1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.

I'm glad you mentioned this. I think it's funny how guys are quick to openly disregard this, especially when they're the ones I'd expect to know better, heh.

Hey, V, I know! It's like guys are all upset about something that is totally invalid, because the basis for comparison makes no sense. I have always wondered about this - I think sometimes guys get very caught up in competing with one another, and that plays out later in their relationships with women.

Susan, I'm sorry I haven;t been able to comment so long but I've always looked at your newsletters and this one has forced a respond through my busy schedule. The moment you said Tom Thumb you shot the whole argument in the foot. It's not that we care what are penis looks like most of the time. It's that We care what our penis looks like to YOUR friends and YOU. You have remembered tom thumb for your entire life. And at the time your probably told your friends about tom thumb and thus dubbed him to your friends tom thumb. That is a reputation he will always have with you, and at the time he had with your friends (unless they also remembered that story as well). At a time where I made friends with a girl of ill repute, I remember I hung around her and her friends on a saturday after a party and the way the talked about some of the guys easily led me to not want to hang with them again. Unless you go through a whore phase or have alot of practice with a small pool of girls men don't know what to do in the bedroom in terms of foreplay that much. So imagine what guys might feel to hear their terrible oral and substandard penis being talked about amongst the girls the next day in their "war stories". But hey the imagination runs wild when we think about these things. But let me know what you think if that makes a little more sense. No one wants to be the tom thumb, cause girls will introduce him to their friends without poor tom ever saying a word.

Oh, Escarondito, I am so happy to hear from you! Thanks for commenting, I am really glad you still read HUS.

OK, first of all, I am sorry to make light of Tom Thumb. The truth is, that was a severe micropenis situation - literally the size of my small thumb. I felt terrible about it, and have never laughed at his expense, or told that story around the campfire. I always wondered why he went into the hookup that way - I guess he wanted a normal NSA hookup experience just like every other guy has. I was sorry I couldn't give him that. And honestly, the guy with the really big penis didn't make out any better - that story I have told to my gf's, because he was so stunned that I could turn it down!

The point is, girls are not really talking about substandard penises. We are pretty happy with whatever you've got if we like you. And whether we like you has little to do with the size of your genitals. If we can honestly give you an A for effort in bed, you're golden. You don't need to be expert - you need to be interested in what turns us on. And what turns us on has little to do with the size of your dick.

As for oral, it's not so difficult. Show enthusiasm, keep it soft and gentle, and ask her how she likes it. Even the most experienced guys have to figure it out for each girl - we can't tell how much a guy has done before, to be honest.

One last thing - yes, girls do discuss hookups the morning after. But it's a mistake to think they are telling stories at a guy's expense. So often I hear stories of hookups that focus on what romance there was, if any.

Escarondito has it right. and so do you. You women are at fault for this. Ive always been told I was big by girls but I still don't believe them because women lie, especially about sex and relationships. Contrary to what I see on tv, men don't lie that much and when they do its a small sampling and usually obvious and meant as a joke. Its not men comparing, its women that are comparing. Even all this anecdotal crap about boys comparing sizes in the locker room and what not. I only saw that once in my school years, in boy schout camp and it was 5 of 50 boys in the corner of the lockerroom. And yknow what, now they all have boyfriends and wish gays could get married. This isn't typical behavior and only shows how much you women don't know about men. I have never heard any man label a current or ex gf or wife some stupid name based on their "junk" whether nipples or ass or whatever. All of this stuff is nothing more than projecting in my opinion. But even so, as far as size goes theres nothing that can be done about it, its not like a man can go from a size c to a dd. You say that women don't care, the fact is they wouldn't talk about it if they didn't care, unless theyre just trying to be mean or hurtful. You say you don't care and then go on to use the words l"ittle guy" and "tom thumb". Its cause of comments like that that my entire life ive been given shit constantly by men and women about being less than 5,10'ft tall. I actually wish men used more elaborate words to describe women instead of bitch or crazy chick, that way we wouldn't be dismissed in such a condescending way. I don't think most men actually care about it, we may joke, but thats only to relieve the stress dumped on us by women constantly comparing and making such a "big" deal about even the small ones. You might try to say sometihng like men compare tits, but every guy I know have dated atleast one girl with small boobs, we like big boobs but we don't make such a big deal about it. You women do that.

Whoa, Bob, no way I can respond to all your complaints here, but let me say a couple of things to clarify. First, "little guy" is an affectionate nickname that I apply to all penises. Kind of like "your little friend." I apologize if that offended you. I guess I really waded into sensitive territory here.

As for guys comparing themselves to other guys, it's not anecdotal crap, it's the result of real research, which I cite in the Sources. The point of my article is that women don't care much, don't make a big deal about it - I state that explicitly. The research also shows that men care a great deal, and worry about the size of their genitals a great deal. And that's bad. It's bad for men, because it affects their self-confidence. And it's bad for women, because men who feel needlessly insecure about their penises are less likely to approach women with confidence. It's just a stupid waste. I try in my article to set the record straight.

