i speak from experience: cohabitation before marriage proved to be a tragic mistake for me & i would recommend against it for anyone...i know i cannot turn the clock back but if i had it to do over again, i would have lived alone until marriage...

Was this article really NECESSARY for The Remnant? Has this suddenly become a "thing" in Catholic Tradition? Do you mean to tell me that there are Traditional Catholic young people that are "dating" for years and years and "co-habitating?"

If so, then this would be a terrible indication of the sorry state of Tradition and the children being raised in it. I personally do not know of any Traditionalists that would even consider co-habitating, so please tell me that the world in which Ms. Anna Priore is existing is a great distance of worldliness outside of what I see in my parishes.

WOW! I fear the world in which you live may be that of make-believe. Traditional Catholic young people are up against the same temptations as everyone else, and to pretend otherwise is to do a disservice to them and to the movement as a whole. We are not saints just because we attend the Latin Mass, and the trad movement has plenty of problems with its young people. But that aside, The Remnant is a Catholic newspaper that publishes on all sorts of topics. Sound arguments against cohabitation, drugs, premarital sex, etc., are vital components of every serious Catholic's repertoire of arguments against the world, the flesh and the devil. Plus, many trad-leaning folks read The Remnant even if they're not trads yet. So, yes, this article is NECESSARY for The Remnant, and I find your comment to be really perplexing.

I'm perplexed as well - can't really work out what birdie87 is actually saying.

I maintain that, unless both partners have an explicit intention of marrying, the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is essentially a sham marriage. It's a marriage without vows. Anyone can leave at any time and for any reason. It has no legal existence, it is a purely sentimental relationship, depending entirely on human emotion. The point of marriage is that it is a well-defined public and legal contract, and not an ill-defined private and sentimental "relationship". The thing about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships is that they are almost set up for heartbreak, because of the ambiguous nature of the relationship, neither party is certain of where they stand with the other, which creates infinite opportunity for worry and jealousy. The problem is that our legislators have so little respect for marriage, that a legal marriage is not that much more advantageous than cohabitation; in fact, it can be very disadvantageous, e.g. in the case of "gold-digging" divorcees.

Very uplifting column that gives hope. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding and thanks for your example. Cohabitation is an epidemic, and sadly it seems that few bishops have set strong guidelines for their dioceses for priests on how they should deal with couples who want to get married in the Catholic Church, but are living together. And it seems that few priests on their own require couples to live apart if they want the get married in the Catholic Church. I have told my nieces and nephews that I won't attend their weddings, whether it is a Catholic Church wedding or not, if they are cohabitating before marriage. So far I'm 0 for 4, and 3 had Catholic weddings, but do have some hope for the remaining 13. Describing cohabitation as a trap is spot on.

Easy come, easy go is the truth, Anna. As one old acquaintance said, shacking up is only practicing how to shack up again, not get married.

Congratulations on your engagement, prayers for you in your commitment to witness to the Faith, and glad to have you on board so we may all benefit from your engaging writing style and keen insight.

Kudos Remnant!

Like the Friday night note. Marriage isn't 50-50 split. It is 100-100 all in. I cohab'ed and the trial ended quickly after marriage vows.

This is a very thought-provoking essay, Miss Priore. You and your fiancé are to be commended for doing the right thing in the paganistic society we live in. I doubt that any of the couples who waited have regrets, while I've never heard or read anyone say that pre-marital sex actually helped their marriage. As for the financial issues, there's always same-sex roommates or living at home. For those who can't mind their own business and criticize your choice, maybe they deserve a little dose of old-fashioned evangelism. Believe me, they will never bother you again. It does take some courage but it's an excellent opportunity to please the Lord and, who knows, the seed you sow could land on fertile ground. God bless you in your marriage!

This article and question concerning young people today and their tests of character and strengths of conviction in their Faith is so gut-wrenchingly sad that I am at a loss for words. I can only hope that Our Lady of Fatima will intervene with the Chastisement and soon.

God Bless you Anna on your engagement!

Before I was married, just about every person I/he/we knew (besides our Catholic relatives), PRESUMED we'd be shacking up. I moved from CA to NJ to be near him and he got me an apartment (since he was paying for it, it was in both our names). So, you can imagine all the people who talked to us like we were living together. NO!! We got weird looks like, "What's wrong with you and what planet are you from?" I was getting very annoyed and disgusted with it all -- there was no hanky-panky at all before we got married.

