Disqus - Latest Comments for melanyouth

Re: heaven spent

cricket — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 00:05:39 -0000

So true! And as much as I don't trust Disqus (after they lost all those messages of yours) it's also great to a comment, so thank you very much!

(I don't have a good enough connection for Netflix, I think - even YouTube is stop-and-start - but I have put the movie on hold from the local library. It will take longer to get, but I am so looking forward to it, and I will let you know what I think.)

Hope you are well in every way!

Re: Millsin' About

cricket — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:11:22 -0000

Ever since I read this - a good work, easy to relate to by anyone who has tried to write sincerely and then found themselves wanting to vomit in shame after revisiting what they remembered as their best work - but I keep thinking, what is wrong, or false, with writing as a display of "performative personality", anyway? Or rather, isn't it *all* like that? Isn't it almost impossible not to think of your audience, and your impressions of their impressions of you, and to write to that impression, once you have developed an audience? What would non-performative writing look like, has anyone with an audience ever managed it?
I would develop this question more, but I'm getting a spell and I don't feel like myself. (The self that wants to ask questions but not seem dumb for asking them; I hardly have the strength anymore for the sort of effort it takes to be other than straightforwardly my lame self). Anyway, I'm sure you understand what I'm getting at. Your thoughts?

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/31110101935

cricket — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 17:27:36 -0000

Thank you, you're very kind. And I appreciate your note on that other photo, as well - your point about being happy with a mouthful of healthy teeth is well taken. A lesson I won't forget!

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/17271633433

cricket — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:22:45 -0000

And they are just wonderful, aren't they??

By the way, so glad to see you posting on Tumblr again; a real delight!!

Re: http://blog.millsbaker.net/post/17039173878

cricket — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 04:57:05 -0000

Lydia Davis's "The End of the Story" is excellent for exploring memory and story-telling, truth and convenience, the way we describe things to ourselves as compared to the way we describe things to others. The novel (which seems to be autobiographical) is both the story of the narrator's relationship with a former lover, and her attempts to write a novel about him and the relationship.

From the novel:

"When I first started working on the novel, I thought I had to keep very close to the facts about certain things, including his life, as though the point of writing the book would be lost if something like the Indian drums were changed and he were to play another instrument instead. Because I had wanted to write these things for so long, I thought I had to tell the truth about them. But the surprising thing was that after I had written them the way they were, I found I could change them or take them out, as though by writing them once I had satisfied whatever it was I had to satisfy."

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16162244248

cricket — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:24:21 -0000

Thanks for the long note, I like how much detail you provide. And thanks also for the kudos for going to Africa. It almost seems like a dream now...

If you write me direct, cricket at cricketbites dot com, with your email, then I'll write you back a longer note!

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16543091461

cricket — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:52:03 -0000

How stressful and yes, they should interview you or at least give you the courtesy of a call saying either way, since you are and were a volunteer. Bad manners, they have! But yes, follow up, it could be they are just taking their time. The people that called me on the 25th had my resume since the 9th, long before the snow days...

I send you all good luck and prayers that you get the job you are supposed to have! And do the same for me, ok? Thanks!

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16515224486

cricket — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:15:26 -0000

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16257604074

cricket — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:05:42 -0000

Thanks for the invite, I would love to come hang out with you! Don't know when, but I hope it will happen someday. I'd love to see these falls, too. So beautiful.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16456880644

cricket — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 04:26:31 -0000

Awww, you're so kind! I did feel a little pretty in that light, thanks for saying you can see it too!

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16162244248

cricket — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:23:52 -0000

Thanks so much for writing. I don't mind anonymous followers - are you the one that visits from the Jackson area? Also thanks for your kind words and best wishes. I agree, it's strange but also wonderful how we end up connecting to and caring about random people over the Inter-aether. I often feel it is a blessing, especially in times when someone reaches past the awkwardness of not really knowing each other to send kind thoughts, like you've done. I really appreciate you taking the time to write and share.

I don't know yet what's going on with my abdomen. The cramping and aching and tightness moves around from the lower part, to midway, to up close to my ribs. The tenderness to touch is localized just below my belly button, in the center. One of my friends with a history of gallbladder problems told me the pain can be reflected anywhere, so just because it isn't right at the gallbladder doesn't mean anything.