I'm not saying some men don't have smallish penises. I'm saying women really aren't measuring very closely, and don't care very much. It's the same with height; I'm short but have never let that define me - when people point it out I think it's strange that they feel the need to do so. I am comfortable with my puny height. So I say lighten up a little. We all need to laugh at ourselves. So you're under 5'10" and you have a big penis. That's not such a bad fate.

You know the duckster has to get in here.

I am bombarded everyday with advertisement from you guessed it, enlargement pills. I say, will someone please tell me what’s wrong with my penis? Look at this thing honey; do you see anything wrong with it?

Guys want a big penis for themselves. No hold on here Susan and brace for a crash landing. There is a reason God didn’t make penis’ any longer or a guys neck any longer. (Kaboom, I am so cracking up at myself). If either were any longer there would be no babies. (I am so cracking up, right now, I can’t believe I wrote that).

So, what are you telling me dear, I need to get a penis reduction?

Okay, newsflash, as we get older guys don’t just get long in the tooth. (Badaboom, I’m on a roll.)

Srsly, as we get older, like my age, sex gets really good.

Nuther newsflash, if we get in shape, get abs, loose weight and the like, guess what, the old hooper looks bigger.

Now on porn. I just don’t have any interest in it. It objectifies women. I have watched it but it’s the same old skanks doing the same old thing and it has no place on my radar.

Thanke for the opportunity to comment on the long and the short of this issue.

We love you women but we don't care that you don't care. Truly.

As an aside, I thought it was interesting to read about Ron confessing to wanting a big penis for himself. Freudian slip Ron baby? Even though I think he sounds like a wee bit of a pinhead, I am kidding him and he is right. Most men know deep down that their dicks are fine. We just wouldn't mind the option of having a solid thick heavy 9 inch piece of manmeat to whip out and impress at in line at the supermarket, school, parties, orgies, bunko parties, work and even on TV if Howard Stern pays us enough.

And if I suddenly wake up with a big schvanstucker, that baby is going to be unfurled in the mens room like it is Old Glory. I am standing a foot from the urinal. Everyone is going to know about it from the first to the 15th floor. If I lucky enough to be in college with the same large organ, I am playing show and tell with every co-ed this side of the Mississippi. I am so damn proud of it I am getting it casted and bronzed.
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Yeah it's juvenile and suspiciously like the red expensive sports car. But it's true. Micro dick or mega large cock and most men will go with mega every time. Now, for me, as you probably have gathered my length and girth are average with no real complaints. Would I like more girth and length? Sure why not? My brother on the other hand has a donkey dong. Reportedly 9 inches when erect and freakishly thick. Now my edge is that I am 2 inches taller. Would I trade my height for his schlong? Probably not as I like my height. But I might have to give it some serious thought!

Bob. Dude. Really, we don't care. Really. I have never discussed penis size with my girlfriends. Ever. We've discussed how good men are in bed--which has way more to do with how much attention they pay to us and almost nothing to do with whether or not they have a big dick. I have slept with a micro-dick, and it would have probably been OK, if I had gotten some other kinds of attention. He was in such a hurry that the whole episode was disappointing. I have also turned down a mega-dick--it was just too scary at the time!

Now, I've never been a real lover of oral. Maybe I've just never been with anyone that was any good at it. However, it's just never done anything for me. I also don't get off much on giving it. I would much rather have a slow seduction and some manual stimulation. My current BF is very much average in penis size, possibly a little on the small side, but I am probably going to marry him because of the way *he treats me*, not because of anything to do with how awesome he is in bed. Maybe guys should be more worried about their behavior, and a little less about their penis size.

Janipurr, I love you, I really do. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have some female company in this conversation! Wow, I really hit a nerve with this one.

I also love what you have to say. Your story is proof that women want (and deserve) a lot, but it needn't be all about sex. I wish it were possible to shift the focus to behavior - the truth is, some guys have it figured out, some guys are still figuring it out, and some guys will never get beyond it. Congrats on finding a great guy.

I just went to see an exhibit about Pompeii while I was in LA. and All the statues that were found of men the guys have incredible small penises. So, naturally, my uncle, cousin, and I started talking about it. I guess culturally it was a better to have a small penis in the culture it was a sign of ... well I am not sure what...but despite the sculptures having rock hard abs, sculted arms and thighs they had wee penises.

And I honestly don't care at all, and haven't seen enough penises to know what is average or not.

Hi Decoybetty, I don't know if you've ever seen it, but Michelangelo's David has a pretty small penis. I never noticed until I was standing there right in front of it. What was good enough for Michelangelo is good enough for me!

This is a conversation I had with my ex-husband over and over. I never and I mean NEVER cared about his penis size. He was the one that was bothered by it, and let me tell you it is of average size. Now let me tell you my own personal observation. Length was never any big deal to me....girth was.

