Disqus - Latest Comments for Stu Mark

Re: A Good Reason to Keep Kids in the Backseat

Stu Mark — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 12:53:00 -0000

Funniest. Post. Ever.

Re: So. Totally. Infuriated.

Stu Mark — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:53:18 -0000

I agree on all your points. Allow my slight counterpoint, just for conversation (I benefit greatly from such conversations, just as someone would benefit from a book club conversation).

The money thing: What if you show them everything but the amount, keeping that private? That way the only one-upsmanship that could appear would be "My folks give to charity," which seems a non-issue (and possibly a good thing).

The punishment thing: absolutely a brilliant idea to have them pay for the new bulb. I'm thinking that, upon hearing your idea, what I would do even if the quilts weren't involved. I agree, break a rule that results in breaking a thing, you pay for the thing. That's just real life.

As for the ball thing: You are way more flexible than I am on that score. I won't allow super-ball bouncing or anything of that nature. Anything that can possibly cause damage must be kept in our complete control at all times. No throwing anything, whether it's your shoe or a ball or whatever. Yes, I'm nuts, I get it.

Thanks for your blog, these posts of yours are really helpful to me. They give me a perspective that not only helps me as a writer, but as a parent as well. Dig that.

Re: So. Totally. Infuriated.

Stu Mark — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:16:46 -0000

As far as the money thing goes, I don't see that you have to change that. You could just bring the kids over and have them watch you write out the check to whatever charity, explaining the process and showing them the amount. I'm not against voluntarism, just suggesting that showing the kids your normal behavior, including them in these things, is a way to get them to learn by example.

As always, your mileage may vary.

Re: So. Totally. Infuriated.

Stu Mark — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:09:47 -0000

First, you are in my prayers. I can empathize with you completely. My son is *15* and still plays ball in the house. I say don't, he says ok, then a week later - ball-playing in the house.

This leads me to my second point: Age appropriateness. Boys are destructive. It is their nature. While I am not condoning the playing of ball in the house (as a homemaker, I see the very practical aspect of an absolute ban on playing ball indoors), I do urge you to consider what others have urged me to consider at times - that my kids are acting their age.

Now, I get that the lamp incident is heavy-duty for a homemaker (mercury is a serious health hazard). But there is a part of me that thinks, hey, way worse things happen in a home or to a family. I'm not taking away the legitimacy of your anger. But I am attempting to give you another perspective, and that can be illustrated here: My son skateboards. I have *begged* him to wear jeans and long sleeves when he skates, to protect his body from road rash. One day he attempted to successfully skate a very steep hill. He came home bloody and scraped, and as I was cleaning his wounds, I saw that his sleeveless basketball jersey had become ground into the wound, so I was forced to use tweezers to pluck green plastic out of his skin. Of course I reminded him of my instructions to wear long sleeves, but at the same time I was able to calm myself, by recognizing that he hadn't cracked his head open or broken his arm. This is the thing that keeps my anger in check.

I hope this was of some help. Hang in there, it really does get better.

Re: One of Those Days When You Think About Quitting

Stu Mark — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 11:53:14 -0000

This word search issue, let's focus on that for a second. My money says that this is a "Mom, I want to do it *my* way" issue. If so, I empathize. My youngest essentially thinks I'm an idiot and has real trouble surrendering her control to me. One strategy I've employed is to demonstrate my acumen when she's up for it. That includes easy things, like watching Jeapardy together and me shouting out the answers as fast as I can. That usually impresses her. One time, when she was treating me like I was dumb, I just called her on it, saying "Hey, you wanna take matching IQ tests and see who does better?"

If it's not the "You're dumb" issue, it might be a control issue. When I battle my daughter on that front, I specifically put her in situations where she has no control. She gets uncomfortable, but it does seem to be working a bit.

My sister taught me this: "Remember, you are the parent and they are the children. Even if they try really hard to change those roles, don't let them."

