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Jaemie • 4 years ago

I feel the same way! Im only 26 and have seen this first hand. The "community" is all about sex and looks. Dating dosent exist in today's world, it's all about hook ups, FWB, open and poly relationships. When I first came out in 2004, I hoped to find a real community that supported me, that I would find a true love and one day marry someone and start a family. That has been shown to be nothing but false. I have been on every dating site and all interactions have been nothing but sexual advancments, even on dating sites that are for DATING and not hook up apps like grinder, scruff, growler and tinder. I have hugly thought and gave a great deal of consideration to going back in the closet and start dating women. I dont feel accepted,I've been judged more by the gay community than I have by religious groups, family or just everyday people. I dont feel pride in the culture and im an outcast in an outcasted community. I do agree with this article, people can say bad things about people's view points on this and usually they are the people using the apps for hook ups or are in open and poly relationships or value looks over a person.

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

Everything you and the article writer said is totally true about heterosexuals as well, especially if your social life revolves around bars, parties where drugs are present, pick-up apps, etc. Yet, there are many of us who are gay who have a spiritual community, friends, sports leagues, business associations, etc. with our fellow gays or allies. I have been faithfully and happily married to a great guy I have loved for 15 years. Many of our friends are other married couples with kids. I hope you find a life outside the superficial places which have hurt you. Take care.

Rob Montano • 4 years ago

I have been out since the 70's and have no regrets,, no one single fucking one. I think the author of this article is just one big baby! Man up and get your shit together...it's often the same if you were hetero! Wise up!

Allen • 4 years ago

This article perfect sums up why I don't count myself as part of the gay "community". It is anything but. The "community" will only come together when a tradegy occurs and within days they are back to treating each other like trash. It is the reason I took forever to come out and the reason I regret doing so.

It is hard to want to be part of a group that is so petty, demands respect while treating each other like trash, and belittles anyone who wants to think differently.

Javon Cooper • 5 years ago

Good read. VERY GOOD... and I’m on the same path. It’s a freaking circus we can not get out of, and it sad. Cause now you automatically have to be WITH TWO MEN, in order to be loved. Aka sad. Cause honestly I’m not sharing my husband with anybody!!! UNLESS ITS A VERY DRUNK ONE NIGHT STAND. Buuuuuuttt other then that gay men. Or actually just MEN. In general. Are hard to tame into a real working healthy relationship. And nowadays it’s really gross, how even best friends can be in a committed relationship, and then all of a sudden swap dudes ether non -intentional. Or tentional. Which if it is. Then fine. But then question yourself, how much are you actually worth to a person? .... OVERALL. It’s all abt morals and loyalty which majority of the community does not have.

Javon Cooper • 5 years ago

I practice BEING ASEXUAL AND DIMISEXUAL. Google it ;) I think it’s very healthy it’s just sad. Nobody guy will be for us, UNLESS HE REALLY IS OBSSED AND HEAD OVER HEELS. Then without prejudice Please. ACCEPT IT. And learn to love without being materialistic.

CannonStrike89 • 5 years ago

me in a nutshell. I've been going through severe depression for many years. been played around too much by men that I find it quite upsetting how most ( not all ) gay men would treat each other this way. when I was a teenager yeah I done dumb stuff but now almost 30 ( 29 in August ) I'm honest with you hands down.besides they mostly want hook ups than an actual relationship but they'll tug your strings just to keep you around. Nah, I'm sorry man. I can't be like the others. so as of now actually. I don't associate with the gay community. I'm my own individual; with my own morals and values. Am I Gay? Yes. Am I being like most men today? Absolutely not!!!

Javon Cooper • 5 years ago

👌🏽

SailorAstarte • 6 years ago

Thank you. I feel the same way. I’ve gone the same path and lived openly as gay for most my life now and have rarely encountered any supposed brotherhood. At large, “the community” doesn’t exist past cliques which worship a certain form of the male body, and if you don’t fit that mold, you are tossed aside or just addressed less than those better than you. The majority of gay men I meet or see identify themselves by their favoured sexual position, and generally anyone not the penetrator is viewed as weak. Social media profiles are littered with photos of the preferred or “perfect” man, fulfilling society’s general view that gay men are all sex obsessed. Pride parades have become nothing more than demonstrations of bad behaviour, shock for shock value. I have found more persecution from within than from without. I’ve allowed myself to use and be used all in trying to be validated as a desirable gay male. I’ve given up everything I valued to fit in and still not fit in. I know that being straight wouldn’t mean every issue I have would go away, and that I’m responsible for being happy with who I am, but I don’t think I’d be so exhausted, trying to fit in with a “family” that can be more judgemental than anything outside of it.

drick • 6 years ago

First of all, you needed to write an article as a journalist to earn your paycheck, and so you did. How easy for you as a baby gay to snottily pick at things and share them with the mainstream before actually understanding any underlying meaning. You just cite the worst stereotypes your parents taught you and

So, if you will step outside of the gay bubble in some of the top 3 cities in America (I live in Dallas), we hold executive roles, live in upper class neighborhoods, have dogs, cats, and kids. Gays like us have empathy for our brothers and sisters trapped in crappy Northeastern cities with shallow, neurotic people.