I like this article, and would just add one thing. Often overlooked in discussions of chastity prior to marriage is the issue of contraception and abortion in cohabitating couples. Stand outside any planned parenthood or other abortuary long enough, and one will be shocked at the number of rearview mirror rosaries and Our Lady car decals one sees driving in for an appointment.

AMEN! I have done as you said, and have seen as you have, JB.
That, plus the pervasive small families in the pews of contracepting parents.
And, finally, the very short or non-existent lines for Confession in juxtaposition to the virtually universal troop up the aisle to grab a church cracker at Mass. Maybe the Pope and his Gallen henchmen are just formalizing the abolition of sin that has infested the hearts in much of what was once the Catholic Church.

Just like in this article - everybody else is doing it.

Peter.
That's right. She should be wearing a burka, but with Knights of Columbus colors.

sad..

Then there is the whole damage of the contraceptive relationship that occurs within cohabitation. Use of contraceptives, a grave sin, engenders selfishness and lack of self giving, not to mention the abortifacient components of the pill, for example, which kill the newly conceived child, where conception has taken place.

The selfish nature of contraceptive cohabitation can do huge damage to people and relationships on a lot of levels, not to mention the grave loss of life that can result.

Further the longer a non-committal selfish contraceptive cohabitation endures, the greater the opportunity cost. The opportunity to have had those children you could have had and now struggle to conceive in your 30s and the opportunity to have been building a beautiful family project with your spouse. Further, the non-committal relationship sometimes only selfishly endures because of contraception, as one party may have no interest in marriage and children with the other: such damaging relationships are a complete waste of time. Contraceptive cohabitation is deeply damaging and often represents time and lives lost. Apart from fornication and contraception being mortal sins. Just how long can you continue in mortal sin? Do you know when your number is going to be up and your Master will come calling?

The flesh is not bad, only the abuse of the flesh, the sins of the flesh. When my parents were married in 1923 the vows included "with my body I thee worship, and I plight unto thee my troth". I think you are mixed up there. Remember, the Albigensian Heresy claimed spirit was good and the flesh bad? Matrimony is a holy Sacrament.

If sex is not good (when it is used in a holy fashion within a valid marriage - even a non sacramental one, which mine was for 37 years before my husband was baptised three weeks before his death) then why did God say "increase and multiply" (Genesis 1: 28)? Of course sex is good; it is given by God and is part of our human nature. But to make an offering of it to God through Consecrated Celibacy or a Vow of Chastity is even better. If one were to make an offering to God of something bad, what would be the point of that?

If you are not an Albigensian heretic then maybe you are a Jansenist. Or perhaps you are just muddled.

Your last paragraph is not an argument, it is talking about some people who abuse sex. As Adam and Eve "were both naked...and were not ashamed" (Gen 3:25), it is obvious that shame and problems entered in with (the) Original Sin. And, as we are affected by Original Sin, even after Baptism, we can have difficulty getting this right. Perhaps we would do well to look at the lives of, for example, Saints Louis and Zelie Martin.

I think a lot of us are 'just muddled', Anne. I've probably toyed with all sorts of 'heresies' over the decades without even knowing it. It comes with the NO territory and is fed by NO priests and environment . One reason I've now severed myself from it and am trying to re-establish my 'Catholicity', so to speak.

None of what you say is true. The Pope doesn't endorse any of those positions. Instead he is dealing with them.

May God bless you.

He is dealing with nothing except he effective destruction of the moral law, and consequently the Sacramental teaching of the Church. His only dealings are with the nether regions - and take that as a metaphor for this world as well as the next.

His record in Argentina was one of tolerance of moral laxity, among his clergy, and we now see why: for him, it's all about bonding with those groups he sees as "on the margins" - those who smell like sheep.

Sheep stink. If you smell like them, buy some soap. Similarly, if you are not in a state of grace, get to Confession.