Re: One of Those Days When You Think About Quitting

Stu Mark — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 11:22:54 -0000

My unasked-for advice is this: If you dig "The Problem is The Problem," consider explaining it to your kids. In other words, walk them through the whole concept of "You're not The Problem" and see how they react. They may, despite your efforts, still fighting you because they think that you think that they aren't *really* a part of the team. It took my kids a while to trust me when I would tell them that, other than physical dangers, they had an equal vote in our house. In the end, it's always about trust, and kids have trust issues, as the world is HUGE and SCARY to them.

Re: One of Those Days When You Think About Quitting

Stu Mark — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 09:23:16 -0000

Two things: One, I find that validation helps grease the skids. In other words, before you attempt a behavior modification, validate the child's emotion/statement/whatever.

Also, here's a link to another parenting theory I've found useful, something I call "The Problem"

http://stunewsandphotos.blogspot.com/2006/09/pe...

Let me know if it helps.

Re: Fine Toothed Comb

Stu Mark — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:33:02 -0000

This essay was nominated by our readers over at http://www.gnmparents.com/ for "Hot Stuff Of The Week" - Congrats, and good luck in the voting!

Re: The true identity of ‘W’ revealed

Stu Mark — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 13:30:33 -0000

I see a fair amount of Soupy Sales in Alton Brown's show persona and the show's personality as well. If I ever got a chance to have a real sit-down with Mr. Brown, I would definitely ask if he was influenced by the Soupy Sales show.

On another note, wouldn't it be great if more television were honest the way Good Eats is. Alton is integrous, something that I'd like other shows to consider.

Re: The Technology Liberation Front » Archive » New Polls Suggest Radical Theory: Parents are Parenting!

Stu Mark — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:28:48 -0000

This post has been nominated by our readers for Hot Stuff Of The Week! Congrats!

Stu

GNMParents

Re: Untitled Document

Stu Mark — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 22:31:06 -0000

I'm turning 40 in the next few days. Thank you so much for your essay, it really hit home for me.

Re: Thinking Blogger or Writing Blogger

Stu Mark — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 11:54:36 -0000

I've been writing since I was six, writing essays since I was 8, writing research papers since 10, and writing professionally since I was 18. I'm now 40 and still write, this time it's a weekly column. And every word has come from head to hand to pencil/pen/typewriter/computer keyboard instantly, with little hesitation.

There are upsides and downsides to this behavior. Almost all upsides. I save time, sure, but I also get my thoughts across most clearly. Like they say about True Or False tests, go with your first thought, it's most likely correct.

Now I know that Hemingway once said "The first draft of anything is shit." But I also know that Hemingway was a sad man, chasing ghosts and the love of a crazy mother whom he couldn't ever please well enough. For me, the first draft is the heart and bones of it, and if I bring my A Game, the first draft won't need more than a quick polish.

But that's me.

Re: Twitter Bashing- A Popular Sport Lately

Stu Mark — Thu, 22 May 2008 21:30:17 -0000

Do you think that this post got the Twitter folks to release their statement? My money says Yes.

Re: We Do Different Things

Stu Mark — Mon, 26 May 2008 21:16:47 -0000

I do see an upside to any reader calling out any writer. Even if the call-out shows a lack of familiarity with the author's intended purpose, it also shows a snapshot of the readership. I would argue that every writer has a noticeable percentage of readers who are casual, and therefore not connected with the core of the writer's being. If the writer doesn't care and writes as an artform, great, no big deal. But if the writer wants to attract more readers, comments that call-out a perceived deficiency are hard currency, far more valuable than the readers who get you so well that the only comments they make are fan-based.

Re: The Salad Bar Business

Stu Mark — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:59:48 -0000

This type of business succeeds in the long term by delivering on the dreams of their customers. If you nickel-and-dime your customers, they'll go somewhere else. Why do I shop at Amazon? Cheap prices *and* cheap shipping (sometimes free). Why was Burger King able to muscle in on McDonald's locktight grip on the fast food burger world? Because you could have it your way. When you put your customer's desires above your own, your kids' inheritance will be larger.

Re: Blog Topics for Business to Business Customers

Stu Mark — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:49:18 -0000

"You might find that the conversations that start on your blog, even the negative ones, are enlightening, and you might find yourself getting information that will help you improve your product, service, or maybe the business itself. Be open to it. All of it."

Good advice - seems like a good idea to me.