tammy — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:37:37 -0000

I am recycling almost everything I can. My recycle bins overfloweth every week- I need bigger ones! I opt for no bags or paper bags when I shop at the grocery store. The paper bags get re-used for kids' art projects or splat mats and then are recycled, and I try to re-use whatever plastic bags I acquire. I wash all my laundry in cold water (unless they're really disgusting dishrags & require serious germ-killing) with non-toxic bleach alternative. Unfortunately, I live in a place where driving to get anywhere is an absolute necessity, so I try to consolidate my errands into single trips as much as possible. And finally, since I live in an extremely hot climate, our A/C is constantly running, so I've replaced most of my light bulbs with compact fluorescents (except for the lights that have dimmers- a problem I hope the geniuses work out soon), and I'm constantly turning off the lights and unplugging things that I'm not using. Wow! That's more than I thought I was doing!

Re: What’s your favorite gadget or piece of technology?

Tammy — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:38:57 -0000

My computer, without a doubt. Also, I'm a new iPod user, and I love it. We have so much music in our collection that was just collecting dust, and now all of it is on the iPod. Every day I hear songs that surprise me, remind me, confound me, and delight me. Finally, my digital camera. No more waiting to see how your pictures will turn out! And if you looked like crap in any particular shot, into the little garbage can it goes! How cool is that? Hey, does anyone remember what it was like before fax machines were invented? Seriously, man, that changed the whole world in my view.

Re: What’s your favorite easy thing to cook?

Tammy — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 09:12:10 -0000

I am so lucky that I married a man who cooks! He is amazing, and fast. I manage to put together some tasty food, but it stresses me out and my kids are always nipping at my heels. But our best, quickest, and easiest meals come from my husband throwing some kind of meat on the grille (which cooks real fast) while I steam some veggies. There's very little clean up afterwards too. And I've also learned that the quickest way to get your meal started at the end of a long day is to be diligent about defrosting your food early. Get it out of the freezer before you leave the house. Nothing has killed a decent meal opportunity more than realizing that all your food is still frozen at 6 or 7 pm. That's when we make pasta. :-)

Re: Be a walking contradiction.

Tammy — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 09:10:34 -0000

I love my contradictions. It's so limiting to put so much energy into being all one way or another way. It's not even possible. People try so hard to "define" things, "define" themselves, lock it up in stone, but then further growth becomes hampered or impossible. I wrote this poem last year that sums it up for me: I walk in circles. I am a contradiction. I am high and low. I am black and white. I am Quantum. The answer depends on which door you open. Until then, all possibilities exist and are true. And even afterward. I never said it would be easy to really know me. I prefer to be a mystery, even to me.

Re: What do you find sexy?

Tammy — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 09:26:22 -0000

Big strong hands. Broad shoulders. A strong chin. When a man runs his hand through your hair at the base of your neck. When a man cups your face with his hands. Watching a man shave. Athleticism. Very little body hair. No smoking! Respectful intensity. Humility and a genuine smile. Being able to laugh at yourself and get goofy without overdoing it. Quiet confidence and a happy disposition. Gentleness with children. Wow, is it getting hot in here?

Re: What is something completely luxurious that you dream of owning?

Tammy — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 07:54:12 -0000

The money and guilt-free attitude to have a full-blown deep tissue massage on a weekly basis. Every single week- how fabulous would that be?

Re: What are you excited about right now?

Tammy — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 07:56:11 -0000

I'm excited about all of the new music my husband and I have been discovering this year. I'm most excited right now about politics in America. Excitement because the general interest level seems so palpable and huge. The other side of that coin, though, is an accompanying feeling of dread and worry about how things are going to turn out in November. I'm so curious to know from all of you in Canada, Europe, and Australia, how all of the silliness going on here in the States is playing out in your neck of the woods. It's got me excited, because I finally feel like I am able to think globally and see the big picture in things like I never was able to when I was a younger.

Re: What are you excited about right now?

Tammy — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 07:57:41 -0000

I'm with you! Go Barack Obama!

Re: How do your actions manifest, and contradict, your beliefs?

Tammy — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:13:57 -0000

I am completely horrified & digusted by "factory farming" and how the animals that we eat are raised and treated, and yet, I eat meat in all forms without reservation. I realize that if I, myself,had to hunt & kill animals to eat, I probably would be a vegetarian. However, I know it's extremely unlikely that I will ever be put into that position. The plight of the poor in this country (USA) upsets me greatly, and yet I get extremely angry and unsympathetic when I see people panhandling. I'm sure there's more. :-)

Re: How do your actions manifest, and contradict, your beliefs?

Tammy — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:23:06 -0000

It's uncomfortable to realize how hard it is to put your action where your mouth is. It's so much easier, and less risky, to be a "back-seat driver." It's the path of least resistance, and most people adhere to it. I'm trying very hard to follow up my complaints about things with actual positive action, and right now I'm more in the "awareness" or "consciously incompetent" phase. If I can get to "consciously competent" I'll feel like I've accomplished a great deal.

Re: How do your actions manifest, and contradict, your beliefs?

Tammy — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:47:47 -0000

That's a great story, and quite inspirational. Good for you! It's amazing how exposure to the broader world around us, especially through art, can open people's minds and hearts. Good luck with your play!

Re: What do you find beautiful about your body?

Tammy — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:49:52 -0000

I love my flat, tight tummy, and my arms. My arms look really strong and muscular without being big. The only nickname I ever had in college was "Pipes" because of my arms. I used to wish I had grown taller, but I decided long ago that I love being a petite woman. I feel strong, quick, elegant, and also child-like when it suits me. Studying dance all my life, and yoga and pilates in recent years, has given me a really great mind-body connection, which makes me love my body. I'm flexible and strong, and my body lets me know when it needs attention, healing, action, rest, more water, less alcohol or caffeine, etc. I consider myself truly blessed. I also have a great butt (and my husband lets me know it often, which is really nice. :-)) and nice lips.

Re: What’s the best concert you ever attended?

Tammy — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 09:48:23 -0000

Of course, like all of you, I have a few favorites...The Rolling Stones 1989 Steel Wheels tour at the Orange Bowl in Miami. The Stones are my all-time favorite band, and the whole spectacle of it, the huge stadium, was so fun and fantastic. REM, again at the Orange Bowl in Miami, in the early 90's. They are and continue to be so totally great, I can't say enough good things about them, musically, socially, etc. In 1988 or '89 I went out on a first date with a guy who took me to see a band called the Church at a small club in our college town. They were terrible- drunk and a total mess, but the guy who opened for them was Peter Murphy. I did not know who he was. (He is the former lead singer for Bauhaus.) Peter Murphy put on probably one of the best shows I have ever seen, and his music was magical, moving, thrilling, energizing, sexy. To this day I'm still blown away by that performance. And last but not least- Elvis Costello at the Hard Rock in Orlando, when I turned 30 in 1999. It was just him and his acoustic guitar and a piano player, with dinner theatre seating. He was incredible, and we loved it so much that we have made an effort to see him every time he comes to our area- he's that good. If you get a chance to see Elvis, it's well worth it. :-)