Javon Cooper • 5 years ago

I love the fact that you put that out their, such as main stream cities. Which gives me a different purspective.

desertpatriot • 6 years ago

first of all....
remind us once again what business it is of yours that this young man chose to ditch his perverted lifestyle and lead a normal life. btw you sound like an old queen. just sayin'...

K • 5 years ago

Lololol preach. Another gay man hurt that someone lived that life and then made the CHOICE that he didn’t want to live it anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

JB • 6 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I agree with a lot of what you wrote.

Joe W • 6 years ago

When your that low, you find it. I am an example

Javon Cooper • 5 years ago

Of being happy ?

Oscar Torres • 6 years ago

You and only you is responsible for your actions! Your religious views are in conflict with who you are. Hence, your tendency to self-destruct. Psychological therapy can help you balance both issues. Lastly, stereotyping all gays into one basket is what ignorant heterosexuals do. Just because YOU didn't act responsibly doesn't mean that we all did! Stop beating yourself and accept who you are with faults and all and accept that all gay people come in different shapes, sizes, colors, beliefs, education and economic backgrounds just like heterosexual people do and act! Good luck to you!

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

"Pay away the gay" therapies totally failed. They even put it in writing that nobody should expect they can change their sexual orientation when you sign up with the quacks. They know it doesn't work. Never did. Never will. Sexual orientation is not a choice.

Shawn Huff • 6 years ago

You can't change who you are. You're born gay or straight. You can't wake up one day and be straight. It's just not possible. You can try all you want but it'll never happen. Instead of blaming everyone for what you see happening in the community, why not be the one to change things and make a difference. Make friends with different types of people and build on those friendships. Getting on Grindr, Jack'd or Tinder isn't the place to meet anyone of substance or quality. Not saying it's not possible, but probably not likely. Join a gay church or volunteer your time. Why does everyone think they MUST be in relationship if you're gay? Maybe you're not meant to be with anyone. Being gay is so much more than just our sexuality. Once you realize that, you'll see that everything in this article doesn't matter. It's all about how you see yourself, the world and others around you.

Bozhidar Yordanov • 5 years ago

Just came to say that no one is born gay, nor straight. Read and study more. Sexual preference is an end product of dynamic forces and experiences, which finally culminate in what you define as "orientation". And also our gender identity development / yes, a matter of afterbirth development / peaks at the age of 3. Our core identity is shaped by the age of 3. The psychoanalysis of homosexuals, cross-dressers, transgenders, transvestites, pedophiles and so on ALWAYS REVEAL early, gender identity disturbances and difficulties to separate from the mother. The most amazing fact is that homosexuality can indeed by changed. Like...really. Not repressing it, simply not feeling it, with heterosexual fantasies and attractions emerging as a consequence of resolving the early, usually oral, trauma ( weaning ) + psychic masochistic substructure, which is so dominant in orally regressed neurotics, which homosexuals happen to be. ( sorry, you are not that special after all, since you all share the basic nulear conflict of your infancy, which later pushes you to search the disappointing breast hidden behind the penis of another man ) Edmund Bergler, Melanie Klein, Charles Socarides, Harry Gershman, Gerard van den Aardweg, Anna Freud, Joseph Nicolosi, Jeffrey Satinover, Wilhelm Stekel, Lawrance Hatterer and many, many other had provided the world with useful, scientific knowledge and effective treatment. People need to know this information. Whoever says sexual orientation is an inborn characteristic is not speaking the scientific truth.

K • 5 years ago

Lol did you just say being gay is more than just our sexuality? I’m sorry, what more than defining your sexual preference as “gay” is there to being gay? That’s like me saying being straight is so much more than just my sexuality. No, being heterosexual is being heterosexual and nothing more. Your sexuality does not define you, your actions and attitude defines you. My sexual preference in the bedroom is simply MY sexual preference. There is nothing more to that. Adding anything more to it would dig into your inner morals, desires in life and so forth. It’d be nice if every GAY person would stop looking for excuses as to why they’re gay. How about I’m gay because I wanna be fucking gay and that should be none of anyone’s god damn fucking business. Whether I like dick or vagina doesn’t require an excuse of “I was born this way” no I’m sorry, I like dick because a guy has more to offer than a girl. A guy makes me cum quicker and when a guys going down on me and I feel like I’m about to unravel and lose control and want more, he can offer me more as we can then engage in sex. Thank you. So take your bullshit “I was born this way it’s not a choice” and shove it up your ass. Spare me the “pity me” party and man up and say “I’m gay because I like it and I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my sexual preferences.” Cheers to you dude.

