Disqus - Latest Comments for lena

Re: The Symptoms | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:28:47 -0000

I absolutely agree that physical health takes precedence over all else, but what I struggle with these days is not so much self-understanding but rather acceptance of others and their flaws. I can take care of myself, no problem, but what if the only way to do so is to no longer be the person I used to be, to abandon friends, readers, even my partner? That is what I struggle with everyday.

Re: Wal-Mart Workers in 12 States Stage Historic... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:22:52 -0000

Your definition of exploitation makes sense to me and applies in most instances of employment. Finance is no exception. If investment bankers didn't receive far less in compensation than what they actually produce, their employers would no longer be in business.

Re: Wal-Mart Workers in 12 States Stage Historic... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 09:09:02 -0000

How is it classist to point out that both Walmart and Wall Street bankers are workers who encounter mistreatment and exploitation? My critique has nothing to do with any individual employee's salary and everything to do with who owns the means of production. I'm not saying that all workers experience oppression in the same way - absolutely not, but companies can profit off of someone who does manual labor or someone who works an Excel chart all the same, regardless of who the employer is.

Re: On being "cynical", "so-over-this", and "holier-than-thou" | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 00:44:03 -0000

I do appreciate this and don't consider it an attack at all. My reaction to the criticism has very much been a reaction to the fact that I have never been entirely comfortable with the role of being a "respected voice on issues of gender and feminism". While it's not a role I completely rejected, it was something that others had assigned to me at a very young age. I was 21 at the time and being called an advocate for a movement that actually accepted me. I'd never really experienced any sort of public acceptance before, which definitely made it difficult to come to terms with the aspects of mainstream women's rights which I found exclusionary and problematic. I've made some of my discontents pretty clear through the years, but never quite as blatant as I have in recent weeks. I know that I have readers who look up to me, but I don't think that I serve them by being optimistic about things I'm no longer optimistic about. (I myself do not "view the world in a more constructive, positive light" so it feels disingenuous for me to pretend to be that person just so I can continue to be looked up to. I don't write to be idolized, I write to be honest with myself and the world.) Will I curb my cynicism in the future? Yeah, probably, and that's largely because people like you have pointed out that this can have a negative impact on others' activism, which is not what I ever intended.

Blogging today is largely a labor of love that I perform more for others than for myself. Even if I were comfortable being a role model, it comes with a set of responsibilities that I honestly cannot fulfill at this point, because there are other duties in my personal life that take precedence over my public activism. I've been thinking about all these issues very deeply over the past few months. Even before these criticisms were brought to my attention, I had considered shutting down this blog. Now more than ever, I believe strongly that it might be most responsible for me to do just that and to live a little more privately as I focus on my writing and the people in my life.

Re: On being "cynical", "so-over-this", and "holier-than-thou" | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 13:57:32 -0000

Honestly, I was probably taking the "narcissism" accusations too personally, because I felt it was unfair to be called that when I'd essentially already stopped writing about my personal life. Which, if you read Keely's comment above, was a poor assumption on my part because really, I had failed to explain to readers exactly what the impact of this self-censorship was on my offline life.

I think the contradictions that you noted are largely due to my desire to promote my work professionally and the causes I believed in personally, even as the original intent of the blog (self-expression) had been overshadowed. For example, my site has been recognized as a "feminist" blog or a "women's" blog by others, but I don't have control over how editors or organizations categorize my work when I'm selected for a competition. So while the intent of this blog may have originally been personal, I think because I failed to clarify over the years that I didn't consider feminism to be this site's primary purpose or topic, different readers who started reading at different times have come to expect different things from me.

Has The Chicktionary acted as a resource on sexual health, contraception, etc.? Totally. And I may still continue to do that on an as-needed basis, but I've never been entirely comfortable with being an "authority" which is why I typically answered questions only with personal experience or verifiable knowledge. I think one of the most interesting things that I realized over the years is that because I can't advocate specific political positions in most of my professional work for clients (with the primary exception being columns about marriage), I've always felt that even the more overtly political entries I've written here are personal ones. But they're not what others would necessarily call personal writing, because not everyone who comes across a single entry knows much about my background. It's an age-old debate: is the personal political and vice versa? I think I would have answered yes before, but lately, I've been shying away from the politicization of any part of myself.

(As for advertising, it's something I've done since
the purely personal Sex And The Ivy. I don't think it necessarily assumes a transactional relationship with readers since I don't make a profit and would continue to blog about exact same stuff regardless of whether I have advertisers.)

