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3 months ago

in Borg launches sinister plan to bring even more misery to Third World children on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
This is the prime (and extreme) example of not knowing your customers. Giving laptops to the hungry is the same as giving hammers to the homeless. What are they going to do with it? Plugin in widely available wireless networks or hunker down at Starbucks while starving under a blue sky (ok, maybe not starving but doing the survival thing)

OLPC and Borgtard move were just made to enrich someone's resume and feed vanitytards with bullshit they need to feel good about themselves.

3 months ago

in New poll: Who will replace Monkey Boy? on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Gates will come back and pour money from his foundation into Windows 7. Then he will use Windows 7 to fight poverty, hunger, sickness and power the OLPC. I see a Pepsi guy showing up at Apple soon.
1 reply
acap. When he will do that then he is really more stupid like two dead dogs.

3 months ago

in Why Dell will not bounce back on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
this articles, as many others, is spot on, great analysis that even Goatberg cannot come up with :)

What killed DELL are unportable laptops. They suffered from too many design problems, crappy plastic, laptop obesity and caused serious muscle strain to their owners. Have you ever ran with that thing from gate to gate at the airport.? Sell your Bowflex, here comes the DELL laptop workout. Absolutely horrendous.

Now, DELL started copying SONY (another crappy laptop) and Mac (by design) but it is too late. We have moved on.

3 months ago

in Hillary drawing new voters into the Democratic party on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
FSJ, cut out the political bullshit and just say it like a man:

Obama is a Mac
Hillary is a PC.

Or the other way around?


Time to make a TV commercial, FSJ. Should I call Katie myself or should Moshe get involved?

3 months ago

in Goatberg Game: 15 uses of personal pronoun in this week's column on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
FSJ, we all appreciate the "Elements of Style" here, but this Goatberg "duel" seems a bit ridiculous. His target audience are stuck up, taken-to-the-cleaners, wannabe-pillars and moechtegern-retirees-from-trading-options of the financial world. WSJ is not FSJ and Goatberg is not, erm, Jobsoberg (LOL). Who reads Goatberg anyway? His columns are about the bleeding obvious in technology, self-indulgent to the bone, with no fun factor at all. A real WSJ material. Isn't his column published in the Health/LifeStyle/MarthaStewart section in WSJ?

3 months ago

in BizWeek says we should boot Squirrel Boy from the board on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Serefina, you forget the way the cookie crumbles: first the cookie, then the customer and then the browser.

And remember what cookie crumbs did for Hansel and Gretel when the evil witch wanted to cook 'em up.

Just saying.

3 months ago

in BizWeek says we should boot Squirrel Boy from the board on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
C'mon people, Apple's board members are there to keep the buzz going. Al Gore, Gooschmidt, um, who else is on there? Mariah Carey, Oprah, Martha Stewart (not so surprising once you take a second look at the color palette of Apple products, especially those first iMacs), Queen of England (she's got an iPod with 'everybody wants to rule the world' loaded up), Barry :) and who knows who else. Apple's board are all apples, my friends, all heading in the same direction and not liking bad apples among themselves. It is the finest assembly of a thinktank which does not have to do any thinking. Jobso outdoes them all. Please, FSJ, confirm this from your own sources, I am all out on a limb here.

3 months ago

in Jerry the genius says he's open to another offer from Microsoft on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
FSJ, you are forgetting the real Borg - Bill Gates who is allegedly packing his boxes and getting ready to kick some ass in the curing the sick with his billions. What are the chances that Bill will get fed up with his inaction, leave the sick and poor to baste in their own soup and go back to Microsoft to get some deals done?

Ballmer the dealmaker? Hm. Wasn't he the pitcher or something? Or a jock billionaire? Remember that other jock Cuban?

3 months ago

in Ballmer's brilliant move on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Folks, there are two ways you can love Yahoo and Microsoft at the same time. Trade options on their stock. It is the only Zen-like way to get through this. If you hate the company, trade its options. if you love it, trade its options. If you wish you had stock in any company you loveandhate, trade options.

Who gives a damn about Borg and Yorg? Trade options. And rake your Zen Garden.

3 months ago

in Beastmaster, I have made you my bitch on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Hey FSJ, you forgot to mention that Beastmaster (and Fester) have a huge stake in Apple. They saved your bankrupt butt back in... 1997. They friggin BOUGHT everything but the peel in Apple. You own the peel FSJ, that's where the vitamins are.

RSJ (Real Steve Jobs) even climbed the Jobsostage with Bill and proclaimed friendship.

