DISQUS

I actually joined that forum but found that it was a little too heavy on one side and their language and terms used made for some pretty difficult communication and then there was no grace for me to learn their form of communication.

It created too many problems for me and made it a little too difficult for me to join in. Perhaps if people didn't "Police" so heavily the words people chose it would have been different. And because that forum was heavy on one side I couldn't freely share my thoughts without somebody criticising my thoughts and the words I chose on a few of my posts. I don't know, but an affective bridge wouldn't be heavy on one side but equal on both and giving grace to each side and respecting the opinions of the other. I didn't receive any of that on Bridge Across.

I think the Synchroblog is a better idea then the forum but that's just me and maybe others would agree.

I'm not too sure about this but I get the sense that I find more Gay Christians really interacting with this Bridge Across and Bridging the Gap initiative and maybe that's why sometimes it can be or could potentially be a little too heavy on one side but maybe this is because those of us who make the choice to leave the lifestyle are even fewer then GLBT folk who become Gay- Christian.

The only problem Randy is the fact that there has been so many people who have experienced "spiritual abuse" because of the felt need of others to point out the moral failures in another, or when a person feels the need to express to another they believe there is compromise.

A friendship of mine was tested when he thought it was his right to point out my compromises or his perceived belief of my compromises or moral failure and his deliveray was rude, inconsiderate and fell short of God's grace, and didn't reflect Christ's character at all towards me. In fact, I felt be-littled and misunderstood....

eg. I went through a period in time working extremely hard to form a support around me in my journey out of homosexuality. I was going through, and you could appreciate and very dark, lonely, and painful part of my journey and quite frankly needed all the prayer I could get. I never refused prayer whenever it was offered and always sought for people to pray with me.

My friend called me a "prayer junkie" among other things.

I had to actually seperate myself from him and tell him unless he respects me I can't talk to him. To this day he is one guy I am not comfortable with if he has the idea it's his right to point stuff out.

Perhaps if he had true understanding, and didn't respond out of ignorance, and was actually right in what he was saying I would have received the correction but his assumptions were wrong, him calling me a prayer junkie was absolutely childish and based upon ignorance on his part. Gratefuly, we've worked through this and we're closer friends because of it but I'm not open to receiving correction from him even to this day simply because I found it spiritually abusive.

There was another time, I was called into repentance and surrender my life and sexuality to the Lord. I was challenged to leave the homosexual lifestyle and the person boldly told me the lifestyle was sinful and she called me to begin a journey of trusting the Lord and surrendering this before the Lord. I saw the love of Christ and a year later began a journey towards healing and freedom in Christ from homosexuality. The point is, one was spiritually abusive and the other reflected the nature and character of Christ.

It's not about a person having the right to correct people. I think we'd have to look at the context of the relationship before somebody thinks they have a right to bring correction. In my opinion the right isn't really a right but rather a privilege that is given. And believing that when correction is given there is maturity, understanding, and compassion along with the correction.

I read the book and loved the book!

Given the oportunity I always recommend this book for people to read because I think this book reflects best on how to respond redemptively to the issue of homosexuality without compromising the convictions we have and undermine the incredible work of healing and freedom that is possible in Christ from homosexuality.

I can see how easy it is to have questions about some of this 'bridging the gap' initiative but I think bridging the gap is very difficult and challenging and extremely hard to do without compromising in some way or form and maybe that's where the questions come from .... (?)

I'd also have to say that Canadians have always had a different approach then our American neighbours and friends :)

Christina,

Research isn't even close to finding a gay gene so I'm not too sure how affective doing DNA tests and brain imaging studies would be. Birth defect? Where are you getting your resources?

Transgenderism is more complex than same gender attraction, true but in regards to ministry to those affected by transgenderism Randy had a really good response. I think it also become even more complicated pending on where that person is at in regards to gender reassignment.

For me, all I did was change the clothes I was wearing and grow out my hair and begin a journey towards feeling comfortable in my own skin. I no longer feel trapped within my own body and I completely identify as a woman, the confusion that was once there is no longer there. I look like a woman, act like a woman, feel like a woman, live like a woman and beautifuly respond as a woman. What I was before has become like a foreign concept but I know there are many who were further along if not completely crossed over in regards to gender reassignment and have to deal with the consequences of choices made. Some people just have more to work through and for that reason might have a longer journey then the one I've had towards becoming secure with the gender I was born with.

My story is one that is more like the journey out of Transgenderism. The difference is that I saw the grace of Christ before I made any other decisions based upon what had been going on inside of me.

I looked like a guy, I acted like a guy, I dressed like a guy, I basically lived like a guy. People, my family and the church didn't know what to do with me. Anything that would have been remotely close to being femenine had been completely removed from me and I was considering that if I were to really pursue the homosexual lifestyle then I'd consider the fact that I felt trapped within my own body as if it wasn't the body I was suppose to be born with.