Re: On being "cynical", "so-over-this", and "holier-than-thou" | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 13:09:07 -0000

I think that this has been a really valuable conversation to have. And I really appreciate that you've taken the time to engage with my comments because having to explain my perspective to someone who isn't my boyfriend or friend has actually offered me a lot of clarity on how I've come to feel about my work. What you wrote above:

Part of the misunderstanding here comes from the fact that this
is a personal blog... where you don't feel safe or comfortable being all
that personal. We don't hear much about your actual life anymore, just
vague references thrown in with political commentary and random quotes.
That makes this FEEL much more like a political/activist blog and less
like a personal one...

It's a little strange to read this from someone else, I'll admit, but you've more or less encapsulated what I came to realize about my blogging back in 2008 - that due to external circumstances, I really couldn't do personal writing anymore. (Even though at the time ALL I'd been doing publicly was personal writing.) The difference between now and 2008 is that back then, I saw it as a necessary sacrifice. Along the way, I think I became quite resentful of the fact the harassment got worse and not better and that I had to continue to self-censor, to the point where this inability to express myself has actually caused a great deal of creative frustration and has come to impact my activism and my offline writing. That's not the only explanation for my cynicism, but it's definitely one of the major reasons for my burnout and writer's block.

Re: (via The Daily Caller) Holy shit, guys. The... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:00:51 -0000

I totally understand that these criticisms originate from a place of great conviction and reflect a shared desire to see change. I hope you keep fighting the good fight (while also taking care of yourself as well). Thank you for understanding my perspective.

Re: On being "cynical", "so-over-this", and "holier-than-thou" | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 18:54:11 -0000

Perhaps reading this comment that I left for another reader will elucidate what the purpose of this blog is: http://thechicktionary.com/...

I really didn't intend for this blog to be anything but a personal blog. In fact, if you look back to the very beginning in 2008 when I started The Chicktionary, I think you'd be pretty surprised by how narcissistic its original intent was! Truth of the matter is, this has been a great platform to get some of my political views out, but ultimately, it's always been a personal outlet. I think I had trouble blogging this year precisely because I didn't know how to write about things I went through in my personal life, precisely because I was working on issues that were so huge and harmful that any setbacks I experienced felt inconsequential in comparison. I think I need to prioritize my own sanity for a while, especially because it's something that my friends have been pushing for. Believe it or not, I have been accused privately of being too selfless, so I'm trying a different approach because I've realized that being overcommitted has hurt my activism over the long run. I completely respect it if you don't think this is the type of blog you would like to continue to follow. Perhaps one day I'll return to doing the blogging that you originally came here for.

Re: (via The Daily Caller) Holy shit, guys. The... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 16:24:03 -0000

I applaud the work you do and hope you continue to share these stories. This blog, however, is not about feminism; it's about me. There are many progressive media outlets that do cover the stories you mention, and they do crucial work, but my blog has a different purpose. I have always written primarily about myself and my own experiences, and while feminism has played a large role in how I've made sense of my life and the world at large, I was blogging long before I identified as a feminist. I have my own reasons for not blogging about my activism at this point in time, and while I completely agree that my ability to leave a city or country is a privileged choice, it is a choice that I have to make for my own mental well-being. That doesn't make it an easy choice and it doesn't mean that I've given up, but I do need physical distance from my personal sites of trauma and I am trying to spend less and less time in public, particularly since it's opened up many of my closest friends to harassment and compromised some of my relationships with them.

I'm not asking people to feel sorry for me. When I mention my mental health, it is because I do feel some obligation to explain what's changed, and though what happened to me at Harvard was, in fact, years ago, the harassment is ongoing and so are the social ramifications of being a public blogger with controversial views. Ultimately, I'm not over what happened to me in my 20s. I wish I were and I am not proud of the fact that I can't move on, but I need to finally address that trauma by taking time off because it's not fair that my loved ones have to deal with the fallout while I throw myself into work to ignore and forget my past. I don't want to hate America or Boston or Harvard because I hope I can one day live happily in this country and speak of my alma mater proudly. But that's not where I'm at today and I simply ask for patience and understanding as I figure out how to get there. If reading this blog is getting you down and affecting your own activism, I won't be offended if you decide to stop reading. We all have to make the decisions that best suit our emotional and physical needs.

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 12:26:41 -0000

I'm not giving up on social justice but I also don't expect quick solutions and I certainly don't expect them from politicians, given that no election is going to eliminate the structural causes of inequality. But again, I don't think there's anything wrong with people who DO vote, and I wasn't attacking anyone in my original post (except maybe Mitt Romney). I simply take offense to being called holier-than-thou and apathetic when I'm just sharing a viewpoint that differs from others.