After my ex-hubby, I dated a guy that was fairly long, we're talking a good 7 inches, and he was thin, there was no girth, so really sex didn't feel all that good, because I couldn't really feel it.

Rebekah

It's true; to the extent that women do indicate a preference, they care more about girth than length. But I think it's all about the brain. Sex with a real, intimate connection can be fabulous no matter what the equipment looks like. And a random hookup is unlikely to be mind-blowing regardless of how perfect the penis is.

Yes, to the extent that women do care about size, it's girth they mention rather than length. Either way, it is so much more about the brain than the penis. A real intimate connection could make sex fabulous regardless of the equipment, and a random hookup with a stranger is not likely to be mind-blowing no matter what his stuff looks like.

Interestingly, I have never thought of men comparing penis size as something meant to impress women. I suppose nominally it is supposed to be that, much like nominally women dress up for men's benefit. But just as women usually dress up as a status thing among them, men consider the size of a man's dick as relative to his status. A man deriding another man's cock is like a woman disdaining another woman's sense of style. True this is not always the case, there are men who don't play that game, just as there are women who don't give a damn about dress, but among those who do it is all about power (or potency, as it were...) and status.

So naturally when women talk about a guy's dick it makes them nervous as it can have an effect on how he is perceived by other men. If someone who dislikes him hears a bunch of women slandering his size, that information will be used against him mercilessly.

In so many ways we humans never really get all the way out of the high school mentality. Funny, in a way.

Hey, Screwtape, I find your response so interesting. It's clear from what guys are saying that it really is all about approval from buddies. So even if women don't care about penis size, it doesn't make a difference - guys don't feel reassured because we don't have the cred to reassure them. And does that mean that the flaccid comparison is the relevant one? I've read that it's the same with hooking up - it's less about the sex and more about what he can say about the sex to his friends the next day. I agree that it's very Ridgemont High.

I suppose your analogy to women and dressing up is also very true. I'm always surprised at how hard girls work to get ready to go out - I've often got half a dozen college girls at my house getting ready for an hour or more. It's a group activity, swapping clothes, makeup and gossip. Of course, not one of the guys they're going to hang out with could describe one of their outfits the next day if his life depended on it. But that really is beside the point.

well from my experience it all depends on the girl/woman. my current fiance when we first met cheated on me because she wanted a bigger penis. yes she had had one before and she told me they felt better to her. "filled her up more". so one summer she worked as a life guard and heard a guys nickname was "donkey" so she cheated on me with him just because she wanted a bigger penis again. sad thing is she had my baby inside her which she was pregnant for about 4 months. so we are still trying to work things out but its hard. specially when she still says "every man should come with at least 8 inches, thats ideal", so i go everyday wondering when she's gonna start a fuss with me on purpose again like the first time so she can run off and get laid to get a bigger dick again. i wish it were true. size doesn't matter, but in fact it does to some.

mynamesux, thanks for leaving a comment. Seriously, if this woman were not the mother of your child I would tell you to have nothing to do with her. That is horrible. Every man should come with at least 8 inches? Sorry, but that is less than 1% of the population. Going with a guy whose nickname is Donkey? Is this woman a porn star? I have NEVER heard a woman speak that way. I think you need to find someone who loves you for your brain and your heart, not the size of your dick.

HI all. I am with a woman, 4 years now, who told me that she was with the abusive bastard, who is also the father of her child, cause he had a huge penis and the sex was amazing. She bragged to me about his size, she told me that she bragged to friends of hers while she was with him. The sex was rough, demeaning, painful, yet she thought it was great becuase of his height and size.

I am so very troubled, she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me. She has told me way too much. I am now completely obsessed with size and embarrassment, even though I'm not small.

I am stuck with images of actual sexual situations she has told me about.

Sounds like she is about as insensitive and shallow as my ex-wife was. If she is bragging about this shit to you 4 years into the relationship than you need to dump her. She will continue her raving about it as time progresses. If she has any concern for your feelings whatsoever she would have stopped the first time she saw it made you feel uncomfortable.
The fact alone that you stated "she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me" shows just how heartless she actually is. Matters of the heart will come out during sex. Seriously man, it took me time to realize...in fact, years later after the divorce that I am much better off...let me give you a clue on how heartless my ex is...I have full custody of my children...my son's birthday was yesterday...she never called...hasn't given Christmas gifts for years nor seen them....my point in saying all this is... you are not married... and if you're girlfriend is this uncaring and insensitive now.... then it will only get worse in time...her character is showing...and you don't want to possibly be in the same boat that I am in....get out while you can...and find a real woman...they will never bring that issue up..

Hey chris, thanks for leaving a comment. brian06 is being too kind here - insensitive and shallow is too nice a description for this woman's behavior. You are describing deliberate cruelty. No one should ever have to listen to descriptions of sex with a previous partner.