I did get an ultrasound a couple weeks ago, but that just rules out tumors, I think. I am still waiting for the results of the stool samples that I sent to the diagnostic company on Jan. 16. I am supposed to see a gastroenterologist on Feb. 3. Do you know, does that kind of doctor treat gallbladder problems too? I just looked up HIDA scan to see what it is. I can ask him about it.

I started taking probiotics a few days ago, very expensive ones. I had a couple bad days where I was nauseous the first day then filled with tears and fear into the next one - the crying is probably the menopause stuff going on - but then suddenly the crying stopped and I've been ok for a couple of days. I can't tell if my abdomen hurts less or if it's just that not being in emotional upset makes me feel better in general. In any case, I think the probiotics are helping a little bit.

Another friend said that the timing of my sickness - 6 weeks after my return from Africa and also 6 weeks from my last bout of bad diarrhea - could be due to the 'bad' bacteria needing that much time to completely overtake my intestines after killing the 'good' bacteria with the antibiotics I took. I don't know about that, but I wish with all my heart that at the bottom of my problem is something simple and not life-threatening or surgery-requiring.

I will ask the gastro guy about the HIDA scan. Also I am going to see an infectious disease specialist just in case this is all due to Blasto or Giardia or something - I'll know more when the test results come back, as to which direction to head in.

It sounds like you were really sick for a long time. The main thing is, you had the sickness coming and going, like I describe? Good appetite and then almost unable to eat? Woozy suddenly and then just as suddenly ok? Weird pains throughout? Did you have emotional upset too? If you feel you can share more details I'd like to hear more about your experience. Also what age were/are you? I'm not sure but I think some of what I'm experiencing is "just" menopause: the heart fluttering feelings, the crying, hot flashes and night sweats, feeling like my blood pressure is rising.

Anyway, thanks again for writing! Feel free to write any time, I enjoyed hearing from you. And yes, Ryan does seem a lot healthier and happier. Bless him! :)

Also, I should apologize for taking so long to respond. Sometimes it takes me a while to organize all my thoughts and share everything that I want to share. I can make a quick thank you note but if I want to write from my heart it usually takes me a few days.

Re: http://blog.millsbaker.net/post/15402985026

cricket — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:29:45 -0000

The morning you wrote this, I woke up and remembered my comment here, thinking it probably sounded hard-hearted and incomplete to boot, and resolved to delete it once I got to the computer. Instead, I found your typically insightful response and decided I should leave my rough thoughts here so as to not lose your patient reply. Thanks for not being harder on me! I'm so lost when it comes to the bigger picture of things.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/16162244248

cricket — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:11:09 -0000

The doctors haven't said anything about my gallbladder, but then again they don't seem to have any idea whats wrong...what were your symptoms and what was the disease? What did you have to do to fix it? Thanks for writing!

Re: http://blog.millsbaker.net/post/15402985026

cricket — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 15:52:20 -0000

I have long thought that the primary way humans deal with the painful reality of their own mortality is through child-bearing: the way people thoughtlessly breed can hardly be explained except to assume there is an underlying, largely unexamined, belief in immortality through progeny. I've also always thought that most people don't need to develop questions, problems, and answers as to life's meaning for themselves: child-rearing, with it's intrinsic value permanently exalted by society and of course the constant focus of attention it requires, provides a readymade purpose and meaning to life for the vast majority of people.

And it thus follows that for me, not an artist (not even particularly creative, or at least not reliably so) but also not a parent, I have had to come up with something completely independent of these convenient defaults: "my art!" or "my children!" is not something I can fall back on to evoke or explain my existence, my purpose, the big questions regarding meaning, my answers to any of it.

While I sincerely hope I offer other people some sort of improvement to their perception of their existence (being a good friend, a conscientious worker, a positively-functioning member of society), I find it ludicrous to assert that I have a defined purpose greater than an average ant's. And I do have trouble believing things like "our purpose here is to love" or "God has a purpose for me". While I can't help but believe in a higher power due to the existence of otherwise unexplainable miracles in my life, the "everything happens for a reason" line of thinking seems incredibly, obviously false. But I never try to dissuade it's many adherents; it is a valuable belief system for many.

Nothing alive wants to die, but it seems like only mankind seeks to explain himself beyond the natural cycles of birth-procreation-death that all other living beings are caught in.