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 20:16:41 -0000

I think we hold different political beliefs because you attribute my lack of faith in the political system to "apathy". I didn't insult anyone in my original post, didn't call anyone else's views toward voting invalid, and simply stated my own discontent with the way elections are treated in America. I don't appreciate being called "holier-than-thou" when I am not directing anyone else to do with their vote what I believe should be done. On the other hand, you are very much telling me that there is one "simple" way to vote which is to "Vote for the candidate that MOST represents your interests" even when said candidate continues to push forth policies that I view as immoral and harmful toward the world at large. I don't think I should settle for the lesser of two evils and that is MY belief, which has been developed as a result of intense political engagement and self-reflection. What about this makes me arrogant or apathetic?

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 15:31:23 -0000

I think there are a LOT of assumptions being made about my political views here. I'm not sure why you have the impression that I "would be totally fine with Republican candidates in office" or that I am planning to "completely forgo the election". I will say that my vote in Massachusetts will matter very little as far as the presidential election is concerned, but I I am nonetheless registering because I do want to weigh in on issues that I consider to be of great consequence.

Just because I don't support Obama or the Democrats does not mean that I support Republicans or McCain or Romney. Why should I have to vote for anyone I don't believe in? I simply have different political beliefs than you do, and I feel it's unfair that I can't voice my disenchantment without being told that it's arrogant and a betrayal of progressive values.

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 20:21:40 -0000

There's a difference between critiquing institutions as structural barriers to progress and the personal choices of those who work within or support those institutions. A large number of my friends work for non-profits, media companies, "the good guys" if you will. Much of my cynicism has resulted from hearing directly from them about how they are systematically overworked, underpaid, ignored by superiors, tokenized as racial or sexual minorities, etc. I've never suggested that people who continue to work within established movements are "suckers" - my friends are not stupid people - but I personally can't pretend to be optimistic about the future of these organizations when I constantly see in them trample over their own workers.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to make time for my novel, I am actually not "doing very well and largely getting to work on personal projects that are mostly fiction". In fact, I am doing quite poorly on the emotional front and haven't had a chance to write in weeks because I have been working on other social justice related projects, which I have not blogged about because I don't want anyone associated with them to become targeted for harassment. And honestly, it's really frustrating to be told that I'm giving up when I feel like all I have been doing for the past few months is working on projects benefitting other people despite being very behind on all of my own work.

I can understand how confronting a viewpoint like mine can put someone on the defensive, but I don't think I'm better or smarter or more enlightened than anyone else. I simply have a different set of life experiences that have led me to realize that I can do more good outside these movements than within them. What I feel about the activism I've done is not what I expect everyone else to feel. I get that people have a variety of reasons for wanting to work within a community or cause. And obviously, people like my friends can't just quit their jobs. I'm privileged in the sense that I can discuss publicly why I no longer identify with these communities or movements, even as I continue to support individual people or projects that others would likely label "progressive". I don't have a boss who's going to fire me for not toeing the party line. Other people can't do that, which is why I think it's important I do, but I think that's pretty much all I've got as far as entitlement goes. There's never going to be consensus on the most effective approach toward social change, and I don't demand consensus from readers. I can only speak for myself.

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 16:11:50 -0000

You're right - we do all live in this world and we all need to fight for justice but you don't need put a label on your politics for your actions to count. Those with privilege have a responsibility to hold social movements accountable for not addressing or representing the neediest segments of the population. It's irrelevant WHO makes the critique, and it's sad that the marginalized are rarely heard when they do speak against the injustices they encounter from purported allies.

Re: [Mitt Romney] is making a mockery of our... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 14:59:50 -0000

I'm perfectly aware that most people - like the great majority of my friends and family - can't just up and leave America, but just because I have no faith in the political system doesn't mean that I don't give a damn. There's a difference between critique and disengagement.

Even as I criticize the social movements that I have been a part of, I continue to organize and agitate - I just don't want to call it feminism anymore, and I don't want to do it through traditional media, and I don't want to donate to organizations that do nothing for their purported constituents. How is voicing my disenchantment with the very groups that I am supposed to feel represented by "rubbing it in everyone's faces"? Is it not speaking truth to those in power?

In my case, my cynicism is from my first-hand experience working within supposedly progressive movements and witnessing the silencing or erasure of dissenting voices. There's more than disenchantment involved when it comes to explaining the vast numbers of Americans who don't vote - the homeless, the incarcerated, the poor, etc. The alternative I'm offering is a pretty simple one: stop privileging the desires of certain groups over others and start listening to those who are disempowered.