Any woman who would have demeaning and painful sex because of penis size is seriously disturbed. I have no idea about her past experiences, but she seems to be seeking to be utterly dominated, controlled and punished. That does not allow for healthy sex or a healthy relationship.

You deserve so much more from a committed relationship. This woman is sapping the confidence out of you, and making you feel terrible about yourself. You have a normal penis, but now you are preoccupied that it is insufficient. And you worry about it every time you have sex.

I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know whether counseling could fix her, but I have to agree with brian here - get out now.

You know, I have thought the same way that both of you have about all this, many times. But then I think about the really messed up, twisted ways he treated her in the relationship. Not just sexually, but emotionally, physically, financially all of it. I DID tell her many many times to stop but she just couldn't.

I have recently been reading about Stockholm Syndrome and it describes exactly how and why she would have said and done the things that she has. You have no idea and I won't go into it as it's too painful too rethink, but I can understand what's happened to her.

I simply can't get past seeing her with him, and IT, and the horrible, debilitating feelings of inadequacy. I sought help myself, 13 sessions and it just made things worse for me and us.

On top of this, her f$%king ex is pushing and pushing through the courts to get custody of the little girl and to force Susannah back into contact with him.

I don't know how to feel confident with this woman that I love so much.

I've been through a lot in my life, but this is the worst emotional pain I have ever known.

WOMEN SHOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT PAST SEX WITH SOMEONE THEY ARE WITH.

I want this on billboards around the bloody world.

Girls please try to understand, you may just joke about penis size and it doesn't truly matter to YOU, but it matters to us. It's crucial to the way a man feels about himself.

Don't destroy a man, then expect him to be one. Please.

What is most troubling to me is that you are in the middle of an incredibly destructive and dysfunctional relationship - the one between your gf and her ex. Regardless of what her issues are, you must recognize that this is making you beyond miserable. I'm sorry that the counseling didn't help you - I don't understand how it could possibly have made things worse.

I hear what you're saying, that you love this woman very much, but it sounds like she is in no way emotionally available for anyone, including you. Will she ever recover from the damage her narcissist ex has inflicted? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life waiting to find out?

As I said above, I agree with you re talking about past sex. This is NEVER ok. And demeaning a man's penis by comparing it to another is incredibly shitty. I'm not sure why you love a woman who treats you this way, but I remain convinced that you must take responsibility for your own happiness here and put yourself first. You are in NO POSITION to help her. Please help yourself - seek a different therapist, make an exit. You say that this woman has destroyed you. I urge you to reach out and get more support than I can give on my little blog.

Susanawalsh, you wrote "We really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size".

You ain't going to love. Seriously.

Every guy wants to be THE ONE that the girls remember, and giggle about together and think is exciting.

The Big Guy.

Unfortunately for me, my lady had that in her life for 6 years.

Aguy that was 6 inches taller than me, and based on her drunken, distorted estimates, anything from 3 inches longer than me, to less than half an inch longer than me and thinner. What the hell can I believe?

Obviously the worst is the safest thing to believe. That way I can't get smashed again by more information.

Every guy wants to be bragged about. Same as every woman does.

Shit this hurts.

Chris, I still call bullshit. A man whose woman loves him will hear from her that she loves his penis. She loves the way it looks, feels, tastes and smells. It IS him. In the post I urge women to provide this praise and reinforcement. Your example demonstrates why this is so important. Of course men are eager to believe their genitals are desirable. You were put on this earth to procreate in one sense, and you need to feel good about the equipment you do that with.

Re bragging, that doesn't happen. Women will fuss over a penis to the guy, but I have NEVER heard a woman brag about a man's large penis. That is how I know THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN.

I am so sorry you are suffering. I can only imagine how difficult this is. Please don't let it destroy you.

I'm trying not to let it destroy me, but I am in a lot of trouble. And yes, there is something very wrong with My girl (Susannah) but she has avoided getting help for a long time now.

If I leave, she will be financially screwed and probably end up back in control with this evil f$%ker who will not let her alone.

Everyone is telling me to be selfish and leave, but I just can't bring myself to put me, above the needs of a little girl and Susannah.

There has been troubling signs of sexual grooming when the little girl stays with him, not enough for the authorities to act, but enough.

And all I can think about is Susannah, young, on drugs, partying and getting slammed by her big dick tall boss (did I mention that?).

If a woman were to come clean and tell the absolute truth regarding her ideal penis size preference, she would run the risk of diminishing the size of the pool of her potential suitors. This is why most women lie about penis size preference. Women know that men talk to each other. So, a woman is very unlikely to ever admit that she prefers larger equipment when talking to a male about that particular subject. If she is honest about it and spills the beans, she knows that the man to whom she is talking will probably tell a male friend about her size preferences. And that friend will tell another man. And so on. And then she will be labeled (unfairly, in my opinion) as a materialistic slut. And then she will have to move to a new city in another state, in order to bag a man with a large schlong and a fat wallet. So women lie about this subject, for the same reasons that anybody lies about anything - they do so out of the need for self-preservation (i.e., for survival, and for comfort).