If Microsoft does not make money (or as much money), apple will. Somehow, whatever happens the Beastmaster will come out ahead.

If Beastmaster is smart, it will start shipping XP with Vista theme and call it a new OS. The real problem here is that Beastmaster is about to change jobs and do some agriculture and health stuff, while his cash cow Microsoft is struggling to buy a piece of search company called Yahoo. They like to wear their search in public and now Fester is going to proxy them.
1 reply
podunk's picture
podunk You must be referring to the $150M 'investment' MS made in 1997 for non-voting shares of APPL. It was a patent cross-licensing agreement, and I think also a bribe to motivate Apple to bundle IE with MacOS 9.

MS sold those shares long ago, apparently.

4 months ago

in When the going gets tough ... on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Ironic is also that miso soup is very easy to blow through the nose because there ain't nothing in it, except for that shifty stuff at the bottom.

Trying doing stuff with good, hearty chicken noodle soup, FSJ.

Or, if you are really brave, hot chilli soup. Doubles for walking on charcoal from the Web 1.0 era.

4 months ago

in When the going gets tough ... on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Yeah, we need Matt Damon on this one; burn the OLPC laptop in front of Double-N and say "do you know how f---ing easy this is for me?" and Double-N would fall on his knees blowing at the laptop, trying to rescue it from the flames. Just like in the movie. awwww.

4 months ago

in Why I love San Francisco on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Yeah, Murray, great blog btw, but most toothbrushes are Made in China. I think the bad breath is now as a global a problem as global warming.

Just cashed in all my carbon credits. Bought some Apple stock. FSJ, is that a moral hazard?

4 months ago

in Why I love San Francisco on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
FSJ, did you post this on Hitler's birthday just by accident? Or is this yet another pre-meditated pun? Keep it coming. We are feelin' it.

4 months ago

in Why I love San Francisco on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Bedfellowship of Olympic Rings? Had someone not given the Olympics to China, could Steve make enough iPods at prices you like? Hm?

4 months ago

in Why I love San Francisco on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
I still think it is funnier that Olympic Torch had to take public transportation to get around in Paris. And it had to be re-ignited (love the drama of that word) with ancient Zippo lighters, carried around by Ancient Greeks after being blown out.

4 months ago

in Why I love San Francisco on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Who gives a sh!t about the olympics anyway? Half of the reporting from the Olympics is about lawsuits related to Meds that make 'em run real fast (or whatever they choose to do to stay sweaty).

Now, back to the sign. To make the irony work, Tibetan monks should have a great runner at the Olympics in China. You think they can run dressed in window drapes and drinking Goji juice?

Another thing that does not work in this irony is the ironic bedfellowship between US Turbocapitalism and Chinese Ultrasocialism.

Nazi Germany was touted to be the defender against Russia and their bolshevik bullsh!t, until Hitler installed some railtracks and put up signs that work can make you free. Now, how ironic is that Chinese "capitalism" holds the same promise for masses working for next to nothing? Some socialism.

The real Olypmics and freedom is on Ebay guys. That is the only place on the planet, which is not even on the map, but where Freedom and Capitalism works for everyone - provided you have some sh!t to sell to other people.

Like Fake Steve and his touch-me products. Tactile.

4 months ago

in Woz isn't going to buy a cloned Mac, trust me. on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
dude I thought I was all alone using advanced verbal skills to play with telemarketers. The best one I had was with cool dudes calling from a local crematorium. They had openings and some time to do phone calls. Get this. If I sign up for an ashes-to-ashes program, I get a free cruise.

A free cruise? Sponsored by a crematorium? A no brainer. So I had to ask what the "program" included which they wanted to sell me. I started making sh!t up until they gave up with "we can't deliver that." So why did you call me then, if you can't deliver? Send me a brochure and I might think about it.

4 months ago

in Google-Salesforce deal: Somehow the significance is lost on me on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
FSJ, you missed a bigger story than this who-cares news. Frigtards at http://www.psystar.com/ have built a Mac Clone for the masses. Check it out. I hope Moshe is available because this thing could catch on like a cold.

It seems like you got a case of Ballmeritis - focusing too much on what others are doing, while frigtards are gnawing at your World Domination plan.

No, don't thank me. Pleasure is all on my side of the message board.
1 reply
acap. I've informed miss apple andrea jung immediate after i've seen this mess coincidental in the german google news some hours ago.
The psystarpage is closed now, probably because to much people are searching for cheaper macs.

