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3 months ago
in Si Dawson: Three Airports, Two Days on Si Dawson
I was looking for your email to send you this comment because it is rather long and personal. but anyhooo...
I had a smiliar experience when my favourite grandma, who I was named after, died. She had lived with us all our lives, so she literally brought me and my brother up. She was a woman way way ahead of her times, and was, I would say, more progressive than even her own children. She had been educated only till the 4th grade, but that didn't stop her from pursuing her love of knowledge, especially related to spirituality. She had an iron will, was strong as an ox, and hand-washed all her clothes and starched them herself till she was 95. She had no serious health complaints- no high or low blood pressure, no diabetes, no heart ailments.
She was skinny and cooked up a storm and was realllly close to her daughter-in-law, my mum. While I was away in Canada, she fell down while at her ancestral house in Kerala and broke her hip. She was hospitalised, and when I heard, I was sure she would be ok. Nothing ever happened to my grandma afterall. Apparently when she was delirious in hospital from the medication, she would call out my name and my brother's name. She died when I was back home, an overnight journey by train. My brother and I didn't go to the funeral because we were cowards. We didn't think we could handle seeing her dead.
To date, I get the wringing feeling in my tummy when I think of it; and wonder why I never said goodbye.
Thanks for your post. It hit very close home.
I had a smiliar experience when my favourite grandma, who I was named after, died. She had lived with us all our lives, so she literally brought me and my brother up. She was a woman way way ahead of her times, and was, I would say, more progressive than even her own children. She had been educated only till the 4th grade, but that didn't stop her from pursuing her love of knowledge, especially related to spirituality. She had an iron will, was strong as an ox, and hand-washed all her clothes and starched them herself till she was 95. She had no serious health complaints- no high or low blood pressure, no diabetes, no heart ailments.
She was skinny and cooked up a storm and was realllly close to her daughter-in-law, my mum. While I was away in Canada, she fell down while at her ancestral house in Kerala and broke her hip. She was hospitalised, and when I heard, I was sure she would be ok. Nothing ever happened to my grandma afterall. Apparently when she was delirious in hospital from the medication, she would call out my name and my brother's name. She died when I was back home, an overnight journey by train. My brother and I didn't go to the funeral because we were cowards. We didn't think we could handle seeing her dead.
To date, I get the wringing feeling in my tummy when I think of it; and wonder why I never said goodbye.
Thanks for your post. It hit very close home.
1 reply
Firstly, I'd say, don't feel bad about being afraid. Particularly with someone we deeply love, fear of death can resonate very strongly. It's the deepest fear that all of us have. It's the big one.
Secondly, it's never too late to say goodbye. Just imagine her there in front of you, & talk to her. She'll be there.
I did exactly the same thing with my favourite grandma - was too afraid to really connect with her after she died. Still, I can feel she's always with me, so it's not so bad.