A pair of Russian scientists conducted an ingenious study regarding women's sexual preferences. I can dig out the actual study if anyone is interested. The upshot of it was this - women not only lie to men about their size preferences, but they lie to themselves as well. For example, most women in the study claimed to like all sorts of penises - small, average, large. But when they were asked to demonstrate the size of an "average" penis on a ruler, they consistently fell in the 17cm and up range. (In other words, most women think that what is actually an average penis in a statistical sense, is "small", and they also think that what is actually a large penis in a statistical sense, is "average".)

Many other studies have proven that their is a positive correlation between the frequency of sex refusal ("I have a headache") and the size of the male penis. Men with smaller penises are refused sex, far more often, by their female partners, than are men with larger equipment. Studies have also shown that females pick up on sociological cues from well-endowed men, and are naturally drawn to them. Well-endowed men are more confident, and they project outwardly visible cues (other than their bulges) that women pick up on subconsciously.

Most well-endowed males do not seek out females, nor do they tend to have long-term relationships. Why? Because they don't have to worry about having a steady stream of female partners, nor do they have to worry about having a long-term relationship. They have a constant stream of potential bedmates. Women are inveterate crotch-watchers (not all of them, just most of them). And women talk about sex, with their female friends, on a regular basis. And if and when they land a "big one", they tend to brag about it to their female friends. And that makes it even easier for the well-endowed guy to have more options in his "sex stable".

The best way to prove it to your own satisfaction that most women prefer men with large equipment is to think about the following question - Is a woman going to get more physically aroused when looking at a five-inch penis, or is she going to get more aroused when looking at an eight-inch penis? As a man, do you think she would tend to be more physically aggressive (especially in an oral sense), when she sees a five-incher or an eight-incher? Now we all know the answer to that one, don't we, and all the "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean" responses we continually here from females is not going to, um, "float that boat", for lack of a better phrase.

To summarize, hell yes, women prefer bigger penises - it's just not wise for a woman to admit it in the company of men. Unless she wants to spend the rest of her life alone (or with guys who have large equipment who basically use her and spit her out to the curb).

I rest my case, your honor. Have a nice lay. I mean day.

Hey, Bob, thanks for leaving a comment. I agree that women who care for a guy will rush to reassure him that his penis is adequate, or even big, no matter what size it is. That's because we know how insecure men are about penis size. Secondly, if we are into a guy, we'll tell him that we are into his dick, that it is so hot, etc., because it is. However, women are subject to cultural conditioning just like anyone else. If anyone is to blame for this, it's men! You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it.

I also agree that well-endowed males exude more self-confidence, and that it serves them well in attracting women. Women do not look at crotches for evidence of flaccid penis size. For one thing, it's not a reliable test; aside from the fact that there are showers and growers, pants style plays a role there. For example, a cute guy in skinny jeans will look better endowed than the same guy in khaki slacks. The only time I've ever checked out that area on a clothed man is when he seems aroused in an inappropriate setting.

Here's some news for you, entirely based on anecdotal evidence and feedback from my readers: An 8 inch penis is nice to look at, but otherwise a drag. It's long enough to bang the cervix during intercourse, which is quite painful. Sex from behind is agony with a large penis. It's also too much of a mouthful. We're more likely to choke as we try in vain to take a significant part of it into our mouths.

It's not the motion of the ocean. It's the feelings you have for a man, the feelings he has for you, and what that does to your brains in making incredible sex. If we're talking a hookup, then it's how generous the guy is, how turned on he seems, and whether he knows anything about the almighty clitoris.

You both raise some very good and true points. I agree with your response most of all, Susana. By the way, in one response point to Bob's question, you said that an 8-inch penis is nice to look at but is impractical for actual sex; does that mean that a 5-inch penis is LESS nice to look at but is more practical for sex? Haha. =P

One thing, though, Susana, is that you should not write off men as being more concerned with what other men think of their penises (than they are with what women think). Certainly your claim is true for some men, but NOT for all men---or even for most men!!! Your normal everyday guy is NOT worried about what other guys think of his penis. Despite popular culture's idea of what gym lockers/showers are like, most men pay as little attention as possible to other men's penises (for fear of being labeled as gay, and also because straight guys just do not enjoy seeing the junk of other guys). Most guys in the real world compare each other's "social worth" by the differential grades, salaries, jobs, careers, house size, cars, and women they get, NOT by comparing each other's penises .

I do hope you believe me when I say that many guys out there (if not most) worry over their penis size because they only want one simple thing: for the girls they like to like them back in the same way. Look at it this way. When we (both men and women) all meet someone we're attracted to, we start to mind everything about ourselves: our appearance, the way we smell, the way we act, the way we talk, the way we walk, etc. Why? Because when we truly like somebody, we like all those things about them without compromise. And so, we become vulnerable and worry that OUR features won't give them the happiness and desire that THEIR features give us.