4 months ago

in Steve Ballmer, change agent on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Could Computing? Right. That's why I have all this sh!tware installed on my Windows XP box to make it work. Wordprocessing? Wordpad? Email? Gmail. Graphics? I don't do graphics. Cloud computing is bullshit. If I have to maintain a catheter to GooHoo or MicroHoo or AOL (A$$holes Online), how is that progress? Will I get that Borg attachment for my head as well so I don't have to even type my thoughts into the search box (or whatever else)? Here is the deal. I want a computer that does not freeze while copying files in the background, loads pages in the browser while wasting one good core. Instead of cloud computing, we really need some real Core Computing, you know with real multitasking and not this emulated 16-bit shit from the 80s.

Wasn't LoudCloud a company (Andressen) with the same idea? Where are they now? Up in the clouds? At the Pearly Gates? Gates, right.

4 months ago

in Bob Metcalfe and the "one pair of glasses" theory on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
yeah. Here is a summary. Buy a Mac. Everything else is bull$hit.
1 reply
lastangelman's picture
lastangelman fat, bald, bitter while clutching a sawed-off and a Gideon's is no way to go through life, son.

4 months ago

in Bob Metcalfe and the "one pair of glasses" theory on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Brilliant post. Problem with energy consumption is always a problem with inefficiency of some sort. Corporate America keeps desktops running 24/7 even though people work 9-5 (most of them anyway). You cannot even turn it off because that pi$$es of frigtards in tech support who always have something to roll out to Windows workstations full of security holes. So, if you turn your PC off, next morning there is an email from a frigtard and an onslaught of updates from 9-11AM.

Then there is light left in the offices at night (why???), apparently to make America's downtowns and suburbs prettier on postcards from America. Telecommuting is dead because people are lazy and want to work in PJ's, so we sit in traffic and pollute the air instead.

Finally, there is an issue with combustion engines which do not combust very well and get like 1 mile per gallon. This is like Windows which does not do programs well (anyone?)

Green energy is just another racket, it seems. Al Gore is making movies and I am supposed to buy another car to make sure I end up in Paradise. How is that different than selling indulgences? If I go and nail something to Al Gore's door (couple of thesis on carbon credits), would that work?

4 months ago

in Some programmer dude says I'm his hero on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Patron of arts is actually true. Nobody remembers the bloody backdrop of renaissance patrons of arts. FakeSteve, when are you going to openly admit you stole your ideas from that Bauhaus dude who designed things for Braun in the 60s? Form and Function. Bauhaus. Dude.

Hats off for Mac OS X though. I admire your persistence over 20 odd years to take it to the next step.

We should change the spelling of "awesome" to "jobsome"
1 reply
Walter Gropius "That Bauhaus dude who designed things for Braun"

If you're going to call someone out, at least take the time to google or wikipedia what the fuck you're talking about so you kind of hide the utter comment-tard you really are. Really, is it so difficult? Your post is a hodgepodge of misinformation and stupidity.

First off - *everyone* who remembers there were patrons of the arts in the Renaissance also remembers that the Borgias were complete monsters. Second, the Bauhaus ceased to exist before WW2 - Hitler's goon squads made the environment unhealthy for the free-thinkers and wackos collected at the Bauhaus so they picked up and moved elsewhere. Several of them wound up at Harvard, where they had a *huge* influence on american modernist movement of the 40s and 50s. Lastly, "that Bauhaus dude" was nothing of the sort, since the Bauhaus was gone by the time Dieter Rams was born. He was, however, heavily influenced by and owed a deep design debt to the Bauhaus - much the same way that many modern designers like Jonathan Ive owe a debt to him.

Here's a tip - if you don't actually know what you're talking about, ask a question or do some research instead of randomly accusing people. I know it's something Americans seem to love doing lately, but it doesn't make you any less idiotic. Keep in mind that most of the world is not as uneducated and incapable of independent thought as you.

Fucktard.

4 months ago

in Unbreakable Linux? on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
faddah, sure it is a problem, especially if malware was implementead as a daemon. That's why they call it daemon. it is a demon. if it was an, erm, angel (?) malware would be da vinci code.
1 reply
acap. Really very impossible, Leonardo da Vinci is dead since a long while. Never heard from renaissance-time?!?

4 months ago

in Unbreakable Linux? on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs
Fake Steve, you should have known better than this. There are two types of security breaches: those that take advantage of Microtard's crappy software and <drum roll> Inside Jobs.

This one was an El Inside Jobso, El Jobso.
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