About turkeys and Thanksgiving/ Christmas, a cartoon I saw some years ago summed it up nicely (and not just about turkeys): two turkeys are talking and a calendar on the wall behind shows the date 23rd December. One of the turkeys is saying to the other, "Well, it's been a tough year but, I have a feeling my luck is about to change."

"that dead stretch of winter starting on New Year’s Day"

Poor Georgian! Winter here in Vermont goes from October to May. You have no clue what Seasonal Affective Disorder is really like.

In northern Minnesota, where I once worked, it's said there are two seasons: winter and 4th of July.

Goad and I think so nearly alike, that I sometimes wonder if he hasn't stolen my thoughts. Great article, Jim!

In their newest offerings, both Gavin McInnes and Jim Goad use the word "tryptophan."

" I think the invading blue-eyed pale-skinned hordes made far better use
of the American continent than the pre-Columbian indigenous yam-diggers
were ever able to manage"

eminent domain is not conservative

The Indians did not own the land, and they invariably had displaced someone else on the hunting grounds. Squanto's tribe had mostly been wiped out by other red men. That's why Squanto was so happy to see the English. He had lived in London, and they were the only 'tribe' he had left.

I'm thankful for this article... yea i found something to be thankful for

no one seems to care about the poor doomed turkeys themselves, who truly get the shit end of the Thanksgiving stick.

Well it's only fair. I get the "shit end" of turkeys on my driveway the rest of the year.

Bravo!

I think it is marvellous that the Americans have a special day when they give thanks for the arrival of the British.

Goad you need to get laid dude

I don't think Kanye and Kim are successful just because they are paid a lot of money to be ridiculous. In fact, to me they seem the opposite of successful. They do nothing.

What a great read; thanks! Perfect. The Cryptoquote a couple of days ago was something like, 'you can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.' Thanks for a seriously witty essay.

Do you do the Cryptoquote or just look at the answers the next day? I solved the above one that you quote. It's by Sacha Guitry.

Nicely written but I have to make one suggestion. Your use of the phrase "the whole schmear" in the context it was used would, in my opinion, be better served by the phrase "the whole megillah".

That is all. Carry on.

Noah's Bagels offers a selection of flavored spreads that, in faux Yiddish, it calls "schmears."

One time I was looking at their website, and noticed a link for customer suggestions.

I suggested an idea for a new schmear: a mixture of Limburger cheese and anchovy flavors.

My idea for a name? "Pap Schmear."

I never heard back from them.

Is that anything like a Yitzhak Shamir?
Just askin.

Bloody hell.

And you never will ... 'tis a shame. HAHAHAHAHA

Damn Jim, with all of this talk of turkey abuse you are going to give those stinking liberals another cause to latch onto. We'll all be eating tofu turkeys by next year.

Loved this column!

Mr. Goad, you are a dick-swinging White Man. The best to you and yours, sir.

There are some real keepers in that column, "pay homage to a world that allows Kim and Kanye to be successful", I love it. And the kicker is "grudgingly thankful and inwardly resentful". Great stuff!

I have no sympathy for ya Jim.

Fact is I have in laws that think Christmas and Thanksgiving suppers are actually opportunities for them to open up and spew forth their idiotic liberal political opinions on all the social issues of the day. (Nobody else is supposed to talk because they are liberal intellectuals and to question or refute their opinions is the height of rudeness).

They instilled the same behaviour in my poor daughter. She used Christmas as the time for her and her ugly lesbian girlfriend to 'come out'. I was trying to ignore the noise of that holiday dinner but when that happened I just dropped the fork on the plate, got up and left. I went home, and gave thanks for the left over chili in the fridge. I even heated some up for the dogs and ya know what? They were better company than my bloviating in-laws were. Even when they had the Hershey Squirts the next day - their company was far superior to that of my "family".

That was five years ago. If you had half a brain, Jimmy, you would take the time to stuff your political opinions, shut the hell up and just try to have the kind of Thanksgiving that Norman Rockwell would paint.

No sympathy for Jim, but if that is indeed true, deepest sympathy for Glenfilthie. There are other things, but this would be definite cause for me 'going postal'.

Squanto Squanto Squanto. Yes it's fun to say. Pore Squanto got Squadoosh! Like Goad, I blame The Joos. For anything that The Blacks didn't get blamed for.
A culture that elevates Kanye and Kardashian to vast celebrity and riches is a doomed culture. A culture devoid of authenticity, deceiving itself unto death. It wants to be what it's not, and it hates and resents anybody who actually is. The feminist approach to life.
Praise Yahweh God for his blessings upon this nation! It's not his fault that we squantoed them.
Cheers.

Given recent archaeological evidence, Clovis culture thrived across the continent long before the so called first nations folks were here. The Clovis were from...Europe! So the Pilgrims were just coming back to claim what was theirs to begin with.

The Clovis people were Europeans? Huh?

The Clovis points were more similar to European Solutrean tech than to anything in Siberia.

