#2) "When you walk in love, you give up your right to be right."

Sean, Men aren't usually wrong. I hope Catherine will read this post I wrote about your point #2! It isn't good for a marriage in the long run. Blessings! http://lorialexander.blogsp...

Sean never said that he was wrong "ALL THE TIME." ALL THE TIME and USUALLY are two different and distinct concepts. Sean also never said HOW he came to the conclusion that he is usually wrong. We don't know if this is an idea that Catherine shared with him or if it's something that the Lord may have impressed upon him. We don't know HOW he arrived at that conclusion because he didn't tell us.

Lori said: "I think Sean will tire of it soon, as Ken did."
Sean and Ken are not carbon copies. They are two distinct individuals, and based on some of the very controversial things Ken writes, that's a good thing for Sean and Catherine.

http://spiritualsoundingboa...

There is no one size fits all. All men are not the same. Likewise, all women are not the same. Sean is not Ken, and Catherine is not you.

Lori said: "When a wife is always usurping a husband's leadership by fighting with him, acting like she is always right, manipulating and trying to control him, he is not going to be too concerned about her, but probably mostly frustrated and angry with her."

The relationship between Christ (husband) and the church (bride) is an analogy for the relationship between husband and wife. A husband is suppose to love his wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. When the church (an imperfect organization filled with imperfect people) attempts to usurp God's authority, fight against God, act like we know better than God or act in ways that are manipulative and controlling, Christ loves his church anyway. Christ doesn't respond to the church with apathy, anger or frustration. Christ always responds in love, and that's how a husband is suppose to respond to his wife.

Should a wife usurp her husband's authority, fight against him, act like she is always right, be manipulative or controlling? Absolutely Not! There's no justification for that.

Lori said: "Therefore,
women, let your husband be right. If you think he is wrong, share your
opinions and thoughts with him and then let it go. Allow him to make the
decisions and have his way."

Again, Christ's relationship with the church is model for the relationship between husband and wife. Christ didn't "have his way." Wifely submission is biblical. However, the church should also be teaching husbands to seek the Father's will rather than their own way because that's also biblical. After all, that's exactly what Christ did. John 6:38, Luke 22:42

Just imagine if Abigail had "let it go" allowed Nabal to "have his way." David probably would have killed Nabal and all the men in his house. The let a husband "have his way" mentality isn't biblical, and it's not always effective. Abigail's ordeal illustrates that.

K.

"Usually wrong" is the way Sean and many a husband feel, especially in their early years of marriage. It took me some 7 years to discover that although I had lots to learn about being a loving Christian husband, much of the treadmill I had been put on was a false worldly message that I had to try and chase down my wife’s many desires and needs, and meet her changing “feelings” in order to be the husband that God was calling me to be. Yet this was far from God’s ideals for a Christian marriage.

The Bible is very clear that a husband is to be the “head” of the marriage and the wife his loving submissive partner. When this model, given by God, is violated over and over again in Christian marriages, as it was in mine, it is time to go back to God’s Word and try and get things right.

You speak only part of the truth in writing: “The relationship between Christ (husband) and the church (bride) is an analogy for the relationship between husband and wife. A husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.”

You have left out the important first part of the equation: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).

And have also left out the second half of the purpose: “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless” (Eph. 5:26-27).

There is no husband that can do what God is asking of him to both lead his wife and help her grow up into Christ (sanctify her) if he is always playing from the follower position, or if he is trying to chase down her feelings and meet them. Husbands are to live with their wife in an understanding way (I Peter 3:7), but he must learn to do so in a manner that does not make him into a submissive usband,
but instead her leader.

My experience is that it took me some 6-7 years to realize that although I felt “usually wrong” the problem did not lie with me, but was a root problem that exists in many Christian marriages. I then spent the next 13 years continuing to love my wife fully, but also helping her to grow up into Christ and as a godly wife by showing her the demands of the Bible on her life. I sanctified her and she now has a successful ministry to other Christian wives where she can show them from the Bible how to have a fabulous marriage God’s ways as a submissive, godly wife who “wins her husband without a word” (I Peter 3:1).

