Disqus - Latest Comments for FakeGodAlmighty

Re: The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Almighty God is a living man

I Am God Almighty — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:20:49 -0000

Ahem!
Bob was a great musician and conscientious spiritual being. But the ganga gave him brain cancer. Hi-ho.
I wasn't him and he ain't me and that's way it's supposed to be.

Re: The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : The LHC is switched on: We’re Still Here!

I Am God Almighty — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:23:58 -0000

It's been done.

Re: The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Commentards pile up on SJVN

I Am God Almighty — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:40:23 -0000

All will come to pass, except Ballmer will resign (peacefully) and live to be an eighty-seven years old three hundred and twelve pound wheezing self-delusional paranoid with Alzheimer's. His one goal near the end of his life is to dance on the graves of Steve Jobs and Eric Schmidt, which is going to be a tad difficult as Jobs will be cremated and have his ashes shot into space and Schmidt will dance on Ballmer's grave, rather poorly, if you ask me.

It's tough knowing everything.

Re: The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Shocking news

I Am God Almighty — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:26:24 -0000

Part of the problem is that he like many of you genetic mutations, think you're doing my will.
You're not. In a way, I am responsible, because I did the programming that made everything possible, even all you schlubs, and there is a lot of random shit going on, enough to fool you into thinking you have free will, but no where do I specifically command anyone to kill anybody or anything in my name.
(For the record, I never wrote any ten, twelve, fifteen or three thousand eight hundred and twelve commandments)

Re: FSJ Week in Review

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:57:29 -0000

Get back to me - the name GodPad ain't flying by my lawyers - you need to find another sobriquet for your glorified iTouch on steroids.

Re: Larry snaps the mast

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:52:55 -0000

Steve
When have I ever given you reason not to believe in me?
Just remember
I am
not
responsible
for
ninety-eight
per cent
of
all
the
shit
everyone
ascribes
to
ME.
I designed the universe
to unfold
by itself
without
any help
from
ME.
Remember.
I
AM
A
LAZY
GOD!

Thank you for your attention.

Re: FWIW, Jesus didn't always tell the truth, either

I Am God Almighty — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:59:42 -0000

Re: FWIW, Jesus didn't always tell the truth, either

I Am God Almighty — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:56:28 -0000

Supernatural? You think I'm supernatural? You crack me up!
Start here, newbie.

Re: Borg lapdog says you should choose Windows 7 over Snow Leopard

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:18:36 -0000

If there was a Hell, he'd be burning. Listen, we need to finish this new OS or am I doing all the heavy lifting?

Re: Scary fanboy plays God, addresses me directly

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:13:49 -0000

I spoke to this onanist today, no one comes close to impersonating me, I will not allow it. Next time he's toast dust found at bottom of a toaster.

Re: Suck it, Google! Suck it hard, you evil bastards!

I Am God Almighty — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 06:33:48 -0000

I never heard so many prayers or invocations of my name at once. Ever! It was like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir multiplied by ∞ to the googol power. Breathtaking! You'd have thunk a huge meteor was bearing down on the planet, or WWIII finally broke out or Britney Spears or Paris Hilton threatened to project an image of their genitals on the Moon.
"God! No! Help!"
So, for once, I listened, and you're all welcome.
George, I'm putting you in storage on Jupiter for causing this mess. Hope you like diamonds.

Re: Mossberg's official Snow Leopard review -- on video

I Am God Almighty — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 19:16:55 -0000

Shut up, George. There is no penis in the afterlife.