We cannot say it's only biological but we have to take into account environment both family and social environment. In my case it was pretty extreme.

Mother died when I was 2 and I didn't have healthy women role models in my life.
My father was an alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive.
When I was 6 I was sexually abused.

What research shows is that my experiences isn't just isolated to me but in regards to women, lesbians and Transgender, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Sonny and Chers daughter could relate to some degree to some of my experiences.

Often times when women are sexually abused she will rise up into this position of power and strength and making the vow that she will never be taken advantage of or hurt again and then there grows this underlining fear and hatred towards men and a hatred towards her own gender believing that women are weak and passive.

"Cheese burger.... my little cheeseburger" .... for whatever reason I have the veggie tune Cheese Burger stuck in my head now.
That's a very interesting turn of events. I don't usually talk to people at the gym but I find I meet some interesting people on Transit... I wonder if she's the one addicted to food.

Well said ...
I went public with my blog on facebook and changed the url of my blog. It's quite the challenge I am now facing. Going public on facebook wasn't what I had intended to do but oh well, it's done. And I'm going to believe that it will turn into something redemptive and begin praying for my family and extended family who might be in a tad bit of shock with the information they could be reading about me. I haven't shared openly with anybody in my family but maybe this will open up communication with at least my sisters and my brother.
I think it's a little more complicated in Canada then it is in the United States.
I think there are more Christians in Canada who oppose people with an ex-gay testimony. And so, since I've made my blog known on facebook I've decided to be a little more focused with Canadian issues as they arise. I began with talking about the Day of Truth campaign that will be observed in the United States. I'm also going to focus on how the church in Canada has responded to the issue of homosexuality simply because the church even more so here can't seem to agree on how to respond and what to believe even.
I do have one question though and I'm not sure you'd have the answer... maybe I should ask folks at Exodus Global Alliance instead.
Do you know of Canadian Students participating in the Day of Truth Campaign? Or the Day of Silence?

Hi Randy,

Well, from my own experience growing up without a Mother I think I can understand a little of what these girls will face growing up. It kinda makes me want to cry because I know some of the inner questions these girls will face.

I could just as well blog about this myself and probably will.... it's giving me some fuel to break free from having a bloggers writers block....

These girls will go on a search to find their own sense of identity. Who's my Mom? What was she like?
And... Who am I ?

I just recently had a conversation with my father who told me,
"I did everything I could for you kids... "

And my response in not wanting to pour salt on his already existing wounds..... I said,
"Ya, but Dad, you couldn't be my Mother... "

No matter what Max Mutchnick and his partner might "label" the girls Mother... you're right Randy, the "Surrogate Mother" will be their Mother --forever.

That is true... and that's what I thought you were saying... but I couldn't have said it as well as you just did. Thanks. :)

Hi Randy,

What do you mean by ... "I also don't need to force myself into a self-imposed restriction of what God may bring into my life... "

I think I know what you mean by that but could you please explain that a little further?

btw... I like the changes I see on your blog :)

Hi there,

I have no clue if what I'm submitting is actually being submitted or not.. now third try... really sorry for the redundency here as I try and navigate through your blog.

I agree with you. I think this isn't really an issue with ones sexual orientation but rather the Mayor of Portland showing a lack of integrity and using his power and influence to control another. At least, that's what I see.

Hey there,

Sorry for the redundency if you've recieved this for the second time.

I would agree with you that this does go beyond a person's sexual orientation but the Mayor of Portland has shown a lack of integrity while using his power and influence to control another person. At least that's what I see in this specific case.

I would like to see integrity come back to Politics.

Hey there, I'm back! But... with limited access to the internet for a while though...

I would agree with you Randy, is does go beyond one's sexual orientation but rather the integrity of that person. And he basically showed a lack of integrity and used his power and influence to control another... at least, that's what I see.

I would like to see integrity be brought back into Politics.

I don't know if you got the one I tried to post or not but anyhow... let me try again.. sorry for the redundency....

Anyways, this is what I tried to post....

I absolutely LOVE the song on the video!! oh yeah, the the video was cool too. :)

I absolutely LOVE the song on the video... oh yeah.. videos cool too!

I don't know if you got the one I tried to post or not but anyhow... let me try again.. sorry for the redundency....


Anyways, this is what I tried to post....



I absolutely LOVE the song on the video!! oh yeah, the the video was cool too. :)

lol... sorry Randy...

I trusted that what I had to say really did go with your blog and I have been working on keeping my thoughts a lot, I mean a lot shorter.

