Re: The Death of Community

Alma — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:20:12 -0000

I agree with you, Micah--not because I'm some social network hater (though, at times, I do feel that way), but because my personal experience bore that out.

Back in '04, I naively signed up for a MySpazz account on the suggestion of my ex-fiance (that should have been an indication to run away right there). It was a tough time for me. My mother was dying, and I was increasingly isolated from my "real life" friends and life due to the strains of caring for her alone. Late at night, I would get online and try to find like-minded people. Occasionally, I'd write a light-hearted blog. Until my mother actually died, few online "friends" had any clue what I had just been through. I started writing a real blog after that...an open diary that I started as a way of working through my crap...later, it became my way of continuing to talk to friends--and even a way to talk to my mother. Putting stuff out there, in the universe, was important for me--given my past of not being open to anyone. In any case, I got a lot of attention on MySpace. Too much attention. People I didn't know would recognize me in the neighborhood. I had stalkers--including that old ex. It was creepy. So, I went private and started cutting back on what I shared. Earlier this year, I shut down for good because people were just plain awful after a while--misrepresenting themselves and being completely ridiculous. I took some time away from all social media, then opened a twitter account. I stayed because I could get back to just doing it for me. The social part was secondary. I have made some connections there, but how deep do they go? I dunno. I also started my own blog. Surprisingly, and sadly, most of the people who read my blog on MySpace, did not follow me there--though they still proclaimed to be such dear friends and to love my writing. The reality is that they didn't care about me at all. I was just another attraction of a silly site and a way for them to waste time without being too inconvenienced.

In many ways, I love the potential of social media. It's true--you can meet just about anyone. You can connect. But I've found that most people aren't that honest online. They omit things...more things than people do when it's face-to-face. "Real life" has accountability built in. Online communities usually don't. It's pretty easy to leave anonymous comments or hide behind fake names. You can be anyone at all. Who knows what's real and what's not. It's hard to rely on people and trust them unless you've spent a lot of face-to-face time with them--and even then, there isn't any guarantees.

I'm really cautious now about who I let into my "real" life. I might joke with them or converse with them, but there is a certain wall I've built to insulate myself. I met my boyfriend from an online connection, but our relationship developed offline. It was just a tool for us to meet. As for friendships, none of the people I was close to--who I met on MySpace--are still friends. Mostly, I think they never made it to real life friend stature because the connections were ultimately too week. Real relationships come when someone is there for you, every day--because they want to--not because they're bored and avoiding work.

Re: A Rambling Diatribe on Beliefs and Bad Habits

Alma — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 03:41:47 -0000

Hi Micah--I read occasionally, but I think this is my first comment. I just made a huge, life-changing decision and am feeling a lot of the same stuff you've expressed here. A lot of your beliefs/tenets are similar to mine, and I think they're great...but it can be really difficult sometimes to hold yourself to those beliefs. Well, maybe not so difficult...just painful. When you've chosen to be a "better" person, it's a constant struggle not to be a hypocrite.

I'm noticing, as I'm beating myself up, that a lot of the crap I think of as bad habits...welp, it's a matter of perspective. A lot of the things I'm not so proud of are things I need to learn to get past and things that benefitted me in some way in the past. I've felt like I've been learning the same lesson over and over again...but, really, I never learned it in the first place. I thought I did...I convinced myself I did...but I had my blinders on.

And it's okay...how many times I need to stub my toe on my own crap--because, eventually, I will get it. Eventually, the thing I need to get it will fall in my lap--maybe through my own efforts or completely by chance. I think the key to it all is realizing that the shit we think we already know maybe isn't all that simple.

No idea if this makes sense...I can't sleep and may just be mumbling.

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Re: The Death of Community

Re: A Rambling Diatribe on Beliefs and Bad Habits