This is the theory

http://youtu.be/d6gWL7sxU_I

"Across the Ice" by Dennis J. Stanford and Bruce A. Bradley. Proving once again that not everything is known and more research will alter the current 'accepted' history.

Jim Goad is a national treasure...
Happy Thanksgiving JG

As a matter of interest, the first Thanksgiving was nearly 400 years ago (1621), not 500.

Seems like yesterday.

For a warlock, it is. ;)

Ah, so you were there too, huh? I kinda figured....

On my farm in the Andean foothills, I came to appreciate the actions of the Pilgrims as I was besieged by guerrilla warfare of all sorts to include animal torture and home invasion robbery. Genocide crossed my mind before I packed it in. Such was the end of my farm and the end of all notions of Progressivism. I'm thankful to finally see the light and to otherwise be psychologically prepared for complete Armageddon or complete totalitarianism. Bring it on.

Try the other side of the continent. There's something about Amerindian genetics that doesn't mix real well with Africans. Southern Brazil and Uruguay don't have a significant Amerind component -- some, yes, but it's visible and you can avoid it.

I was looking at the satellite map of the seaside fishing town in Parana where I used to go "to the beach". Such a nice town, such friendly people, such an adventure. In the years after I left, it became a major seaside residential area, not quite a resort town, but a lot of building of houses and condos, like more restrained Bethany Beach. Then came the rise in sea-level in the South Atlantic. Wiped out a beach that was 200 yards from beach road to the surf. Waves now pound on the rocks 30 feet from where I used to sit in the evening sun and sip rabo de galo. Condos are being abandoned, and beautiful seaside houses sit empty, doors banging in the wind.

Then I assume he will contract defense of his manse to the Village People.

There are an awful lot of falsehoods alive today about the Puritans and Pilgrims. As a whole, Puritans and Pilgrims were not like the totally dour, sex-hating, violent stereotype. Read David Hackett Fischer's Albion's Seed for a good intro to early New England life and customs. Early New Englanders tended to have strict beliefs and practices, but that in itself isn't bad. They also placed a remarkable amount of value on the individual person for the time. That was kept within certain boundaries, but the Puritans recognized that boundaries were vital to a healthy community. If only we valued that understanding today!

Did the Puritans go to excess sometimes? Yes, but so did Catholics, Anglicans and other people of the time. And some Puritans were horrified and guilt-stricken at the outbreak of witch-trials in Salem. They lived in a time which was very different from today, and one must look closely at the historical context before judging people of the past.

Jim Goad, to his credit, recognizes today's anti-Pilgrim bigotry for what it is.

The chimpout is nigh. I'm thankful America will see the left in action. There's something sobering about watching truth.

2125 hrs est - let the chimp out begin.

"Hundreds of years later, for heaven knows what reason, a disturbing quotient of the Pilgrims’ descendants feel apologetic—rather than thankful—about winning those fundamental American turf wars. I mean, it’s not as if they’re going to invite these so-called “Native American” families into their houses for Thanksgiving, but it’s the thought that counts. They keep America’s indigenous people close to their hearts, and that’s what truly matters."

The parallels between postmodern liberalism and the Puritan religion are striking. In both, attitude is everything, and right actions are at best an afterthought.

For example, take the case of Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the Mother Teresa of the first half of the twentieth century. Dr. Schweitzer spent most of his life as a missionary and medical doctor in west Africa doing for those who could never possibly have done anything for him in return. Schweitzer probably did more to alleviate black suffering than any human being who ever lived. Yet his name has gone down the liberal memory hole.

The reason is that Dr. Schweitzer was strongly against the European powers granting independence to their colonies in Africa. Schweitzer felt that Africans lacked both the intelligence and the emotional maturity to rule themselves.

So, that pathetic liberal yuppie excuse of a male (I refuse to call them men) that Goad so eloquently described, who holds the right attitudes on race, but who has never done a thing for blacks other than avoid them, is placed higher on the PC totem pole than the man who gave his life to helping blacks.

This is the insanity of liberalism.

Did all those hours of playing Bach educate the locals ?

Considering what has occurred in west Africa after Schweitzer's death, my guess is the locals are ineducable.

The eminent historian John Keegan, who was about as judicious as you can get, wrote that the Indians who opposed any white settlers on the North American continent were being very selfish. There were vast amounts of unused land in eastern North America when the English and other colonists arrived--lots of room for colonists and aborigines. Whites were not the only ones to blame for conflicts which arose with the Indians.

Also, as someone else here noted, Indian tribes were fighting each other continually for centuries before whites arrived. And there is clear archaeological evidence of genocide committed by Indians against one another, long before any Europeans could have had any influence on the situation.

Certainly happened between tribes, sorry I meant "nations' in Huronia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wik...

And cannibalism. Noble savages, indeed.

Jim wrote : "perhaps even a jar of store-bought gravy—the whole schmear."

If you dont know how to make gravy from the drippings of the cooked bird you are missing the best part.

I have never eaten a canned, or store bought gravy that didnt do more damage than good... conversely a home made gravy takes so little time and makes the bird 100X more enjoyable to eat.

Get serious about your bird !! Your guests deserve as much.