As for myself, I cheat: I don't think about it that much, just like I don't do puzzles that are clearly beyond my ability. My ego won't let me: if I can't reasonably expect to come to the correct conclusions, I tend to be disinterested in the questions! That said, I don't fault others for asking, and am fascinated by how people construct meaning outside the defacto societal readymades. I also assume that if I pay attention to the right people and ideas which cross my path, I may end up with some sort of answers I can believe in. You might say that I am searching without looking; perhaps because of this I am a fool!

Re: Meta is Murder. Writing and lesser things by Mills Baker. [We have forgotten] leisure as “non-activity” —an....

cricket — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 15:55:09 -0000

LOL, "in traditional Catholicism, bread was very important." Perfectly sums up the most annoying thing about new age-y cultural/religious appropriation: the reduction of structured belief systems to meaningless drivel disconnected from authentic spiritual direction. A map is only as good as its accurate relation to the ground it purports to represent. Which is also the problem with social media, as you point out.

Re: Meta is Murder. Writing and lesser things by Mills Baker. A Problem with Path.

cricket — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:06:08 -0000

Here's a great idea, something I would love to see for those of us who have greatly compartmentalized their online presence: a personal aggregator that displays - only for one's self - all your social media posts and comments, with the ability, from the app itself, to make a post and then direct it to one (or more) specific platforms *only*. Though I don't know how large the market is of people like me who have almost no overlap between their Tumblr, Facebook, Google+, Twitter, etc. followers/"friends". Maybe it's just me!

Re: Meta is Murder. Writing and lesser things by Mills Baker. A Problem with Path.

cricket — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 02:23:00 -0000

This post made me cry, and then I felt old, thinking: the modern world, with all its glorious potentialities and all its fevered emptiness, feels so impossible at times.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/12961625968

cricket — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 01:24:12 -0000

I hope you do, it is just the sweetest book! It's comprised of interviews with people associated with the Met - everyone from a plumber to the head of the board, to the director, an information desk guy. Lots of curators and some people who've made large donations. Each person gets about 5 pages and they just talk about themselves, their job, how they feel about the museum. So wonderful.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/12890272631

cricket — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 12:58:06 -0000

Yes, the weather here is killing me too! Believe me, if I had someone to stay here with the cat and to make sure the pipes didn't freeze, I'd go back to Kenya after the holidays. I have never hated winter, but I sure did get used to nice weather and I am noticing how much my body is affected by the cold.

I didn't know you have a friend who went to Kenya! Does he have a blog? I'm so interested in finding people who went there and really saw the country for what it is; I imagine if he is returning that he loved it there as much as I did.

And you are right about infrastructure. There is so much innovation going on in Kenya. The people I met there were always surprised to hear that America doesn't have m-pesa. It's such a great tool. And to think that a for-profit product, a collaboration between a bank and a wireless provider, is actually really changing things, for the better, for a great number of people. Not that NGOs and aid don't have their place, but they are only part of the story.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/11296596175

cricket — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 04:04:19 -0000

Aw, thanks! You're so kind.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/11954212833

cricket — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 04:03:25 -0000

Yeah, I didn't reply to her, nor did I reply when she sent it again and then sent a third message just titled 'test'. I figured there is no need to add to the drama because who knows why it was coming to me (my address wasn't in the 'to' line). Thanks for weighing in, I wondered what other people would think. Also, yes, it is so sad the way so often it is the years of pain that guides our tongues.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/11468095613

cricket — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:08:55 -0000

I had never seen it before, but yes, it's one of those ones that never gets old I am sure.

Thanks for the comment, I always love it when people remark on something I post!

Re: Colin, why don’t you smoke weed?

cricket — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:07:45 -0000

Yeah, I get that too, especially the overanalyzing of what everyone else is doing/saying/thinking. Thanks for the comment, it's nice to know there are others who have the same experiences with the stuff.

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/10728312013

cricket — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 15:53:41 -0000

Sorry I never replied to your kind note, the Tumblr app I had on the Kenyan phone didn't let me do comments. Anyway, now I am back (as you know) and I am so glad you enjoyed some of my photos. The monkeys were fantastic! I was bummed the second day when I went outside and saw that it was raining at the time I wanted to go see the monkeys again. So I never really got a 2nd chance to hang with them, and they really were fantastic!

Re: http://cricketbites.com/post/5578489491

cricket — Thu, 19 May 2011 10:33:50 -0000

Great, I'll try to check it out!