It's no different when it comes to genitalia (in fact, it's even multiplied tenfold because we're naked). When a man likes a woman, he is turned on 100% by everything about her body (including her wonderful vulva), which is why he worries that his penis doesn't measure up to everything that she might like in a penis---and this is true even for guys who are already honestly being as attentive and hard-working in bed as they can possibly be (I can't stress this enough, as some women are quick to write this issue off as guys thinking sex is all about size). It doesn't matter to these guys if they find out they're big or below average; what he wants, above all else, is for that cute girl giving him so much pleasure to feel the same way about his body.

In a weird way, it is actually more of an innocent desire to "love and be loved" than it is a selfish status thing. Which is why your bit of advice to women (to praise their partners' penises, if the woman means it and if the guy is trying his best in bed) is a very good one to do the trick for many guys out there. =)

Anyway, I think the rest of your points are spot-on (or at least they sound logical and reasonable to me, lol). Cheers!

Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion! Not surprisingly, it's one many men are interested in. Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us. If we are not attracted, then we don't want to see that penis no matter what. I know that men are often happy to have sex with a woman regardless of real attraction, but I have never heard a woman say that. Attraction on some level is a prerequisite for good sex to us. And I don't believe any woman would select a partner based on penis size, unless it's a one-night novelty sort of thing. As I mention in the post, when I laid eyes on the biggest penis I've ever seen (including in porn) I was petrified. It was an absolute dealbreaker. If I'd been in love, of course I would have made it work, but it was a fling that ended right there.

I'm glad to hear you say that many men are oblivious to the size of other mens' penises, because as I say above, comparing flaccid penises makes no sense. Women compare breast size all the time, and it's basically right there for everyone to see (despite the fact that women can artificially enhance them). We're checking penises out in an erect state, obviously, which is not something that everyone can see.

Finally, I agree that it all comes down to loving and being loved. Once we are loved unconditionally, we can parade around naked and feel great. That self-acceptance will occur faster when we remember to let our partners know how much they turn us on!

>>>>>>"Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion!">>>>>>>

Not a problem, haha. And likewise, thank you for responding (and so quickly!). I'm also happy that we could agree on the idea of "loving and wanting to be loved," as I too feel that this is what these kinds of issues come down to, for most reasonable people out there.

By the way, I'm VERY sorry that I wrote your name as "Susana" instead of "Susan" in my first post. As I'm new here, I didn't notice my mistake until afterward. =(

>>>>>>"Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us.">>>>>>

Well that's good to know! Thank you for the clarification. And if you don't mind me saying so, your way with words is SO lovely. You seem to know exactly what words to use for nicely coaxing away a guy's uncertainties! =)

Needless to say, other so-called reassurances that guys find on other sites seem more backhanded and evasive than anything, and so their self-doubts just go on and on. In contrast, your words are not only straightforward and direct when addressing this issue, but they're also so sweet and kind. If a guy is not reassured by what you just said (in quotes above), then he won't be reassured by anything!!! Haha.

So while this problem will go on and on, knowing there are women out there like you (and the others here) makes things look not so bad at all. Similarly, I hope more women will someday realize that things like breast size play absolutely no part in how attractive those kinds of features are, in the eyes of many guys. We just really like you from top to bottom, is all. ;-)

Cheers!

Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it. More people find my blog by searching on the term "penis size" than anything else, which is ironic, because it's just one small post of many, most of which are geared to women! It tells me that this is an issue that many men are concerned about.

I think being sexy is an attitude, and it requires confidence. It requires a penis, but if you've got that, then I think you're all set, haha.

"You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it".

Susanawalsh, that first bit is not right.
Of course we care what women think of our penises, our bodies.
If it weren't for women like the one I'm with, I wouldn't give a damn what guys think.

Because women see a big guy and a big penis as exciting and as a staus symbol, AND because it is instinctive to seek out the bigger guy (bigger=stronger=better provider of food and shelter), because of these things we of course worry how we appear to women.

Well I got that from the research that says 63% of men started worrying by comparing their penises in childhood. Also, Name above says it's all about what you've got to show for yourself in the locker room.

I maintain that a woman with healthy self-esteem will not care one whit about penis size. If a woman needs a big penis as a status symbol, that is bizarre. For one thing, as we've discussed before, no woman should be discussing any penis other than her partner's. If that is private information, how could she possibly derive status from it? Unless she has a warped sense of self-worth, and the big penis feels like an achievement she can be proud of. Again, that is very troubling.

Hi Bob. Can you find that study by the russian scientists for me mate?

OK Bob. Where are your references?.... Yeah, I thought so. B&* Sh&t
Women are far more complicated than that.

