Disqus - Latest Comments for jeremyca

Re: Next Life, NO Kids: 9 Reasons I Want To Drink After Almost 16 Years of Sobriety

jeremyca — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 02:39:55 -0000

It has been said that, at some point in your sobriety, the only thing that will stand between you and a drink, will be your higher power. I know too many "timers" with lots of time go back out because of isolation, justification, and not going to meetings, or doing The Work. Lorna Kelly, now 35 years sober from New York says, quoting Mother Teresa on her deathbed, "You must protect this special gift." Some go back out, some return, most do not and end up dead. Is that what you want to chance? If your head is squirrely, then call a member or better yet, your sponsor. Hit some more meetings, and get into the Book and The Work. Begin with prayer, because without that grounding, you are screwed. Stay Sober ... No matter What .

Re: Does it really get better? Five years later.

jeremyca — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 02:18:34 -0000

Shannon.

I've watched you grow up and for me, things you said kept me coming back for more, even where I am in my life, we need touchstones, you are one of mine. I can tell you that five years ago, I was just into my 40's and little by slowly, a new wisdom began to set in. Wait, if your mid twenties is "this good" right now, consider where you will be when you hit 40. Do gay men in their forties have life? Are we relevant? Yes we are. I've been sober now almost 14 years, when my journey to grow up began, it has been one hell of a ride.

Like you, I've grown up, my twenties were a washout and even into my mid thirties was a bust, but at age 34, as a gay man, I decided that I had to grow up, something I avoided like the plague. I had delusions of being a beach bod sex kitten in my thirties that just was not going to fly anymore. I couldn't drink enough alcohol to make it work.

AIDS and Alcoholism kept me in a box for so long.

Now I lived to see my forties and I am closing in on fifty in a couple of years, I survived, I did not die, and certainly, hands down, life got better. My life and my husbands life have changed so much, in just the last year.

Would I go back? I would go back in time? Yes, for years 26 and 27, because it was the worst of times and it was the best of times. But I'd scrap the rest.

Shannon, I believed in you all those years ago, and I still believe in you. I'm so proud of you. I imagine that I won't be the first person to tell you that. It Does Get Better ... Love, Peace and Abundance Shannon.

Goodnight from Montreal.
Jeremy A.

Re: Gay 101. Satisfaction not Guaranteed.

jeremyca — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 03:03:55 -0000

True, you won't find intimacy on a hook up or a one night stand. When I married my husband ten years ago, he was diagnosed and treated for bi-polar disorder. The drugs they gave him emasculated him and wiped away his sex drive and his (as I call it) his intimacy meter. Sex is a subject that is in the room, but neither of us bring it up. Sex is the great leveler. It either happens or it doesn't. And that usually makes or breaks a relationship or long term commitment. I've found ways around intimacy, and I've worked to replace it with something meaningful. I stayed because I remember who he was when I met him, years before we got married. We place great store by sex, and we judge each other by how good it is, how long it is and how often it happens. We've seen and heard scores of young gay men complain about such issues. Intimacy is created on a longer term scale than a one night stand. One has to be willing to engage in the action to be presentable to someone as a human being who needs intimacy, not a sex crazed young man who only lives for sex when we can get it. Too many gay men live for the hunt, the sex and the screaming orgasm at the end, and they then walk away with little more than a cordial goodbye. You are not in England right now, and your term in Melbourne is how long? Is there time to cultivate intimacy with yourself and then with another? Is there someone there who could fulfill your desire for movies and cuddles, in opt for down and dirty sex? Or is this something you will seek later when you return to Europe? Intimacy like I said is a long term goal. and one we should all strive for. Sex is great, but intimacy, however long or short is the gift. It is a decision, a commitment to yourself to better that area of your life, and that will take time. Be intimate with yourself. Do nice things, alone, find the things that you like, baths, walks, reading. If you do this, the inward action will manifest in outward appearance. And in time someone might catch it coming from you and want to see what you have to offer, its all about being good to yourself, that in turn makes you good for another. Intimately ... Happy New Year Shannon.

