don't worry about disclosing yourself and being judged -- everybody has angry and selfish thoughts

Thanks for that comment, Pico: I think you're right! That's why a bit of self-disclosure along these lines can be endearing. People think: "Oh good, I'm not alone in feeling that way/thinking that way." I do think there's a limit, though. If you're feeling anger towards a particular person... often best not to express it directly to the person. If you have a selfish thought but you do the "nice" thing anyhow, often best to just be nice on the surface and not express that you'd rather be elsewhere... or whatever. But, on the whole, great advice!

If you are feeling anger towards me, please express it! In general if you express anger you can resolve/heal it, but if you don't express it it festers.

You know... I tend towards your way of thinking a lot more than many others. There are a few people I would *love* to confront, just to say: "Hey, I am really upset with how you've acted through the years." But I am always told not to do it, and, so far, I have listened. And the anger does fester! Maybe I'll make a move and write about it: might be extremely fun.

told by whom?

Family members. They feel super-strongly about it.

I'm sure they do! I wonder though if this strategy is working for them. Does keeping anger a secret help them repair the relationships or deal with whatever is making them angry?

I think they're pretty conflict averse: facing people directly with these issues would be too stressful for them. Also... for whatever reason, it seems like the people in question pick on me more harshly than they do with other family members. So my anger and distaste are stronger than most other people's.

but it is interesting that they are not averse to telling you what to do, right?

Right: our tight little group is very open with each other. Those outside our immediate circle are seen as outside forces to be handled with care. The problem is that my saying something would make other people feel very uncomfortable, unfortunately. I'm not concerned about the people I'd confront: I'm thinking about others involved, who want everything to be nice on the surface. When I see the people who aren't nice to me, I'm supposed to just take it in my stride and not make a big deal. People do understand, and try to help me avoid certain people as much as possible. It's honestly not that big of a deal since I don't see the problem people all that often. But I would prefer to be honest, of course!

discomfort's not the worst thing in the world, is it? It can lead to growth. Also you don't know how bad the discomfort will be until you try the experiment of honesty. Also you're uncomfortable already cause you want to be honest and your family is stopping you.

Interesting point! Honesty and openness also have the benefit of being an adventure and an experiment: potentially fascinating and even exciting. We shall see what happens....

I would love to talk/discuss/share/blether/just generally chew the fat with you.....love how and what you write. And this:

". I asked myself why. I’m always sharing my thoughts and feelings, both in writing and in conversation, with anyone who will listen. Why should I be upset if someone has a clear path to it all, with no effort on my part?"

I would hazard a guess( at least, this is how it would make me feel, so I may be way off base) that it's to do with being in control: my choice to say what I wish, as against someone reading my mind without my permission....yikes, no, no. Mind rape( apologies for the comparison - being a rape victim/survivor - the definition changes, depending on my frame of mind) I know it's a problematic word in any context, and have no desire to trigger any upset in anyone)

Alex