DISQUS

i have an ex boyfriend who told me that the reason he couldnt commit to me was because he was carrying around guilt for being a nazi in a past life.
for real.
the relationship didnt last long after that.

On moisturiser, I found that spending slightly more on a product with retin-a really helped my skin. i use neutrogena naturally even night cream, which is the ONLY thing in my price range that i have found to improve the texture of my skin. i have very large pores and the cream helps to make my skin seem smoother. it also helps to even out my skin tone (although I have freckles, so it cant make that much difference).

my only day time sunscreen gripe is that all the high spf's (im a red head) are really sticky and heavy. aaargh!!

make sure the gal is good looking!

Do: be a normal, thoughtful, polite human being.
Don't: be an idiot.
DUH.

Oh, and, um. Alex. Wow. Those are some pretty hardcore quotes! I guess those women are pretty angry about whatever happened to them/ their sisters/ their mother/ their friends. But I wouldn't say that a handful of radical feminists wholly represent the thoughts and feelings of most women. Additionally, lets not perpetuate the cycle of hate with hate. It doesn't work.

I'd like to respond to Telemachus.

It is true that a womans biology binds her to the role of 'childbearer', and this is inescapable. But to assert, as you have done, that men do not have as deep a bond with their children as women do is doing a huge disservice to men. Men can have, and in many cases do have, as deep a bond with their children as women do. If they do not, they are sadly missing out on a wonderful thing, and to normalise this disconnect, as you have done, is simply further perpetuating the kind of pain that many people feel in response to societal pressures put on them.

Furthermore, your assertion that men and women are 'seperate but equal' in their strengths is a little bit silly. Would it not make more sense to say that people have different strengths and weaknesses to one another? Are not all individuals different?

Men and women are seen as having different strengths and weaknesses because that is what society tells them. Men are 'strong', 'hunters', 'protectors'. Women are 'emotional', 'feminine' and 'soft'. Except that many men arent, and many women arent. Some are, yes, but development of these characteristics should be allowed to be a conscious choice. To say that the interplay of strengths and weaknesses between spouses can make a relationship strong is absolutely correct. To prescribe which strengths and weaknesses belong to whom forces people to behave in ways that are unnatural and restrictive to them.

When you speak about public policiy and men and women coming together to discuss who is best suited to what roles, you are not only denying the rights of the individual, you are also plainly ignoring the reality that all women live with. Men outnumber women in government. Men get paid more money (1 pound to every 70 cents earned by a woman). Men are, believe it or not, still in control of almost every aspect of public and private life. So when you speak of an equal agreement of roles between two parties, you are speaking of something that does not exist. How can a woman make an equal choice when she is not an equal?

Finally, to come back to what you say about feminists wanting to liberate themselves from their own humanity. I disagree. Feminists seek to reclaim their humanity, and all that that means: freedom, choice, respect, love and liberty of self, body and spirit. Feminist are not trying to neuter sexuality, they are leveling the playing field.

People often ask 'why feminism, why not humanism'. They seem to forget that women are people, too! And they also seem to forget that empowering women - to earn as much as men, to have the same legal protection as men, to have the same opportunities - strengthens society as a whole. I will remind Telemachus of what I said earlier about how when women are given these freedoms, they are better equipped to care for themselves, their families and their communities.

Feminism will only exist as long as inequality of freedom and liberty exist. I understand that many people feel alienated by what they perceive to be feminisms focus on women above all things. But the reality is that in order to redress the current imbalance that exists, feminists must promote womens issues. Is that really so hard to fathom?

Men should stop being frightened of feminism and embrace the freedoms for themselves that it brings.

ps... I doubt this would be an argument if we were speaking about civil rights and the right of black people to be paid fairly and given freedom.

Anyone familiar with the actual tenets of third wave feminism will know that todays feminist theory and practice is by and large 'man-friendly'. Feminism is not about sidelining men, nor is it about making women into new and better men. It is simply the belief that the two should throw off the shackles of collective sexual stereotypes and live as authentic individuals.

While I understand that many men struggle with this idea, it is important for both men and women alike to become more aware of how society pigeonholes us and limits us. It's all fair and well for men to say that they would like certain things, but it is important to take the reality of each genders experience into account. For example, even if a man would like to be the sole breadwinner for his household, this may not be a good idea for a variety of reasons; when a woman is financially dependant, the power balance in a relationship changes in favour of the man. Then there is the risk of serious financial struggle: how many households can comfortably run on one income, and what would happen if the husband were to get ill or die? A woman with no work experience and a child is a very vulnerable person indeed, as are her children. To have a spouse who is independent and empowered does not weaken a relationship, it strengthens it, because both parties ultimately have more abundance of experience in their lives.

Feminism is about trying to find balance in these situations. As feminists, women have the right to choose whether to be stay at home mums, career women, single or married. Or anything in between. Men are free to choose their roles as well. These choices seek to empower literally all of our society, as it also empowers men to be free to pursue their own authentic purpose. Surely thats a good thing for everybody concerned?

The very framing of your questions is somewhat problematic. Are these the only choices men have? To be 'manly men' or 'metrosexuals'? To be 'head of the household' or 'nothing'? Is it only 'womens rules' or 'mens rules'? Do you not see how you are dividing and pigeonholing each gender? Why not ask your readers if they have found an identity, instead of having lost one? There are two sides to this coin. Yes, many men feel lost. Many women, too. But it is in this being lost that we have an opportunity to find ourselves, our true selves, free from the shackles of societal expectation.