This is such a silly subject. I'm over 50. I've gone through the sexual revolution in one of the most sexually liberal areas of the US. I've been married and unmarried and slept around a bit. I'm a member of a gym and a sports club. I have never, NEVER, heard a man discuss the sexual aspects of a woman he has had sex with, and women I trust say they never talk about genital details of men with their girl friends. In my sexual encounters, with one exception, I have never had a woman comment on my penis. Sometimes I wish they would shower it with compliments, but it seems they are only interested in what it does, not in what it looks like. One said I was too large, but that was more a comment on her than it was on me. I'm within the average range. But so what? Even that one woman said she really enjoyed sex with me. Her vagina was a little tight, but there is a lot more to sex than vagina size or penis size. I've been with women with firm breasts and women with flabby ones, big ones and small ones. If I like the woman, the size and shape of her breasts don't matter. So I totally believe that women, if they like a man, don't much care about the size of his penis. Far, far more important for both parties, in my experience, is their attitude toward sex. If both are relaxed and want to make sex fun, then they will have a great time. If one of them has some psychological hangup to work out, chances are it won't be so good.

poppi3, hi, thanks for leaving a comment! This is such an articulate statement, I am really happy to hear a man lay it out this way. It IS silly, but this post is my most viewed post of all time. Hundreds of people read it every day~ you are fortunate to feel sexually confident, and you are 100% right about what women want.

This isn't a comment, really. More a thank you. Thanks for the quick acknowledgment of my comment. I've just stumbled upon your blog but like what I've read. Takes a lot of time and ambition to keep a blog like this running. My daughter (24) started one but life kept getting in the way. It is fun to read your point of view on things.

Let me add that I don't think I am an average male, even if average in one respect. I do love to watch football and played some when I was younger. I'm still a demon on the tennis court. But I am also the family cook and I do my share of the laundry and the cleaning of bathrooms. I find gatherings of all men pretty boring. One of my biggest mistakes was joining a fraternity in college. I don't like to talk sports, or cars, or business. If there are women present I usually end up talking to them: I find them less predictable and more interesting. What do (did) I do for a living? I write things.

Take care.

Wow, poppi3, you sound like SUCH a catch. I'm sure there are a significant number of single women reading your comment and wondering how to find you!

It's interesting, I'm getting more and more male readers, at least, those who comment. One thing about blogging is that less than 1% of readers comment, but we sort of get to feeling that those regulars make up our blogging community. Maybe men comment more than women. I know people over 25 comment way more than those under. For example, I know that I have lots of women readers aged 18-25, but they rarely jump into the conversation.

Having the male point of view is changing my blog, because it's changing the lens through which I'm looking at relationships. I figure that has to be a good thing, right?

I don't think this belongs in a thread on penis size, but if guys are worried about not measuring up, they might try cooking it up. As for being SUCH a catch, Susana, my first wife didn't so! But she did get me started cooking. In a typical 1950s sort of way, I complained that the dinners she was fixing were sort of boring. She rightly said that as she had a day job too why didn't I fix dinner. I got the point, got a cook book, and got cooking. And I found I loved it. It is a satisfying, and sometimes exciting form of art. As for household chores, we had kids we wanted to get more involved. We made up several short lists of chores and rotated them equally among adults and kids. No one got stuck doing all the dirty work. Everyone had to spend some time cleaning and some time cooking. Now I have two sons who are excellent cooks. When their wives sit down to a great dinner they probably aren't thinking about penis size.

Absolutely! During my marriage there have been times when I was working full time, and times when I was home with kids full time. During the former, my husband and I understood without even having to discuss it that we'd be sharing household duties. When I was at home, again, without even needing to talk about it, I moved into full-time housewife mode. I figured if he was the only financial provider, the least I could do was make sure his shirts were clean and pressed. My goal during those years was to make his weekends as free of unpleasant chores as possible. Now that I'm working a lot again, he has really gotten into cooking. He just said last night that grilling was the highlight of this past summer. And now he's really getting into soups for the cold weather. I doubt he would have rediscovered this love of cooking unless I had made room for it, but it's a nice by-product of my having less time. You're right, this is an example of why marriage, including sex, has very, very little to do with penis size.

I left out a word: "think." You can figure out where it belongs. Hard to find good editors these days.

Wow! This is good news...I fall into 5-5 1/2 inches category. This makes me feel much better. I thought that my size was why my ex-wife left me and my children a few years ago...she began using coke and left me for another man.... I don't know why, but I thought the real reason had something to do with my penis size. I'm also glad to hear about the oral sex thing... I made every woman I've been with orgasm with my tongue...that has never been an issue....woohoo! It's weird.... because as a guy I'm not so obsessed with beauty...yeah there has to be some attraction there...it's more what's inside the heart that counts...that's what I'm after...and in my opinion once you establish your relationship for what's in the heart...then you'll both have the best sex of your lives...
Is there any other guys that feel this way, or am I missing something here?

brian, thank you so much for leaving such an honest comment. Seriously, dude, you are so average, you're right there in the middle of the bell curve. The size of your penis should never be a factor in a woman's leaving you.

