DISQUS

From a guys perspective, there are a few simple things that the typical non-metro, hetero guy can do to greatly improve his look. First, I see that most guys error on the side of being too casual. The old adage of over-dressing if you are unsure of what to wear is great advice, but this doesn't mean it has to be uncomfortable. Lately, I have been buying great black jeans to wear on days I don't have to wear a suit. Pair the black jeans with a great dress shirt, stylish shoes and add a sport jacket if necessary. (I live in Vancouver, which has a very casual business culture, so I can get away with this.) Second, I feel the key to a great outfit (and ladies, tell me if I am wrong) is the shoes. Put on a great pair of shoes and you can take the average outfit to a whole new level. However, put an average pair or a too casual pair of shoes on and the outfit will end up looking way worse than it should. On that note, you don't have to spend a fortune on shoes, but if you don't spend a lot on shoes, remember they won't last. Treat less expensive brands as semi-disposable and replace them every year or two at the most. However, always buy the best quality you can afford. Third, don't be afraid of bold colors, but find out what colors look good on you. Lastly, work hard to smell great. Find a cologne that smells great on you and don't be hesitant to spend for the best brands. When you start receiving compliments on how you smell and people asking what brand you are using, you know you have found the right one. My favorite is Joop.

Melissa, I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can say I have thought about it many times. I am a 41 year old man who is very athletic, but I have enough bad habits and questionable family history to suggest that my fate may lie on this very road. My first thought upon reading your post was that we are all, of course, dying from the moment we are born, its just that some are in the fast lane and some cross over the median and find it head on. You rammed into the median and were lucky enough to bounce back, so to speak. Hopefully this week's chest pains are related to the world economy and not a recurrence of last year's attack. Worrying about them now can only enhance the issue not help it. Think positively! Everyone around you is probably not talking about it in order to keep you positive, so don't read too much into their reaction to this. They likely thought they had lost you last year and don't want to think about that scenario again.

Now what to take from last year's experience? You always hear of people who move on from life changing experience to suddenly have an amazing clarity and drive to become the ultimate "super-person" that we would all like to emulate. However, for most of us, change of that nature is for the most part unattainable or at least very difficult. We still have the same life and daily responsibilities that are not going to accept any major changes. Your family, friends and colleagues did not go through the same event (although they have obviously been beside you and affected by your experience) and thus are not really much different. The home, career and neighborhood are still the same. So, unless someone is willing to completely alter everything in their life through a complete upheaval, changes available to them are going to be very minor even in the aftermath of such a major event. Change is difficult at the best of times, and the world is definitely not in the best of times. My suggestion is look at all the good things in your life and relish and build upon them. Enjoy those things that you have had a lucky second chance to experience and savor. Say all the things you have been putting off that you would have really regretted not being able to say if you hadn't survived. But, don't worry about needing to make major changes as we have usually built the lives we are in for a reason. To me, this event has given you the focus to tweak that life and enhance it. After this week try not to worry about dying, your fate is hopefully in the future like the rest of us, but you have been given a lucky wake up call that you survived. Use that luck to make the lives around you better off for your being there, no matter how much longer that is for!

All the best, my thoughts are with you!!

I'm with Danielle on this one...barely want to ever consider it!! However, if you force me, my last meal would be at Cioppino's (my favorite place for many reasons!!) and it would last for as long as it would take me to plow through the whole menu (which would be quite awhile!!). I would then begin asking Pino to "create" and I figure I could stretch this last meal to near eternity!! However, I suspect this isn't in the spirit of the question, so I'll go with this...I would start with hot wings (my biggest indulgence!), move on to a arugula, pear and stilton salad, braised veal cheek pasta and the biggest porterhouse steak (rare side of medium rare) with melted blue cheese on top, paired with a bottle of 1990 Chateau Petrus. Dessert would consist of a huge box of Bernard Callebaut chocolates, a bottle of 1963 Dow port and a large Cohiba. Besides my wife, kids, Dad and Mom (passed in 1999), I would also invite my friends...it would be a party!!

Some other suggestions from my 10 years of business travel:

- start adjusting to your destination time zone well in advance. They say it takes a day per hour of change to completely adjust, so if you are heading east, start getting up/go to bed 3 hours earlier, 3 days ahead for a 3 time zone change. Even if you are going to further, this partial change can make a big difference, especially if you are doing any work when you get there.
- similarly, think in the new time zone...set your watch as soon as you get on the plane, eat (if possible) at proper times for your destination and never think about how tired you are because the time at home is "x" o'clock. And, above all, don't go to bed at an odd time the day you arrive just because you are too tired/not tired enough.
- compile hardcopies of all your confirmation numbers, photocopy of your passport (in Europe, you are required to have your passport with you at all times in many places), maps of where your destination hotels are (taxi drivers may mistake your pronunciation, even in english speaking countries)...better to show them the name and location.
- ask others for recommended hotels, restaurants and unique destinations
- enter all of your hotel, restaurant and any other phone numbers you can think of for your destination into your cell phone before you leave home so you have them handy. Also, enter your credit card company, bank, doctor, travel agent phone numbers in case of emergencies. Keep your credit card number stored somewhere other than your wallet in case you lose it.
- if you go to certain foreign destinations on a regular basis, don't always exchange your currency back when you return. You can spend a lot of money changing currencies. Also, keep enough to at least get you from the airport to the hotel, especially if you tend to arrive at odd hours when an instant teller machine isn't handy and currency exchange booths are closed.

