DISQUS

A stat that has been seriously helpful to me is that 1 out of 4 people won't like you. That's it. Nothing you can do about it. For whatever reason, they won't get you and if you really think about it, rather than get caught up in wondering why they dislike you, you'd see that in all probability you wouldn't have liked them either. That's very freeing, in my opinion. It takes the responsibility off of you. I have no idea if this stat is reliable but it seems very likely to be true.

Being in therapy at the same time has been so helpful because it's made us realize how remarkably similar our issues are and leads me to assume that those issues are probably similar to many others. It's funny because people tend to be egocentric, never realizing how much alike they are. It's comforting to realize everyone shares most of these problems. I'm just so glad that you're choosing to explore them. It's a brave thing to do.

David,
Thanks for the reply. I apologize if I got a little too emotionally involved in the discussion! I appreciate your insight. It's hard because I live with Ryan and see first hand how he experiences the human side of the shunning issue. It comes up almost every day in some way or another. And there's nothing I can do but be supportive. It's hard to be a helpless bystander. I can't make up for the absence of his family. I know you were just trying to be objective and you made a lot of good points. I'm not the most objective person in the world when it comes to this issue:-)

I hope you will comment again. It's good to have another point of view. Please don't think this one isolated post impacts all of the valuable stuff you've said. Or even that my point of view makes a difference. It's just one person's take on things. You've got a lot to offer! I know Ryan's said on more than one occasion that he really enjoys your take on things. He thrives on lively discussions!

One more thing. Did you read Yoder's case? He left the Amish because they wouldn't allow him to have a car. He needed a car to drive his daughter to a medical center in order to treat a life threatening illness. He wouldn't have left otherwise. And he went through appropriate channels to leave. He should never have had to choose between his daughter's life and his religion. His whole livelihood was based in the Amish community and they took that away from him through shunning. He went through incredible hardship, all to save his daughter's life. Saying you're glad that case is a rarity leaves out the human element. Caring for your fellow human beings is ultimately what our brief lives are about. Wouldn't you do anything to save your child?

What the hell is going on here? David, all Ryan did was ask for a discussion. Do you realize how much pain the situation with his family causes him each and every day? Yes, he chose to leave the religion but really, how can you expect someone with integrity to choose between his beliefs and his family? It's a horrible situation to be in. Playing devil's advocate is one thing but to tell him that he is flat out wrong for even looking for a possible way to talk to his family again is hurtful. You are saying that he made and choice and now he should deal with it. But he's human. How could he not want to stand for his beliefs and yet have those he loves. I don't want to get into any of the legal stuff as that's been discussed already but there's a human side to all of this and I think you are going way too far as the "devil's advocate". In fact, you've gone into being hurtful.

Ryan, I can't believe that someone would take the time to dig up a quote from four years ago and throw it back at you. They don't know you and have no right to comment on your motives or character. It's amazing that religion seems to prompt people to think they can make judgments on people and situations that they have no idea about. But the people that know you, like James and Jennifer, see The Truth:-) You are a wonderful, kind, beautiful soul who has chosen, sometimes at great personal cost, to put your many year journey out there for public consumption. That is brave and I know it was done with the utmost integrity. And your documented journey has helped so many people to gain perspective on life and the growth process. We're all in this together but religion alienates some from that fact. You are a wonderful husband and father and I thank you with all my heart for embarking upon your journey of growth, which I am now lucky enough to share with you. Don't ever take the comments of insecure sad people like myhowthingschange to heart. I hope they will someday gain the courage to really look at themselves but until then, know that you've done the really hard work and are on the other side. You have a life that is not in bondage to the misplaced ideals of an organization. And you have the love and respect of all of those who truly know you.