I put in there an example where I had a friend... I didn't base any conditions on our friendship but noted the importance of boundaries even in unconditional friendship. I don't necessarily believe that people have to change in order to keep being friends with me and I don't necessarily believe that people have to think the same as me and have the same moral convictions as myself to keep being friends but there has to be boundaries in place in order to maintain healthy friendship/relationships and there can be boundaries in unconditional friendship/unconditional love.

Perhaps I should have posted only this one :)

lol... sorry Randy...


I trusted that what I had to say really did go with your blog and I have been working on keeping my thoughts a lot, I mean a lot shorter.



I put in there an example where I had a friend... I didn't base any conditions on our friendship but noted the importance of boundaries even in unconditional friendship. I don't necessarily believe that people have to change in order to keep being friends with me and I don't necessarily believe that people have to think the same as me and have the same moral convictions as myself to keep being friends but there has to be boundaries in place in order to maintain healthy friendship/relationships and there can be boundaries in unconditional friendship/unconditional love.



Perhaps I should have posted only this one :)

People shy away from conflict, especially Christians because they think there has to be something not biblical about it. I personaly believe that conflict itself isn't sinful but rather our response, our behavior in the midst of conflict can become sinful. But conflict itself can be a useful tool to get to know the other person, their strengths and weaknesses, their beliefs and how they view the world. We learn how they communicate and if we're open we can learn their "love language" and that probably translates more towards husband/wife relationship more so but I think in non-sexual relationships communication and how we communicate is huge!

And, well, a lot of people walk away from friendships because of conflict, the way of thinking that we can only be friends if we don't have any conflicts. Well, as I've mentioned before, the friendships I've come to value most are the ones that have weathered some pretty big conflicts.

We talk about unconditional friendship...

Just like there is such a thing called unconditional love I think there is something called unconditional friendships.

But much the same way where real love, true love is not without boundaries I really believe much the same about friendships/relationships.

I really believe that there needs to be boundaries in our relationships/friendships and I really believe that there can be healthy expressions of unconditional friendship but it's by no means sloppy. In that, opening ourselves up to be abused is not healthy and abusing others is not heathy.

But I really believe that in this area of unconditional friendships there is something..

I'm not friends with somebody because they are like me, or because they have the same faith and world view as myself. I don't force people to believe what I do in order to be friends with him but sometimes I am friends with people who are so completely opposite from who I am.

And so, I don't force a person to change and be somebody they are not to be friends with me. I'd be friends with a person regardless of their race, religion, sexual orientation, whether they identify as gay, gay christian, ex-gya, ex-ex-gay.... I do have a friend who is beginning to identify herself as an ex-ex-gay and that makes for an interesting friendship and one that's challenging for me but even in that friendship both her and I are growing in our personal lives.

Inrecent times I've noticed that his attitude has changed.

Here's another example...

I had this one friend who put on this recital and invited another friend of hers who just happens to be very gay but this friend of hers identify's as a gay Christian. I like him because he's just a very real person and I don't talk to him about my own personal convictions. It's just a friendship that's developing based upon the fact that him and I have the same friend. It's pretty obviouse that he's gay and plus he's really open about it.

During the recital, I was in the back of this church the recital was being held at. The church was my former church a Pentecostal church, also the church my friends music student were participating with their recital. Anyways... I was in the back of the church talking to the friend who identifies himself as a gay Christian. He's inside this Pentecostal church but no problem he's the son of a Pentecostal preacher.... ok... it's interesting the dynamics here.

I say this because I was impressed with how open my friend (the friend who was drugged and raped by a gay man) was with this obviously gay man. Just to see that there was a level of respect given instead of belittling him and judging him for being gay-- you know what I mean.

And I think because I was able to battle through the conflict with this one friend of mine both him and I grew in our friendships as well as grew in our personal lives as well. He has a much more mature response towards those affected by homosexuality and a much more mature response to me. But I don't think any of this would have been possible had I not been willing to extend grace, and be friends with him.

Friendships and relationships that have become most valuable to me have weathered conflict, and at times I've been really hurt but they've been hurt too.

This one friend of mine.... this guy.... let me share with you this story because I think it fits...

This friend of mine years ago was drugged and raped by this guy. After it all happened, while receiving absolutely no support from the church congregation and the comunity around him he went through an extremely hard time to say the least and had to deal with the whole transference thing thinking that all gay men are out there to drug and rape you. That's what he believed and as a Christian man he was really judgmental towards people who were affected by homosexuality because of his own experiences.

Added to this, because he's not there stereotype.... perhaps there is some gender insecurity that had already existed in him, there came another experience where a group of guys back in the 80's were running around our small town, there was a string of gay bashing happening. This one night my friend was sitting on a swing, quietly refelcting, time of personal prayer. He saw a group of guys with baseball bats who nearly beat him senslessly with their baseball bats but fortunately he was able to get inside his vehicle for protection and somehow got away.