We as husbands are taught to try to chase down our wife’s desires and make her happy when that is not what the Bible teaches. Loving a wife means helping her to see that her feelings and desires should not rule her, nor should they be a point of regularly conflict in the marriage. God has appointed the Christian husband, flaws and all, to be the leader, so he must lead, and his wife must learn to follow. In this model he will stop feeling “usually wrong” and instead both parties will work towards fulfilling the Bible ideal of a Oneflesh marriage where the husband is the head and his wife a joyful and willing follower. It is only in this model that the husband can emulate Christ which is exactly what you are
advocating, where husband can indeed love his wife “as Christ loves the church,” with sacrificial love.

To advocate a husband’s sacrificial love without also giving him the position to which God calls him to as head would be to say that Christ is impotent to correct or to grow up His church. Nothing could be further from the truth, and this is a lie from Satan, intended to lead many astray, that Christ only loves, he never demands standards or disciplines his church.

There is no leadership or headship without the ability to lead forward, yes in love, but still in true leadership. Any Christian husband who finds he is always leading from behind needs to ask himself “why?” and look to the scriptures as to how he can both love his wife sacrificially and lead her to help the marriage grow up
where he is no longer usually wrong, or waiting for another shoe to drop because he somehow, once again, did not meet his wife’s perceived “needs.” A Christian husband must love his wife “as Christ loves His Church” and Christ is not feeling “usually wrong.”

For more on this see this post:
http://lorialexander.blogsp...

Bootsy said: "A Christian husband must love his wife “as Christ loves His Church” and Christ is not feeling “usually wrong.”

The relationship between Christ and Church is a great model for the relationship between husband and wife. However, that analogy does have it's boundaries. Christ is innocent, perfect and sinless. Therefore, Christ has no justification to feel "wrong," but the same doesn't hold true for man. There's a whole list of husbands and male leaders in the Bible who were usually wrong: Jeroboam, Nadab, Baasha, Zimri, Omri, Ahab, Ahaziah, Zechariah, Menahem, Pekahiah, Pekah, Ahaz, Manasseh, Amon, Jehoiakim, Zedekiah, Haman and Nabal.

Holding a God-given position of authority does not mean that men are somehow immune or exempt from being "usually wrong." Likewise, there are also certain women listed in the Bible who were usually wrong: Athaliah, Jezebel, Solomon's strange wives, Potiphar's wife and Herodias.

Then, there are righteous men and women listed throughout the Bible.

Please read my original comment more carefully. While I didn't quote Ephesians chapter 5 in it's entirety for brevity sake, I certainly did not omit the concept of wifely submission. I acknowledged that "wifely submission is Biblical" so I didn't leave that concept out. However, I purposely drew attention to the husband's duty to love because that's the part that Lori left out. Lori wrote about a husband being the leader of the home, making the decisions and having HIS way. She wrote about a husband wanting peace and understanding why and how a husband could respond to his allegedly manipulative, unsubmissive and controlling wife with apathy, frustration and anger. However, she totally left out the part about a husband's duty to love.

I didn't see the "second half of the purpose" in Lori's post either. However, that's the great thing about the Bible. While a given person may not touch on all the aspects of marriage and the roles involved, the Bible is very thorough, and it describes a husband's duty AND a wife's duty. It doesn't just focus on one spouse's role, but it details BOTH.

Bootsy said: "There is no husband that can do what God is asking of him to both lead his wife and help her grow up into Christ (sanctify her) if he is always playing from the follower position"

You define the word sanctify as "grow up in Christ." The word sanctify means to make holy, and it's the same word used in 1 Cor 7:14: "For the unbelieving husband is SANCTIFIED through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy."

Therefore, a wife's purpose is also to sanctify her unbelieving husband or FAITHLESS CONVERTED husband. The Greek word (apistos 571) used for unbelieving in 1 Cor 7:14 can refer to either an unbeliever or FAITHLESS CONVERT.

http://biblehub.com/greek/5...
Therefore, sanctifying your spouse in marriage is a mutual responsibility, and not just something that a husband does for his wife.

