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10 months ago
in Todd Bentley is a Sad Loser on Notes From Off Center
I have to agree with Peter. Whatever one's theological disagreements with what's happened in Lakeland, accusing him of something that's not at all clear isn't the way to go. An unhealthy emotional relationship is not the same thing as an affair, and I think one of the reasons cross-gender friendships become 'emotionally unhealthy' is because Christian spirituality hasn't provided us with guidance to have emotionally healthy friendships with the opposite sex. I highly recommend anyone interested in exploring this matter further to read Dan Brennan's excellent blog.
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So when does a healthy friendship, even a very close one, with a member of the opposite sex cross the line? I think taht if we are honest with ourselves we know where that threshold is. If there is lack of clarity where that threshold is, I think it is a wonderful opportunity to discuss it with your wife. The fact that this emotional relationship was characterized as unhealthy is the point here. If this was just a normal friendship with a member of the opposite sex that was not invasive, non-intrusive, and not a distraction from the emotional accounting that is given in the covenant of marriage to one's spouse, then it would not be unhealthy would it?
So talk to your spouse, girlfriend, mom, etc. and learn what that boundary is. We can all agree, I think, that it is there. There is a point where an emotional relationship with anyone can become something that is destructive to the health of a partnership with someone to whom one has covenanted their self.
One more point, this is not even necessarily about opposite-gender relationship as I think the same exact thing occurs in same gender relationships as well. I am now quite convinced that most people are not quite confident of where this boundary is for their own well-being. What is clear is that Bentley breached that boundary. Note that I am not accusing him of anything other than what I think a properly directed understanding of what adultery means - what he confessed to already but with more direct language. I am, however, accusing Fresh Fire and his supporters who simply refuse to hold a stronger standard for how adultery ought to be defined in my judgment, which I think is consistent with Jesus reinterpretation of the Ten Commandments.