And so, I guess people could easily label him as being gay... with all of his experiences I could see that he'd have some insecurities. And well, his insecurity surfaced when I'd begin to talk to him about my issues with SSA and GID. There came this huge conflict and I could have allowed his experiences, his perceived "truths" and his opinions, his religiouse understanding get in the way of our friendship.

Also too, he's considerably older then I am and so when I was in the youth group he was one of the youth leaders but we were dealing with each other in an entirely different context. I wasn't the 15 year old girl in the youth group, or that 9 year old girl I was when I first met him. I was a grown up woman, be it with huge gender insecurities and facing a friend with his own set of issues.

The question I had at the time is that, do I walk away from a friendship I've had for most of my life or do I work with him, extend the grace towards him he so obviously needed and granted, I think there are some people who just don't know how to respond to me and so I have found that I really needed to extend the same kind of grace towards them that I was asking for them to extend to me, whether it was this friend of mine or somebody else.

I backed away but not because of my own hurt, I just didn't share with him about my own person life issues because he couldn't take it. I took a step back because I valued his boundaries in our friendship, if he couldn't really vocalize them himself but his behavior was a dead give away.

Also, since the dynamics in our friendship changed, in that I was older and no longer the youth group member, he was no longer my leader so to speak but we were mutual friends. The dynamics in our friendship changed when I was 16 and invited as a guest in the Young Adults group because I had surpassed most people of the kids in my Youth Group... I could have actually have been the leader in my Youth Group because I grew quickly in my knowledge of scripture and simply had more complicated questions then most kids my age. Granted I think my own personal issues and trying to grapple with my own issues at such a young age sort of became to leading factor in my more intense searching then most my age. Anyways.... so my Youth Pastor allowed me to participate in the bible study with the Young Adults. That's probably on of the major reasons why I became so grounded in scripture. The opertunity I had and took advantage of when I was younger.

This friend of mine still thought of me as that Youth Group member, and at times really disrespected me and in my opinion spiritually abusive saying, "here's a word I recieved from the Lord for you...." and then it would be a really harsh word. I told him that he was wrong and honestly he would be wrong. He'd have his opinion and his opinion would be filtered through his own experiences with that one guy who druged and raped him.

I basically said to him, "I value being friends with you but if you want to be friends with me then I have these boundaries that need to be respected. If you feel as though you have a word for me you can't treat me as though I'm less than you, and you can't give me that word thinking that there's something wrong with me if I don't receive it. If I find that you're crossing my boundaries to give me that word I'd rather not hear that word from you." Long story short it got to the point where I actually had to distance myself from him. I told him quite a few times that this needed to stop and he refused to stop and so I followed through with my set boundaries. For one week I didn't talk to him. We attended the same small church. I said, I'll talk to you at church and at church functions but that's it. I noticed that he began to respect my boundaries and so I the boundaries changed.

In that time I didn't necessarily walk away from the friendship but made a very clear and loud message that I'm older, and there is a certain way I expect to be treated which is reasonable. I was on a whole boundaries kick. I came to expect that my boundaries would be respected and at the same time I worked extremely hard to learn the boundaries of others.

I'm becoming the Queen of Boundaries. I don't do life without them. I don't do friendships or relationships without those set boundaries. I understand that sometimes people don't right away know my boundaries and so I extend a lot of grace towards people who need for me to at times bluntly tell them my boundaries. Usually give a 3 strikes and you're out, before I back right away believing that perhaps they're not a safe friend if they have no respect of personal boundaries. Simply because I'd much rather invest in friendships where both parties have a mutual respect of boundaries.

People shy away from conflict, especially Christians because they think there has to be something not biblical about it. I personaly believe that conflict itself isn't sinful but rather our response, our behavior in the midst of conflict can become sinful. But conflict itself can be a useful tool to get to know the other person, their strengths and weaknesses, their beliefs and how they view the world. We learn how they communicate and if we're open we can learn their "love language" and that probably translates more towards husband/wife relationship more so but I think in non-sexual relationships communication and how we communicate is huge!


And, well, a lot of people walk away from friendships because of conflict, the way of thinking that we can only be friends if we don't have any conflicts. Well, as I've mentioned before, the friendships I've come to value most are the ones that have weathered some pretty big conflicts.

Good to hear that you're not going to the hospital !!

Anyways... I gotta go catch the last bus of the night!! I'll come back to the video but I will say that I would agree with friendship continueing in the face of conflict as a Pastor of mine once said that

"Conflict can be the bridge towards Intimacy"

It's in the face of conflict we truly find who our friends are because in conflict we learn who the other is.

I'll be back!