Re: I was one of the targets of the harassment campaign of readers here, and I recently finished applying to grad school. I just wanted to let others know that I was accepted into two really excellent ...

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 12:38:19 -0000

I'm really sorry to hear that, and I don't mean to overlook the experiences of those who have been negatively impacted (professionally or personally) by this campaign. I think in some ways, the impact can be even more devastating than the original defamatory attacks, because it demonstrates that it's not just the malicious intentions of one individual out there but close-mindedness of people in general that contributes to a culture of shaming and silencing.

Re: If you could put sarcastic quote marks around... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 11:36:23 -0000

I take issue with the way "women" and "rights" are defined FOR and not BY constituents, which has led to so much of my disenchantment with mainstream feminism and its inaccessibility to regular people.

Re: Chen said she does not aspire toward a career in... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 11:31:16 -0000

I also want to add that although public writers may be used to getting unpleasant feedback, it's a totally different experience for private individuals who have never been on the receiving end of such vitriol. Not that it's okay that I'm used to the cyber bullying, but it's a really jarring experience for most people since they're typically not prepared for it and also don't know how to respond to an unknown attacker.

Re: Chen said she does not aspire toward a career in... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 11:25:08 -0000

You know, while I have no clue who the perpetrator is (and really doubt that it's anyone I know in real life), I've had a long time to accept the fact that what I write won't be popular with many other people. I'm having a harder time accepting and/or getting over the constant harassment of random friends and family, particularly when I feel like I'm being blamed for something out of my control. And while I don't even know the real names or faces of the harassed readers, I still feel a responsibility for them too.

The writer's block - it's just the icing on the case. I actually think I've made a lot of progress toward being able to write again, but I have basically no desire anymore to share this writing. Which, I suppose, was my stalker's objective in the first place.

Re: Chen said she does not aspire toward a career in... | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 22:00:28 -0000

When it comes to my own career, I could care less, and honestly, it's not about the hurt feelings nowadays. Beyond my immediate friends and family, I'm concerned for the well-being of others - all the numerous people who have contacted me, who must number around 100 by now. I'm particularly worried for those readers who are minors or readers who have conservative families who might freak out if they google them.

Re: Hi, Lena. I’ve been reading your blog(s) for years now and deeply admire your courage and honesty. I did, however, make the mistake of liking ONE of your posts here with my personal account. That, ...

Lena Chen — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 15:59:40 -0000

You have a good point that given the state of the economy, it seems that very minor things (like unflattering Google results) can mean the difference between getting a job and not getting it. That said, I know several people whose reputations have been essentially obliterated by this campaign. I'm talking multiple pages of Google search results, not just an unflattering first page. And yet, these people, who have been harassed the most, are now holding down fairly prestigious jobs. I don't know what your background is or what career you're pursuing, (and certainly, there's a lot of privilege that comes with an elite education, so maybe my friends have degrees that have insulated them from as much employer scrutiny), but I do have faith that even if someone were to come across these posts, that they would see that they're written with malicious intent. Good luck on the job search! I know a lot of folks in the same boat with the same concerns.

Re: http://thechicktionary.com/post/30602806894

Lena Chen — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 19:51:51 -0000

P.S. You can like the Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/pag...

Re: SXSW PanelPicker

Lena Chen — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 23:47:23 -0000

Good luck, guys! Hope we get to hang in Austin next year :)

Re: the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 17:19:23 -0000

Will definitely put Araki on my to-watch list. And yes, I can handle gore :) I spent my teens being subjected to Korean horror, so everything else pales in comparison. (I hate scary movies to this day, but still love watching the trailers.)

Re: In Which I Am Propositioned For Pre-Wedding Sex | the ch!cktionary

Lena Chen — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 18:32:15 -0000

Your situation sounds heartbreaking - and I'm dismayed at the assumption that parents "own" their children's bodies. I don't think that when it comes to death, there should be any presumption of who "owns" the body. Hopefully, those wishes are expressed ahead of time and respected. But I don't think that marriage would be a good solution to this problem either. What's the say that the spouse is really going to act in the best interest of the deceased in every instance? It's entirely possible that in another situation, the family would have a better sense for how the funeral arrangements should be handled.

Basically, I don't think any relationships - be they familial or platonic or romantic - should be legislated. That should be fully up to the individual. And if someone dies unexpectedly and there are no explicit wishes? It seems like their wishes would be better respected if, say, their friends were polled, than if a parent just made a unilateral decision. The government makes huge assumptions about which relationships should be considered "closer" (spousal, parent/child, etc.), typically because these are related to reproduction. But as many of my acquaintances would agree, there are plenty of folks who trust friends more than family or lovers.