That looks like a great product!! Thanks!

How I feel for you, Cat! And I congratulate you on posting your true feelings and sharing your situation. I think the second half of your post shows you have your own answer to this dilemma. As far as being frightened, my thought is that since your are a self-proclaimed bottom, the changes that you are going to be making should not scare you too much, as status quo seems even scarier. I don't believe your next stage of your life can be any more negative than where you are now. You mentioned that you are at a crossroads. If I can suggest a related visual, think of your current situation as you are standing at a fork in the road...behind you is your present, ahead is your future, but your choice of roads will take you forward and both are positive. Don't look back. One of favorite quotes is, "You may be on the road to success, but if you stand still, you are going to get run over". Another one is from Michael Jordan, "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." In this vein, don't fret that your life is not succeeding, it is just at one of those times that you will look back on and chalk up to experience. Good luck, Cat...let that "beautiful, full of life, empowered, and especially very centered and calm" person free!! Once you do, it will be others that are envying you!

You can risk the shell, but never the nut...my Dad's favorite saying!!

What do you do when you have tried everything you can think of and still she has no interest? I've gotten to the point where even I have given up trying (and I have to be the horniest guy north of Charlie Sheen!). Why does someone not want to partake in one of the most enjoyable, incredible experiences in this world??

My biggest complaint about others (and I have lots of them), is people seeing the negative side of situations. No matter what the problem is, most choose to focus on the negative without ever considering the potential for a positive solution. The glass half-full/empty saying is massively overused, but since it is such a simple and clear analogy it is hard to ignore. Problems, set-backs and failures are all opportunities to evaluate and re-evaluate our approaches. Dwelling on the negative components of an issue and not attempting to find a creative solution is, in my mind, the actual failure most make. My wish is for people to seek the positive and thus create a more enjoyable world for themselves and those around them.

My introspective complaint is that I am a serial procrastinator (notice that I am writing this a day late!!). I want to believe this is because I am looking to make the perfect decisions, however, I know that many times it is due to shear laziness! I need deadlines to motivate me, but I tend to estimate how long it will take me to complete the work and then begin exactly that amount of time prior to the deadline. My personal wish is to work hard to begin tasks when they arrive rather than when they need to be done.

Sports...any kind of game that has even a modicum of activity involved with it. I find it nearly impossible to motivate myself to go exercise for the sake of it. The funny thing is, I enjoy doing the exercise once I get going, but I just never make the time, it seems. However, tie a game to the activity and I am all over it. A friend of mine invited me to his boxing match last week...White-collar Boxing it is called. Maybe have to give that a try. Nothing like the fear of getting pummeled to motivate the workouts!

Of course there are so many answers for every situation relating to this Q that coming up with one that attempts to summarize them all seemed impossible to me. Thus, I will use your LS Map to expand my thoughts (I'm sure you can sense my analytical nature already!)

H&S: My home and possessions are extensions of my personality, vintage mixed with modern to create balance...when I achieve a sense of balance, harmony and creativity follow.
F&S: When I put on the perfectly fitting outfit, my confidence and flirtatiousness instantly peaks. Shyness evaporates!
S&L: When I read/see something/one that reminds me of how extremely lucky I am to live in my world...my reflections on our society and how I can impact positive change usually culminate in very deep and thoughtful revelations.
S&W: When I realize that average people have the ability to impact another person's view or life, I am motivated to seek opportunities to support another person's dream. Philanthropy is rewarding, but dream facilitation is euphoric.
R&C: When I listen first and talk later...it is amazing how understanding another's issue supplies answers/insights into your own challenges.
C&C: Creativity arrives when I am most relaxed and have unencumbered time, while still having a topic at the tip of my consciousness. Sitting alone by the fire, staring at the view, finishing that last glass of red after everyone else has called it a night...pure inspiration often beckons!
B&W: Given the way I treat my body, perhaps this should read "Body minus Wellness! When my adrenaline and competitiveness are high enough to perform at my peak, but not so high as to over-attack, inspiration on the sporting ground usually arrives an instant before the play needs to be made.
N&R: Anywhere in the proximity of flowing water. The white noise and unchanging motion leads to relaxation and clarity.

Good luck with the new site!