Ryan P • 6 years ago

Someone needs therapy really bad. There's no one "gay life." When you seek out situations and people that make you miserable, and behave in a way that makes you miserable, whether among gay people or straight people, guess what--you'll be miserable. "The life" does not exist. Your life exists. You need to talk to someone who can help you sort this all out.

Andrew James • 6 years ago

Each to their own, sounds like the writer has a bad case of pessimism. I'm quite happy that I turned out gay

Lamont Damon • 6 years ago

When sucks more is when you find a person that you like and their values matches yours but the "it factor" is not present so you end up just being friends. Happens to me all the time :(

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

But that's as true for straight guys as gay ones.

Derek Price • 6 years ago

Seems to me like you were caught up with the excitement of weekend life, and now that you're older, you're not able to accept choices you've made as well as how to deal with them.

ArtistGuy79 • 6 years ago
ArtistGuy79 • 6 years ago

I never wanted to be gay. I was born that way. This isn't a fad or a choice. I have met a lot of great people in my life in and out of the gay community. The issue is with you, not the LGBTQ community. If you were straight, you'd be complaining about how horrible women are. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Bozhidar Yordanov • 5 years ago

You can't be born that way, simply because people are not born gay... and for the matter of fact straight neither. Who comes up with this nonsense? Hello, you are free to study the matter by your own!

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

Science shows biology plays a key role in determining whether a person will be heterosexual or homosexual. Anti-scientific religious groups don't even claim being gay is a choice. They blame childhood trauma, such as being molested (yet instead of being compassionate and supportive these religious conservatives want to do everything possible to ruin the lives of gay people).

SailorAstarte • 6 years ago

You’re one of those people who the author writes about. No support just condemnation. It’s not that the author thinks he can change being gay nor would want to but a community that is more toxic than anything else drains a person to make him wish he wasn’t gay.

ArtistGuy79 • 6 years ago

Don't be a bigot. Don't blame a whole group of people for the drama in your life. Not happy? Change.

Kevin Morgan • 4 years ago

That's what the article is about, he's changing and for the better in my opinion.

desertpatriot • 4 years ago

but...but that would make you homophobic. the shame, the shame. lol

Jeff deD • 6 years ago

I could not agree more! Most of the men in the gay community are all superficial as hell, only interested in guys who have a 6pac and or guys who are loose with their money. Have not found any who can be monogamous or loyal in any way shape or form. I am not ashamed of being gay at all! In fact, I am proud of who I am as a man just because I have sex with another man does not make me any different from any other individual in our world. This Lucas character below is a perfect example of the people you are talking about. I was with my husband 12 years before he passed away from an undiagnosed brain aneurysm. We shared a loyal committed relationship and had milk in the fridge and corm flakes in the cupboard for our kids just like every other family. No I am a single Dad trying to Date again after being alone 2.5 years. Most of the guys I meet are a joke. Very little decency in the gay community anymore. They are more worried about their own agenda's, and tearing each other down then building a positive and supportive community.

ArtistGuy79 • 6 years ago

Kids these days! (Shakes fist in air menacingly) Nobody said dating was easy. You have way more options these days. Try them all before blaming a community for your problems. Obviously, there are good men out there if you were in a monogamous relationship for 12 years. Those would be big shoes to fill for anyone. Maybe you need to "lower the bar" for the guys that are interested instead of looking for a duplicate of what you lost. Or be a bitter queen hating the world. Your life. Your choice.

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

Boy, did things change for Jeff. He got married in late 2021 and not to a woman, to a man. Guess he's not hating gay men as much anymore. lol

Lucas • 6 years ago

Dude. That's all on you. Don't try and be gay.. just be yourself. Sounds like you need therapy. I couldn't even bring myself to read you're entire article. Bunch of bullshit.

Derek Dumbrique • 6 years ago

I read the whole thing, and I mostly agree... I just found, that although there was a lot of truthfulness in the article, that it wasn't really fair either...

Nightclubs and bars are practically watering holes for guys to meet other guys and have meaningless hookups and encounters... but sometimes more can happen! Even if that wasn't their intention! Gay guys are perfectly capable of love and feeling genuine selfless connections!

Some guys are snakes while others are princes... we are all aware of it and it's what people teach their daughters from a young age! We learn that in the world of dating, we have to learn to decipher which guys are which to prevent us from getting hurt!