Bootsy said: "... if he is trying to chase down her feelings and meet them."

"Remember that we cannot judge the moral value of any action by how we feel. Our feelings are unreliable and cannot be trusted to convey truth.” Joyce Meyer

As human beings (male or female), our feelings are unreliable and often cannot be trusted. A husband is not obligated to chase down his wife's feelings and meet them. The reverse is also true. A wife is not obligated to chase down her husband's feelings and meet them. The Bible doesn't say that we have to chase down and meet one another's feelings, and that's a tremendous blessing because chasing down and attempting to meet another person's feelings would be an impossible job and overwhelming burden.

Bootsy said: "Husbands are to live with their wife in an understanding way (I Peter 3:7)"

The Bible also describes for us how a man of understanding behaves:
A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.

Pr 1:5
Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Pr 11:12
A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. Pr 14:29
Foolishness brings joy to one without sense, but a man with understanding walks a straight path. Pr 15:21
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Pr 17:27
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; But a man of understanding will draw it out. Pr 20:5

In Lori's post that I originally responded to, she talks about how and why a husband might respond to his wife with apathy, frustration and anger. However, a husband is admonished to live with his wife in an understanding way, and Proverbs teaches that a man of understanding is even-tempered and patient. Therefore a man striving to live with his wife in an understanding way won't be so quick to deal with his wife with apathy, frustration or anger.

Bootsy said: "Loving a wife means helping her to see that her feelings and desires should not rule her, nor should they be a point of regularly conflict in the marriage."

The reverse is also true. Loving a husband can mean "helping [him] see that his feelings and desires should not rule [him], nor should they be a point of regular conflict in the marriage."

Bootsy said: "Nothing could be further from the truth, and this is a lie from Satan, intended to lead many astray, that Christ only loves, he never demands standards or disciplines his church."

Christ doesn't DEMAND anything from his church. That's not biblical. The Bible clearly and emphatically states that love ... does not DEMAND its own way (1 Cor 13:5). Christ was not DEMANDING, and a husband should not DEMAND anything from his wife. Likewise, a wife shouldn't DEMAND anything from her husband. Spouses should have responsible and healthy expectations for one another, but not DEMANDS.

K. Martin,

I wrote "I hope Catherine will read this post I wrote about your point #2!" since I write to women and I know how most women usually think they are always right. I've been mentoring women for 10 years so I have had experience with many, not all, but many women. For years, I read almost every single marriage book out there and whenever I read the husband's part, I would always think how far short Ken was as a husband in my mind. He wasn't loving me as "Christ loved the church" therefore, I was always discontent. In order to mentor women, I have found it is best to focus on their part in the marriage and help them to not have any expectations on their husbands since expectations destroy marriage. If you are a man, you mentor men to love their wives as Christ loves the church but I will focus on a wife's part since when we stand before God, we will only give an answer for our obedience to God's Word, not our husband's. I am commanded by God in Titus 2:3-5 as an older woman to teach younger women to love and obey their husbands so they won't blaspheme the Word of God. Therefore, this is what I do.

And besides, I don't have to tell Sean to love Catherine. He made it VERY clear how much he loves her!

The Bachelor No Longer 10 Things I've Learned... http://wp.me/p4NDVg-1qt via @Honordads

"Compromise is key."

I wouldn't know. Compromise involves BOTH parties making concessions. Surrender is more likely the word the author was looking for.

Like this post too. Keep it up. May you have a long lasting marriage and more blessings and grace of GOD.

Love your posting! Happy first anniversary! Just want to share this article.
Five simple ways to make your marriage stronger & healthier to remain happy and contented throughout your #marriage. http://ow.ly/GfwTY

Awe, sweet post! So happy for ya'll coming up on one year!!

Loved this post. If marrage is like this I may just take the leap!

Marriage is like this for the first 3-5 yrs. :(

Sean I really love this posting. It really shows you have learned some great things and the best is yet to come!!!.