Re: THE RETURN OF ART BELL

jeremyca — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 22:50:20 -0000

It is great that Art is returning to night time radio. I wondered why he chose the hours he is on, as not to compete with George and Coast to Coast. A wise choice I think. We will be bouncing between satellite and terrestrial radio to listen to both shows here in Canada. Welcome back Art. We missed him when he left. And we wish him well.

Re: Montreal - Tap That Guy

jeremyca — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 22:30:49 -0000

This is an Orange Line Train in Montreal. Giveaway ... blue seats.

Re: Good bye Grindr, two weeks later.

jeremyca — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 00:15:28 -0000

Shannon. Growing up in the 80's for me was fresh because there were no computers or date sites. Which forced kids to get out into the world and meet, greet and form real relationships. You've shared in the past about getting out there and you are now getting out there and really "people meet" which is much more gratifying than sitting at home waiting for a hit on a website. I never had success on dating sites. I met my now hubby just in passing and now we are married 8 years now. I'm really happy you are out in the neighborhood and meeting people. Isn't it better talking to a live human being than words on a website or on your phone. Keep up the good work.

Re: What is the Universe telling me?

jeremyca — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 02:45:44 -0000

Does the job offered make you feel secure? Is it something that You'd enjoy doing in the long run, not being photography? Will you be selling out for "just a job" ? If what you are doing or what you may be doing doesn't ring true for you, then don't take it. Is this the opportunity that you have been asking for? Or like you say, should you up the ante on your request? Melbourne, Sydney ??? where do you want to be? And what do you really want to do with your life. What will bring you the most life / job fulfillment and satisfaction? If it doesn't feel right for any reason, then there is your answer. Hope that helps. Jeremy in Montreal.

Re: http://tapthatguy.com/post/10568900250?ref=nf

jeremyca — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 02:54:45 -0000

Place D'Armes Metro Station. Outside China Town and the Old Port.

Re: Last Sermon

jeremyca — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 03:46:07 -0000

Hey Preacher man...

I am at a loss that RLP is dead. But you still breathe. That means there is life still within you. I will be at a loss that you have decided not to write here any more. I have grown to love you like many others. Many of your sermons and writings have been of great support and teaching on my blog. The earth trembles at the fact that this space is vacant.

I wish only the best for you, but I hope you will still write. Life is a journey, and this part of the journey may be over, but it is far from over.

There are still words to be written, and religious communities to visit, I often muse over seeing you in my minds eye sitting in that Quaker space pondering the universe.

Don't stray too far. We will - I will miss you. Your ministry has been of great value to me and my readers.

Keep in touch.

Jeremy in Montreal.

Re: http://tapthatguy.com/post/1060327585

jeremyca — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 00:24:58 -0000

He is at Berri Uqam Metro Station, on an Orange Line Train ...

Re: Spiritual growth by subtraction

jeremyca — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:46:56 -0000

See, I have been prodding you to return to the Quakers. To sit and listen. If you don't listen to your heart beat, you are not living. If you are too full of "Stuff" where is it God can put new stuff? They say that downsizing is good when it comes to God, empty space makes good room for God. Mowing the grass is a vocation, I wish I had a yard to mow. That was communing with God... really... Pay attention to the silences, that's where you will find him.

Re: Struggling to find myself

jeremyca — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 04:17:42 -0000

Writing is like riding a bike. You never forget how it's done. You are still living, like others have said. At some point you will have an experience, that you may want to write about. I always wondered if you would go back to the Quakers to sit and ponder the universe. You always tell great stories. You will find your way. Just stay out of your own way and let life happen. And pay attention to the omens and signs. People are rereading the Alchemist as of late. Find your life purpose. Then get out of the way.

Jeremy

Re: Something new: Live Bible Study Online at RLP

jeremyca — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 02:42:10 -0000

Oh, it's on a Tuesday night. That's my A.A. home group service night. And I am chairing this month. damn.