Being a victim is never attractive! My guess is that the guy in the article is very judgmental, and it's probably driven guys away, hence the loneliness, lack of brotherhood and unity! He's probably offended others which caused people to throw him shade!

Without empathy, we can't understand what other people went through in their lives to figure out WHY they're so self destructive and self loathing! There's a reason WHY people tend to be cruel and hurtful to one another!

By having faith in people! He could make someone better and vice versa! Honestly, I find this guy to be a little counterproductive

Franklin Zelch • 6 years ago

your comment is precisely the attitude the author is referring to. maybe you should actually 'read' the entire article to better understand what he is talking about instead of throwing it to the wayside and calling it 'bunch of bullshit'.

ArtistGuy79 • 6 years ago

It's not the LGBTQ community's fault that the author or you are unhappy with your lives/friends. You control your life. Make the changes you want, and don't blame a group of people because of bias or because you're having a bad day.

SailorAstarte • 6 years ago

And how does one do that? It’s not just about a bad day, but years of the same affliction. It’s constantly being said that the GLBTQ community is inclusive and accepting but I’ve seen more emotional abuse inflicted from within than without. The author isn’t blaming every single gay man out there but there’s enough dysfunction and abuse in the community to make a statement as he has.

Franklin Zelch • 6 years ago

Who said I was 'Unhappy with my life'? I sure didn't. The authors comments in this article are spot on when it comes to the LGBT community. The LGBT community is the most hate-filled group I have ever had the displeasure to run into, which is why I gladly avoid it. What I find appalling about the majority of those in the LGBT community is that if you don't think, act, live, believe (politically that is) like them, somehow you are not 'really' gay, lesbian, Bi or Trans.

Rusty Writer • 2 years ago

Everything the author said about the gay community can be said about hetero life, too. I've heard the same complaints from women about men and vice-versa. The problem is when one has a certain kind of social life. But many of us are happy and healthy and doing fine with lots of friends, strong family life and happiness. I hope you find happiness.

Joffre Luy • 6 years ago

What he was talking about happens to people whether they are gay or not. Morality has something to do with your commitment to your principles in life. Although, gays often are stereotyped as sex-crazed, lustful, and unfaithful, aren't the straight ones guilty of such behavior too?

SailorAstarte • 6 years ago

Yes, they are, but it’s more difficult to find those that aren’t like that in the gay community. Gay brotherhood presents itself as a group of people that are welcoming and inclusive. We are verbally and emotionally bashed by those who aren’t gay, but in seeking that acceptance and love from others like us, it’s disheartening, to say the least, when there doesn’t appear to be anything else but shallowness and rejection. With fewer options in media and social media, if the gay community is no worse than the rest of the world, it doesn’t seem that way.

Stuart McDonald • 6 years ago

You have to first learn how to stand on your own, no longer feeling driven or pushed to fit into whatever self- and other- destructive norms of thought and behavior you see in your group/community. LGBT individuals and their "communities" are always subjected to massive anti-LGBT defamation, discrimination, and many other even worse forms of scapegoating from outside. The result is widespread and constant fear, loss of hope for the future, and often self- and other-destructive coping mechanisms. Only when you learn to stand alone and be able to see LGBT individuals and communities in the highly toxic context in which they must exist and cope can you then become a positive asset to and influence on your group/community. Then you can move away from your expectations (and disappointments) about what your group/community can and should do for you, and towards what you can and should do for the your group/community. Ironically, that's the only way you will then finally start truly seeing, getting what you need from, and fitting in within the LGBT community. After all, "you can't always get what you want; but if you try, sometimes you'll get what you need." And realizing what you and your community need will often change what you want.

Tj McGee Wright • 6 years ago

The conflation of "LGBT Community" and sexual orientation is as flawed as it is insulting. An individual can be gay. A community can not be. I will not deny that aspects of the "LGBT Community" can be limited, sometimes, in some places. But this kind of piece is harmful to us, and there are still plenty of us out there in trouble, where no kerosene on the ongoing fire of bigotry is necessary from Western careless whining complainers. We know now that homosexuality is a naturally occuring aspect of hummanity, with its own special characteristics and purposes. Where we go from there, away from the redundant and fascistic monotheistic cultures in their current incarnations, is up to each one of us.

Tj McGee Wright • 6 years ago

Oh here we go. Another disenfranchised sidelined guy with a myopic pen-piece on how much The Gayz were mean and had too much glitter. Its like an article about not wanting to be black anymore because 'Gangsta' culture is too violent, as if everyone is like that. Except for gays for some reason this kind of trash is somehow passable as print. Writer? Drop me a line, theres plenty of depth out there in the gay community, and I have engaged with it across the world.

Bozhidar Yordanov • 5 years ago

Race has nothing to do with developmental issues.