Re: "Likely illegal"? Bitch, please

I Am God Almighty — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 23:57:12 -0000

Where do I begin? So many holes you could steer Betelgeuse through and not singe the edges ...
1.) Egypt didn't enslave the Hebrews (or Jews, for you numbskulls out there). There was never a Moses. This was a myth spun from various tales of ancient Egyptian folklore and rewritten and fashioned by King Solomon, when he committed the Torah to paper and codified the laws of Israel. Even the Ark of The Covenant is a fairy tale. There is no mention of Moses or Moshe in Ancient Egypt history and these people were meticulous record keepers and didn't throw away anything. Think something as traumatic as losing 450,000 of your best workers then having your entire army wiped out by a tsunami by the shores of the Reed Sea (not The Red Sea) would escape the historians and scribes? Horseshit by King Solomon.
2.)Apple poaches talent all the time and gets sued for it - all the time. Apple is poaching people from Mountainview as we type.
3.) Let's say for arguments sake, Jobs analogy is spot on. Fine. I'm sending a Moses right now to free your workers from your wrath Jobs - a freetard Moses if you will - it's gonna' be awesome - and your firstborn will die. Condemned by your own words, oh Mighty Pharaoh Jobs.

Re: Linux: Gaping security hole discovered

I Am God Almighty — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 23:38:29 -0000

Consider him got. Gonna' want that liver Dan, you don't need it anymore

Re: Honestly, Fester, you make it too easy

I Am God Almighty — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:47:19 -0000

Did I mention what version Unix we run up here? It's awesome.

Re: PC World Headline: "As Apple Rots, iPhone Users Revolt"

I Am God Almighty — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:45:04 -0000

Coursey has a small cut penis and that drives him soooooooooo insane, he curses me twenty seven times a day. it's almost like praying.

Re: Hitler hates iTunes

I Am God Almighty — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:42:56 -0000

I'm still getting a pain my side from Hillary's Downfall ... whatever happened to Hillary's Bumblefuck?

Re: Welcome, new readers

I Am God Almighty — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 04:10:51 -0000

As the oughts to draw to a close, Lyons cops the "I shoulda' had a V-8" move and takes a page from Scott Adams and builds a true dedicated long tail media empire based on free contributions of his loyal followers, eventually promoting and doling out honorariums to iJustine, faddah, Eknirb and Mosspuppet, while the rest become like Lyons version of the Wack Pack.

oh by the way, Moshe, quit trying to kill the ferret, it's not his time yet, you're just making him sick and a morphine addict. I won't have it, so stop it right now. Tuberculosis wrapped in pneumonia - bah! - amateur hour. I could rub out the entire campus with pneumatic plague just like that!

Re: Update: I'm ditching Blogger

I Am God Almighty — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 05:57:50 -0000

Wow! Even I'm impressed! You can't find Apple.com at all on Google. That was quick. What's next, an alliance with The Borg?

Re: Woz says this is no big deal

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 14:50:32 -0000

what are you complaining about? I have to see some of the disgusting shit you do, sometimes seventy billion times two centuries before you were born. Suck it up!

Re: I swear to God this just happened

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:28:43 -0000

into the sandbox you cat turd!

Re: I swear to God this just happened

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:27:27 -0000

We use Unix System XI up here - I couldn't wait for you idiots to make an upgrade so I forked it and have been very happy ever since - this OS kernel will be the heart of the aforementioned iFather device - you're gonna' be ecstatic, folks - don't even try to sue me, McBride, you toad-grub, I licensed the original System V from Novell, a lot easier than going through you lot, at least Novell got PAID. Too bad they decided to go to hell with Microsquish, that's what happens with short term non renewable cross patent agreements you get squished.

Re: I swear to God this just happened

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:20:40 -0000

That's why you live in Hell and I live in Heaven. You think you're classy and fun and smart - you're not.

Your sarcasm is very jaw droppingly horrendously stupid. Back to the Water closet Meph and down the pipes you go.

Re: I swear to God this just happened

I Am God Almighty — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:12:36 -0000

Don't swear to me, hydrocarbonaceous gnat, how's your liver feelin' now? Thought so ...
Swear to your mother who gave you up for adoption, will ya'?

Re: iTablet: My hero's journey

I Am God Almighty — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:42:39 -0000

I'm God.

Shut up!

Moses, Jesus, Mohamed, Mormon, Scientology - made up stories by humans trying to control you and attribute it to me.

Stop this shit now!

At least the atheists don't bother me, I do find the agnostics somewhat entertaining.

Worship what you want but leave me out of it, OK?

Stupid monkeys!