Canon XI of the Decree on the Most Holy Sacrament of the 13th Session of the Council in fact anathematises and excommunicates Bergoglio and all who hold his position on the divorced and civilly remarried - a position which is already being used to justify cohabitation and homosexual perversity:

"If any one saith, that faith alone is a sufficient preparation for receiving the sacrament of the most holy Eucharist; let him be anathema. And for fear lest so great a sacrament may be received unworthily, and so unto death and condemnation, this holy Synod ordains and declares, that sacramental confession, when a confessor may be had, is of necessity to be made beforehand, by those whose conscience is burdened with mortal sin, how contrite even soever they may think themselves. But if any one shall presume to teach, preach, or obstinately to assert, or even in public disputation to defend the contrary, he shall be thereupon excommunicated."

Could you possibly outline how he is dealing with this?

You're very charitable.

"Many people encourage young couples to 'test drive' their marriage before it even begins by living together. This doesn’t work..." Of course, it doesn't, for the obvious and basic reason that the wrong things are being tested.
Even a courtship of moderate length enables a man or a woman of sense to determine (with a high degree of certitude, if not with absolute certainty) whether the projected spouse is sufficiently sane, sober, diligent, responsible, frugal, hard-working, considerate, neat, a good housekeeper, handy around the house, etc. etc. Sexual compatibility hardly needs road-testing, because a normal man and a normal woman who love each other are highly unlikely to have any issues here.
What really does need to be "test driven" is the ability of the projected spouses to exercise self-control and defer gratification. If a man indicates that he cannot put off sex for a few months or a year until he is married, the woman would be well-advised to believe that he will also lack the self-control to be faithful after he is married. Of course, substitute "woman" for "man" and "she" for "he" in that last sentence, and it remains equally true.
The entire "test drive" idea is, even at the purely natural level, nothing more than a flimsy excuse for fornication and non-commitment.

"Shacking up"...for money? So that's what our souls, hearts, minds, bodies and innocent children are worth these days? Rent and utilities? How are people supposed to figure out if they are marriage material and compatible when hormones are saturating them, they are committing active scandal and in near occasion of sin (which means they are probably spiritually dead and thus intellectually blinded), and doing the easy, emo, selfish thing?

Authentic love begins with knowledge of God, self and the other. How is murdering the person's soul you are supposedly "in love with" helping you to figure out if you are "compatible"? What in the world does sex have to do with the foundation aspects of friendship? What can you learn from living with someone that you can't learn from visiting them with friends? Other than their gross habits of course...but decent siblings, friends and parents might give you a heads up on that beforehand:+)

We live in a truly stupid culture. Ironic, since it's supposedly the most "educated" time in our world history when it comes to education. All the useless knowledge in the world doesn't make up for the fact that most of our world is dumber than hair when it comes to wisdom and objective common sense and morality. Although it's no surprise since the people given the task of teaching and upholding these truths (priests, bishops, cardinals, popes, and parents) have failed in an epic way.

Time to lead the moral morons out of the swamp:+) God bless~

Re the Sicilian blessing:. Is that a blessing for the newlyweds or does the priest bless the actual bed?

In my Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church, after Theophany (Jan. 6th), the priest visits parishioners and blesses their homes.

That's fantastic. I wonder if that's due to Byzantine influence, because Sicily was actually under Byzantine control in the 6th century.

I still live at home with my mom.

And she's probably grateful for your companionship. Good for you, Margaret.

I thank God for my mom too.

When I on retreat several years ago, the priest told us that young ladies should live with their parents until they got married.

Earlier this year, I was very sick. If Mom didn't take care of me, I would have been out of work a lot longer.

I've always said that if my Mom was in charge of the US Treasury, there'd be no such thing as a federal deficit. She's very thrifty and wise.

Bless her dear heart, and yours, too. I think that good priest was either ahead of his time, or properly contrary to his time, how ever ones wishes to look at it. :)

The quoted section at the front of your comments was among several of the real life experiences of young people today that exert pressure for them to disregard Catholic moral teaching. Prideful sanctimony can prevent a good lady from recognizing that the variety of pressures, inducements, and temptations are overwhelming to a large majority of young people today, and would also impair that lady's credibility as a witness to His Truth on the matter. The article's author obviously has the moral turpitude to take the correct side in the matter, so quibbling with her accurate description of the world in which people live and the challenges that can represent reflects poorly on you rather than on her or her writing.

