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Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:12:57 -0000

yes lisa and I both watched if these walls could talk 2.. we were in the "ellen" phase of getting her pregnant - in the end we adopted. But we felt so hurt by the older woman and vowed AGAIN we would never let that happen to each other - and after I was dx with MS in 1999 - that is when we had the power of attorneys and living wills drawn up. We openly discussed our end of life wished. Lisa and I were present at my grandmother's bedside when she died, with my grandpa and we thought how wonderful and peace and dignified it all was with us all with her... and I contrast that with what happened to her and it makes me want to vomit all over again

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:24:06 -0000

thank you ICDK - you said it perfectly.. when I come across long discssions about our case I sometimes chime in and tonight I am.. and yes I crying because I miss her beyond words.. so you just recognizing me and Lisa and kids as people that this happened to is more than enough for me.. thank you so much
peace

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:20:24 -0000

thank you iggy - I was a medical social worker and even told the sw this.. so when I did her last rites and saw her restrained I knew she was still perceiving things. I knew the kids need to start grieving.. nothing was being done until the brain flow study the next day to declare her brain dead so she could go on to save 4 lives with donating her organs as she made me promise her in the first years of us being together. you are right no one should die alone - and Lisa did. I remember trauma victims who maybe didn't have family and the nurse and I would sit and wait for death to come and this amazing nurse would sing amazing grace - I worked in a children's trauma unit.. and all I can think is that no one was there for lisa - no one. yet the kids and i were feet away begging to be let in

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:15:57 -0000

that may be fair, but how to do our children and myself become whole again? at our Holy Union back in 1991, I promised Lisa I would be with her through good times and bad, in time of health and sickness and I failed her

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:14:41 -0000

please go to my blog and read my account from that night.. at www.theLPkids.com and see if you think it is reasonable to restrain someone for 8 hrs.. 6 hours after life saving measures stopped and deny them as they slip into a coma to feel the presence of their loved ones 20 feet away. I'm baffled by your response

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:13:30 -0000

But Monica.. life saving measures ended.. lisa became an organ donor - the docs said we could see her and we aren't talking a few minutes.. we are talking 8 hours Lisa lay alone dying with myself and our adopted foster children 20 feet away. There were no other traumas being run, she was in a curtained area with 2 other patients.. all nurses at the desk.. i remember it all from the 5 minutes Last Rites ceremony.. and then to have lisa's sister appear from a long drive - not showing ID, birth certs - and told oh we moved her an hour again - and this is where to go.. and yet the kids and I were sitting in front of her for 8 hours.

it comes down to Lisa died alone, simple as that - and it was inhuman, cruel, unjust and I feel like failure to not be able to tell her I loved her one more time or for the kids to hold her hands while they were still warm.

it breaks my heart into piece that I don't know if they will ever go back in place

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:07:54 -0000

thank you Bzuley, don't cry for us.. go to our blog and there is a list of agencies you can turn your despair into action.. and ask for change on behalf of Lisa M. Pond
peace

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:05:26 -0000

thank you Krystal.. i'm not sure why certain individuals want to make this a religious discussion.. lisa was an amazing christian - but this has NOTHING to do with ours or anyone else religion ... it is about Human rights and dignity which our family was denied

Re: Hospital Forces Lesbian to Die Alone; Judge Gives Stamp of Approval

janicelangbehn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:03:30 -0000

Thank you everyone for your enlightening comments. I am the Janice of the story.. and for everyone who has long arguments. First and foremost - please remember my partner of 18 years died ALONE after it was suggested I stop medical intervention and prepared her for organ donation. She had to be restrained until she was brain dead - meaning she realized or felt something going on.. and ultimately our JOINTLY adopted kids - yes their birth certs say MOTHER and MOTHER - and I was kept from holding Lisa's hand... even after the doctors said we could be with her. We were waiting 8 hours. Lisa's sister showed up - no ID in hand - and I feel guilty for presenting her saying - "here is her sister" and only then finding out Lisa moved an hour earlier 1/2 way across that campus - I still can vomit when I replay what happened to the kids and I - and ultimately Lisa. And only then 8 hours later did I spend a little time with her.. it was after midnight and the kids finally saw her for the first time.

I can't appeal the case -b/c the 11th circuit of appeals is very restrictive - they upheld that gay floridians cannot adopt.. what if they used our case to make more restrictive precedent.. how could I live with myself if I did that to your family? I can't be selfish and push the legal case, it's wrong if I then in turn cause your family pain. I hope that makes sense.

1. I will NEVER know if I made the right decision to stop life saving treatment at about 3hrs in b/c I never saw lisa to know if what the docs were telling me is what I would know in my soul.
2. I will NEVER get over feeling like a failure to Lisa for not being there to hold her hand and comfort her and the most important time.

It's been over 2.5yrs since her death and the ruling from Judge Jordan made me relive her death like it just happened. I have spoken out through Lambda Legal - who has been beyond amazing in taking my case and Family Equality Council - and I have not asked nor received a dime off any of my speaking or interviews (sans 1 with the advocate for $300 that I then donated to Rosie's Broadway kids).

Thank you all for your amazing support emotionally towards our family. On our blog I have listed several places you can write or call if you appalled with how we were treated .. and help me seek change. If anyone doubts I was told I was in an "anti-gay city and state" by Dr. Garnett Frederick the social worker - well I have a slew of people including my own family physician I called who I told that was said to me after only being there 20 minutes. And then I never saw that man again during the next 3 days while lisa's organs were matched - Please remember she was a saint on this earth - and she saved 4 lives through her organ donation - just as she wanted and told me to do nearly since the day we became a couple and began planning our lives. If I had wanted to make that up .. do you think I would think to say it to our friends as I called frantic to get our legal papers to hospital b/c they said I was in an anti-gay state and would not see lisa. Don't you think - that would come to me say 2 weeks later or longer to make it a sensational headline. It happened and he, God and I all know he said that to me.

I miss her and the kids miss her with all our beings.
peace

family blog www.theLPkids.com