I have class on Mon and Wed nights from 6 to 8:30p.m.

Oh well, maybe next time.

Jeremy

Re: Security!!!!

jeremyca — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:45:08 -0000

Wordpress has implemented new security features on our blogs in the last week.

Jeremy

Re: Aaargh!!!

jeremyca — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:10:22 -0000

Was it that important that he remember "Everything?" Did you not cut him enough slack, or are you being anal about memorization of everything that means something to you? Communication works both ways. Maybe you should stick a post it note on the fridge and list everything that he needs to remember... Ugh...

I don't like arguing either, in fact we rarely argue about anything. For the most part I let a lot ride, and I just don't bring things up, Sometimes it is better that way. Why start an argument when you can avoid one???

You live - You learn. The finer points of living with and relating to another person.

Stop being so anal and chill out...

Contrition is better than derision.

Jeremy

Re: GenGap revisited

jeremyca — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:31:28 -0000

I think it is harder for couples that have many years between them. Any more than a 10 year disparity is a generation of time, thinking and age. I found that problematic in one of my earlier relationships. I was a mover and shaker and he was a home body, I was much younger and he much older and we ended up splitting up because of the disparity. Hubby and I are only 5 years apart, but we both have our own lives and friends outside of home. I was born in one age and he was born in the next, it is not a life issue, that would cause problems, but we both see the world differently.

It is hard to reconcile a relationship that spans decades if that's what is chosen, those that can make it work are blessings. We see many older couples who have been together for more than 10 plus years have age disparities of over ten years, but they were raised in a particular time and unlike us, relationships were secret and kept in the dark. They did not have the same stressors like we do today.

That's why when we grow up that a boy becomes a man when he learn how to put the needs of his other before his own. Some couples don't have issue with age. In today's day and age, boys don't settle young, and they are very choosy and will hop from bed to bed until they figure it out. Why settle when you can have Mr. right now? Generational dating is not something this young generation cares too much about. Coupling is happening at much older ages we find. Younger boys are much concerned with superficial things and they seem to over look what is really important in a relationship. That's why you have intergenerational problems.

Just a few thoughts.
Jeremy

Re: Alcohol Debate

jeremyca — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:18:06 -0000

Changing drinking habits of a country is a challenge, that\'s why change has to begin with us and the spiral outwards to those we know. I think it begins with good choices and good adult advice as in \"don\'t pick up the first drink\" beyond that what can you do? Campaigns for kids and alcohol is another tool, adverts, commercials, press, radio, and tv... Everybody is guilty of promoting this excessive drinking culture around the world. It is the same here in Canada. As it is in the U.S.

We have gov\'t run liquor stores here and they make a mint on taxes. The only way to keep kids off the booze is to regulate it and change liquor laws and punish bar owners for serving minors as they do in many countries.

You can\'t change society without help from the top, those in power need to speak their minds in order to affect legal changes where change needs to happen.

Just don\'t pick up the first drink...

Jeremy

Re: Defeatism

jeremyca — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:09:54 -0000

Jeremy emailed this comment as he is having trouble logging in with OpenID, which I'll look into.

I Believe that Happily Ever After is very over rated. You can have happy, but as life has shown me, life is not always happy. And shit happens. And illness sometimes is worse than expected. Yet, we strive each day for happily ever after and we live in the moment and we enjoy life.

The dream of happy ever after died when illness struck us as hard as it did. Nothing was EVER the same after that. It's not happily ever after, we now live in what will be will be and we do the best that we can with what we have been given.

People tend to forget that shit happens when we least expect it. And what is Normal? and what is Happy? is it all relative? Living with AIDS is not a cakewalk nor is Bi-Polar, but as long as we are healthy we don't rock the boat. I don't know if we will ever aspire to the little house with the pickett fence and the dog and children, that's why happily ever after is overrated.