Perhaps you think the individuals in the times you bring to mind were better than the ones of today. They were not. Were you to take those individuals and drop them into the Gomorrah of our times, most would sin with the same profligacy as do most of our contemporaries. Most people were ashamed of scandal in earlier times - these days NOT sinning is viewed as scandalous by most. The author recognizes this, and draws it out with some descriptions and some solutions. People who think that their stuff doesn't stink are likely to miss recognizing those values in this article. It is easier and sometimes more self-affirming to point the finger at all the bad people than it is to thoughtfully produce some relevant and constructive solutions.

Hear! Hear! My wife and I met in college in 1974 and married in 1977. During the time we courted, we never did anything we could not have told her mother or mine without embarrassment, despite the fact that the stigma that still clung to fornication a decade earlier had almost completely dissolved by the mid-1970s. (Who knew that two millennia of Christian moral teaching could be so thoroughly demolished in a single decade of "Spirit of Vatican II" pseudo-theology?) Looking back on our decision not to let ourselves be swept away by the tide of societal de-moralization, we are more than ever convinced that we made the right--really, the only morally licit--decision not to engage in marital intimacy until we were . . . you know, actually married before God and his Church. That sacramental marriage has given us the supernatural grace we needed to overcome the many rough patches that life's vicissitudes put in the way of a couple under the best of circumstances.

Carlos, from the timeframe that you mention, I think that I am just a few years older than you, and I want to say that I frequently regret that, in my younger years, I did not possess, let alone live, the moral values that you indicate you and your wife held fast to in your younger years--years that were particularly destructive to young people with shaky moral grounding.
Living according to such principals as those by which you and your wife lived and refused to compromise, would have saved the young ladies with which I had been acquainted, and I as well, many sins, sorrows, and regrets. Anyone who believes that everything is ok so long as both parties consent to whatever that thing is, simply isn't looking deeply enough into the matter. It isn't hard to trace the path of the destruction of a society back to the destruction of the traditional family, then further back to the destruction of individual morals and ethics. But the very first step in it all is the weakening, then the destruction, of religious belief and practice.
Anyway, Carlos, I just want to salute the moral strength that you and your wife exhibited by stubbornly refusing to conform to the fashionable "nonconformity" of that era.
The joke is now on the immoral counter-culturists now, isn't it, because the real nonconformists and original thinkers are those who hold fast to the traditions that we were taught, no?

We really need to fight for the return of the Traditional Mass. Life was very different and it was because of the holiness of the Church and it is important to live those teachings. The Mass and the teachings kept God right in your sights and you never wanted to offend Him...It is so much different today. The service, I cannot call it a Mass, it is so protestantized., taking a Host in your hand and allowing the soft flakes to fall on the floor, to be vacuumed up as though it was dirt and not the body and blood of Our Christ! To receive Him not on our knees, and ,most people do not see the importance of receiving Him on their tongue. Our hands are not consecrated nor is the persons hands who are handling Him and most receive Him in the hand and not the mouth. I do not mean to sound holier than Thou as I certainly am NOT! However I am so offended when I see this and unfortunately there is not a Traditional Mass within 31/2 hours from where I live. I am unable to make that trip. I commit a sin every time I go to a Vat 11 service as all I see are what is wrong with it and not how uncatholic it is! I truly believe we will not receive Gods blessings until we return to the Mass as it had been for thousands of years.

"I commit a sin every time I go to a Vat 11 service as all I see are what is wrong with it and not how uncatholic it is!" People like us have a straight choice - NO or home. I became a home-aloner but 'attend' FSSP live Mass daily. I have come home, albeit 'virtually', but I can't trample over Christ in a church now and join in non-Catholic services etc. As I had previously written to my stand-in parish priest and Bishop: "Very soon it may be a case of which is the greater sin? Attending the NO Mass or not attending Mass at all." I sincerely believe God brought me out of the NO. If I'm wrong, however, I trust Him to forgive my confusion. My prayers are with you.

Thank you very much for your kind words, DMill.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that adhering to the moral principles God has handed down to us, first through his prophets, and then through the Church, Christ's own bride, is not only the right thing to do, but, speaking pragmatically, also the smart thing to do.