I'm so sorry your wife behaved that way, but if she was using coke, and left you and your children for someone else, the problem was her, not you. And certainly not something as simple as the size of your genitals. The fact that you don't understand why she left shows that she handled it incredibly poorly. That must have been very difficult for you and your kids.

Glad to see you're on the oral bandwagon, sounds like you're an enthusiast, haha. Love that! Honestly, you sound mature and caring and ready for something real with a woman. I agree completely that the sex is best when the heart and mind are really invested -

I don't think you're the only guy that feels this way, but I wish you could pass your wisdom to some of the younger guys...

my wife and i have been having this conversation for awhile since her affair. she had a one night stand with a guy with a big penis like 8 to 10 inches and she couldnt really put her hand around it. I am average size 5 to 5 1/2 inches and thin. she said she did enjoy it initially but he couldnt make her orgasm. when he was done she said she told him she did and left. she says that i am better in bed but in a perfect world would like the larger penis. she also says though that i satisfy her perfectly. reading your blog gives me hope on our relationship. the fact that earlier it was discuassed that men with larger penis have a steady stream of mates and short relationships is true for the man my wife hook up with. she says she doesn't ever think about it and it's all in my head. well I hope its true.

geary, you are focusing on the wrong thing. There is no way that your wife had an affair to get access to a bigger penis. She was unfaithful, and in the process encountered an enormous penis. I'm not surprised he didn't please her, by the way. Men with big penises are often lousy lovers - they don't have any other technique.

If she says she doesn't ever think about it, she doesn't. There is nothing about that experience that captured her imagination. But what gives you the confidence she will remain faithful in the future? That's what you really need to work out. Working through infidelity is hard, but couples do figure it out, either on their own or with the help of a counselor. I urge you to do the same, and to let go of the penis worry. No marriage ever ended over penis size.

Wow this has been pretty interesting.

I have had my fair share of anxieties over this issue as a guy who is a 'grower' and felt inadequate when I was younger. Now I am more relaxed in that I probably fall the lower end of average-which I think is good enough. Although strangely I am quite well built and tall-but slender featured. Similarly to the above poster I am a more creative and sensitive male - and so I realise my niche is focusing on my strengths. More sensitivity I believe can make a much better lover. Sensitivity is quite erotic.
Bob Smith had some interesting views and probably part truths relative to some groups as opposed to 'all' which he mistakenly believes.
I expect different women, as with many issues - feel differently on this topic through time. Just like one time you might want a sensual love making - another you might want a vigorous fuck. There is a huge spectrum in sex. The reality is some people are going to like one area more - just as some men are going to be built for that area more.
In my cynical mind I do expect that indeed some women out of sensitivity do not admit to themselves, or are even conscious of desiring a large penis. However I also believe that many do not - and prefer one that is average.
It has been mentioned before that very attractive women are more demanding in the size area. Perhaps they are less willing to make concessions based on their self-preception and high regard? I choose to avoid these women based on the fact that as a result of outstanding beauty they will very likely be more shallow as a result. Not necessarily their own fault but more the product of being fawned over from an early age by all men.
I prefer more individual beauty. No one is perfect and I think the subtle idiosyncrasies are part of what makes us unique and special - nauseating as it may sound. In general I do not desire large breasts on a woman - and more often prefer small pert breasts. I find them more elegant-just as in Roman times the artists and sculptors found the large phallus to be crude and vulgar. So I can totally imagine how some women do not desire large penises.
I think it really depends on what level we want to live our lives. Do we want a deeper connection? Or just big boobs or a big cock? Do you want to spend your life just with a big Cock? Or a big Boob?
I know what I want.

Hey Steve, thanks for leaving a comment! First off, let me say that I suspect Bob Smith has an 8 inch penis and went searching the web for validation about how extraordinary he is. He was not pleased by what I had to say because it threatens his sexual market value.

It really strikes me that you say you are a more creative and sensitive male. For the sake of conversation, let's say that makes you a beta male. I believe that men like yourself have the preferred characteristics for long-term partnership in modern society. Research shows that women are choosing these qualities over more traditional male qualities such as aggression and dominance. Those men have difficulty with strong women, and also have trouble working collaboratively with others. They are not well-positioned for the information economy we live in now.

I actually love what you have to say about individual beauty. Any woman would, no nausea here haha! It really does come down to what's important in life. Women who commented on this post treasure their men for a whole host of reasons, not including the size of his penis. I also think it's a maturity thing - a college girl or woman just starting out succumbs to cultural bias and feels wowed by the big penis. Most of them figure out pretty quickly that doesn't correlate with happiness or satisfaction in any respect.

In any case, you sound like you have the wisdom of experience and maturity. I give you props for making peace with your own body. There is no doubt in my mind that your "smaller than average" penis will be plenty for a woman who loves you.