DISQUS

I smoke.

I'm so lucky as to have gotten ADD-traits from both sides of my family, allthough my mother quit smoking when she was pregnant.

I some times think that I'm fortunate to not have the hyperactive part of the diagnosis, but the attention disorder is enough for me.

Now, I got I got married this summer, and (yay!) it's been half a year. Already, everything is crumbling and even though I know ADD has a lot to do with it, I can't bring it up. My wife thinks it is running away from my responsibilities if I mention ADD whenever I've forgotten something or make a promise I couldn't keep.

So I've got a problem that I've had my entire life, I smoke to alleviate the symptoms and she says I have to quit. I understand that. It's just that I can't. I'm not on any ADHD-medication (my previous psychiatrist actually gave up on me because I was unable to take the pills every three hours. I forgot. Imagine that.) and every time I get stressed or too unfocused I have a cigarette to calm me down.

It's funny how the Alan Carr's easy-way-to-stop-smoking seems to work for everyone else. Is it just a placebo effect, or does smoking really help? Is there any way of defending that I smoke? Should I even be defending it...? I really wish I didn't smoke, and I've wanted to quit since the time I discovered I was addicted.

Yeah, I'm going to quit smoking.
Tomorrow.

Because right now I really need a cigarette, again.

I'm never going to give up though. Life is hard with ADD/ADHD, but there are more people in the world having a tough time without it than with it. Every time I feel like throwing in the towel and retiring to the next world, I try to keep that in mind. At least I live in a country where I'm pretty much guaranteed to have a place to live and something to eat.

That's something, at least.

(Oh, and sorry for complaining. I was just so full of it right now...)

-Bjørn