Yes we can find happiness. But what will we do if we miss it? What if dealing with strife is all that we get this time around? Where did happily ever after go? If life is good, then life is happy isn't it? But nothing lasts forever. We are human, not superhuman. It's progress not perfection, is all that we can strive for.

Jeremy

Re: Facebook Hotties

jeremyca — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 21:16:55 -0000

I'm on Facebook (jeremiah Andrews) ....

Jeremy

Re: Protected: Reality Shift

jeremyca — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:32:29 -0000

Relationships with issues such as ours are very fragile, and can be somewhat like children. We grow together every day and we try not to repeat mistakes in teaching or learning. We are both faced with certain challenges and I think those challenges really make up our character. You live, you learn, and you do your best. Sometimes we have to make it up as we go along, but for the most part we do ok. AS long as there is love to go around and you believe in your relationship, then all will be well. Keep writing and Keep on Living.

You have your youth still ahead of you so always be grateful for small miracles.

Jeremy

Re: Inner Circle

jeremyca — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 02:35:39 -0000

I will agree with any format you choose, hoping the comment issue is finished and we can log in to read, then there should be no problems.

Jeremy

Re: A Reason!

jeremyca — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:31:58 -0000

You will find that when you sit down to write the words will flow, from a place you may not be familiar with when writing about the past, but I encourage you to stay true to your story and write from your heart, yes we read out here, and you have more readers than you know.

Stay Cool and remember, this is your life, what you choose to write about and what you choose to keep hidden. My life is an open book, that's why there are almost 100 "Pages" on my blog about the past. It's cathartic, once you start you won't want to stop until you are finished.

Luv
Jeremy

Re: Relationship Question

jeremyca — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:55:18 -0000

I think we know all the hit button words like commitment, trust and fidelity. I like to suggest to couples that if your relationship is long term or going there that you write vows on paper and put them on the fridge. When you can live up to all of them then a relationship is truly ready to succeed. It is an important part of determining if a relationship can last through the good and bad times. and of course putting the needs of another before your own.

Jeremy

Re: Anger is a weak emotion!

jeremyca — Sat, 10 May 2008 03:07:43 -0000

Fear leads to Anger - Anger leads to Hate - Hate leads to Suffering...

Master Yoda

Re: Analyse me!!!!

jeremyca — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:57:31 -0000

I would say that I am not possessive of my husband. I am not the jealous type. This is another one of those "Moderation" points one must navigate. Possessiveness can masquerade as over bearing or protective. Or it can be the ugly POSSESSIVEness...

Hubby does nothing to make me jealous and I do the same for him. We have separate friends and lives outside this marriage and we have grown together quite well. Yes. I am protective of him but not possessive over him. There is a difference.

Loving reinforcement does not mean you have to get overbearingly possessive. The older you get and the longer you relate to one person in relationship, the more you will learn where the fine line between being caring and possessive lies. Jealousy is something entirely different.

If you act upon a feeling unjustly or too quickly, you might harm the fine balance you are attempting to strike between you and Josh. It's good to care, not to overbear...

Everything in moderation. Don't over analyze yourself or him, or you might miss the nuance and shadow of love. You can Over-Love someone and that is unhealthy. You can become over possessive, and that can in the end harm both of you.

You young boys still have things to learn about relationship, wisdom comes with age. Today someone asked me if I was wise, I replied, in some cases, I think I am, but not in all.

Easy Does It. I don't mean to belittle this but if you are a jealous man, that is your issue, not his, and you need to get to the bottom of why? Maybe a little insecurity? This has been an issue before. There again lies the truth, you have to live into a proper relationship and that takes time, effort, love and COMPROMISE...

Don't be a poop and become a possessive lover because that will limit the ways you both can grow into love, individually and together. That will only hurt you in the long run.

Young gay boys have more to worry about like vanity, jealousy, self-centeredness, and the all powerful EGO. If someone is going to steal your man and you fear that loss, maybe you are a little possessive. And that's all well and good, but like I said everything in moderation.