to find out, that the line SENDMAIL_CFLAGS=-I/usr/local/include -DSASL=2 has to be changed to SENDMAIL_CFLAGS=-I/usr/local/include/sasl -DSASL
in /etc/make.conf i also set the environment variable MAKEOBJDIRPREFIX to /usr/obj and performed the cleansing as described in the first link, but I really think that the make.conf line was the important part.