DISQUS

@Andy That is a GREAT scene!

The scene from "300" when they are discussing what King Leonidas needs to do to protect Sparta and Greece. First of all, they are clearly in love and passionate but most of all, they are 100% committed to each other. A complete, badass partnership. No one's strength diminishes the other and the strength of one is the strength of both.

When Chris and I first met, we made about the same amount of money. When we left Florida, he took a huge pay cut (and I was the "breadwinner" for several years) but has now completely moved into his field and is rocking a much more substantial salary. I, on the other hand, quit my job and am making a lot less money.

I currently make 22.4% of what my husband does!

As someone who is a very independent person, and who has always paid her own way, I do feel a little disconcerted about the whole thing. I honestly don't feel that I am contributing as much as I should.

I don't think this is a "gender" issue, at least for us. I don't need to feel like the breadwinner, I need to feel like a partner.

I can't even tell you. That last line just gave me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing this, for being so bravely honest. Marriage, if it is a good one, demands the best we have to give.

Yes! So much of a successful marriage is rooted in our shared flexibility. And if you are the wall of stone, then it is your partner who is the grass below, or the wind above; twisting to accommodate you.

This little list is on the money.

What do you mean "answer the phone during sex"?! Who would do that??

"it’s easier to talk about sex with friends than it is with your sexual partner? Why is that?"

It's personal. And we are wired to hear the slightest (even constructive) criticism as "You have failed."

Kudos for taking on such a sensitive topic!

It was incredible being a part of helping you rock your awesome. This is what you do, help people reclaim their marriages. Amazing!

Our courtship was certainly full of drama and story arcs to be resolved! Though I don't think I want my marriage to be packed full of suspense and drama, we could definitely do with a little more action.

It's strange now that I think about it but my parents never told me a thing about marriage! I mean they were divorced (from a common law marriage) but they didn't even tell me bad things about marriage.

Wow, how is that possible?

Man I ALWAYS fall for this stuff!

I have actually had a values analysis with Tim and it was like a bolt of lightening. That illuminating; that powerful.

After that I was like "DUH! No WONDER I have been struggling with this issue. It's TOTALLY opposed to my core values." I sort of kind of maybe had an idea of what they were, but I never really understood just how IMPORTANT they were.

After that, the idea that value conflict can lead to a lot of marital conflict makes a TON of sense.

Honesty doesn't just mean telling the truth, but speaking up with the truth.

P.S. Hiding things from your spouse is bound to blow up in your face anyway since secrets almost never STAY secrets.

I think the inclusion of Jon Stewart was genius. I know folks want to make the distinction between "anchors" and "analysts" but this list is really more about truth telling and trust.

As for whether he is partisan, with the bulk of his show existing during the Bush Administration, it can look that way. But so far he's been all over the Obama administration as well.

Maybe it's an age thing, but I trust Jon Stewart over anyone on the Hall of Shame list.

I simply love how you build communities, Corey.

I am SO THRILLED that you added Simple Marriage! SM is such a unique resource for rocking your marriage. Thanks for compiling this fabulous list and double thanks for adding TTi!

"It’s been reported that there are as many as 20 million sexless marriages in America."

WHAT?? That's...wow.

"STOP eating doughnuts in order to START losing weight"

Mary Ann are you trying to SAY SOMETHING?

Actually this is an incredible article and touches on the whole "anti-habit" thing I've been mulling over. The process is crucial to getting past "me" to "us". Bloody well done.

YES YES YES to #5! Gross, clutter, etc. is not sexy or romantic.

One concept that has helped us IMMENSELY is the idea that if one partner has a problem, it's a problem.

I've noticed that often a spouse will try and break down the 'problem' and insist that one does not exist. But it doesn't matter if a problem ACTUALLY exists because the partner's BELIEF that a problem exists means that one does.

Chris used to have a problem with me 'making fun of him'. Now, for the record, I have NEVER made fun of my husband. But since he felt there was a problem, there was a problem and I adjusted my behavior accordingly.

If you try to force the 'reality' that there is no problem (like I did at first), the other person will merely resist you and feel like you don't support them.

P.S. LOVE this article.

I absolutely LOVE this blog and it's approach to marriage. I read every article even if I don't comment!

Having fun is romantic! :)

I think Steve's article has fostered some very good discussion. (I know it did in the Tompkins house!) I think that consciously choosing one's relationship and living mindfully in it, is probably my big idea.

People get married because they think they have to and then put the relationship on auto-pilot. That's a disaster waiting to happen and a very sad way to live one's life.

Regarding #9...I have to say that men often don't realize what their wife 'initiating sex' looks like.

Most men envision a woman jumping on them and ripping their clothes off while they lay there and she does all the work. Though tempting, that is not-so-much 'initiating' for most women. (For example, if your wife is trying to make out with you, odds are that she is trying to 'initiate sex'.)