A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Moor often than not, I enjoy lists like this one!

I enjoy that joke every time I hear it.

A pirate sees his friend,another pirate, after a while he noticed a steering wheel sticking out of his crotch!! He says "What's that thing!? "I don't know,he replies" but it's driving me nuts!! "

What's a pirate's worst nightmare? A girl with a sunken chest and no booty.

This really makes me want to go on a quest.

To the liquor store we go!!

Yarr!!! spiced rum be one 'o th' few joys 'o life.

My adult children and I have drink night once a month, we pick a drink and go to the liquor store, last time was Bahama mamas, my favorite, tons of rum! Yay for drink night!

Aye - so it does, lassie; double ration of grog fer all hands and set topgallants and royals!

a pirates booze for me.

Magellan's trek is by far the most crazy thing I've read about the Age of Discovery. His crew eventually completed the first circumnavigation of the globe, after three years of mayhem.

It was a truely amazing feat.

HMS Warrior was the worlds first Iron Clad and Iron Hulled warship. Monitor was the Unions first iron cd warship.

You beat me to it. Also, during the first Spanish Armada the British used fire ships to scatter the fleet and then battled them all the way up the English Channel (with help from the Dutch) until they ended up off the Coast of Scotland, which is when a retreat back to Spain was decided and the storm hit. Wrecking about a third of the fleet in the waters between Scotland and Ireland.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

Just Americans trying to embellish their history again. U-571 anyone?

I love that movie! Thanks for the info in your first comment :)

Not a problem Lisa. Co-incidentally, the. Polish captured the first Enigma machine in WW2 but it was missing some vital rotors to be of any use. HMS Bulldog captured the first complete Enigma from. U-110 which the story was of course, the basis of the movie.

I didn't know that either, thank you again :)
Do you like the movie? Is it close to accurate?

The movie was OK as exactly that, a movie. In reality the code breakers at. Bletchley had already cracked the German codes. What the capture of the couple Enigma did was confirm that the Germans did not know that their codes had been broken. The American did not have any part at all in the capture of the Enigma. A more influential contribution was made by Alan Turing when he invented the worlds first digital computer, Colossus. He has been attributed as shortening the war. His story is extremely interesting especially as he was treated appalenly. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/w...

Don't really need to embellish much, lots of good stories just like every other country.

Its easy to explain, BonJovi is wolverine and has been alive for hundreds of years.

And the HMS Warrior was just bad as the Monitor, if not worse!!

Who wants to go on an adventure with me :)

ME! Love Chunk!

Lol that dude is the man

haha! Yup!

Hahaha

That is awesome!

I took that of my son last christmas isnt he adorable

He looks just like you! No one could deny that is your child.

Thanks everyone tells me he has my charming good looks

Naybe you need glasses or you should take fewer drugs!!

Awesome stuff! Love the how the crazy seem to work out for these guys. Number one was good! The guy who invaded England cracked me up. Such gall.

Good list.

Great list

The USS Monitor wasn't scrapped - it sunk in rough seas.

Oops, yeah you're right. Sorry about that -- I went in and fixed it.

When I seen this title, I yawned and said, "this is gonna be a boring list". Spoiler alert!!!!... it was actually good.

awesome! to bad the modern pirates are not as cool as those ancient pirates.

I shall have to get involved in this "transpor". It seems so much quicker than transport.

William of Orange wasn't asked by the British to become king. A few nobles with no authority to do so brought him in, and James II ran away rather than stay and fight. It was a hostile takeover by a foreign power, and it's a testament to the powers of PR that it's referred to as the Glorious Revolution.

William of Orange wasn't asked to become king, his wife Mary, a daughter from James IIs first marriage, was asked to become Queen. But the husband had to tag along, and he became very sulky when told he would be known as the Queen's consort, not a king. He made such a fuss everyone had to change their mind.

It was not an hostile takeover by a foreign power. England was strongly Protestant when it came to religion. James II was a ardent Catholic and was making moves to change things. His daughter had been brought up as a Protestant, so the takeover was very popular.

I'm gonna go play Empire: Total War now :)

Britain, Spain, Netherlands...what´s the missing country?

You mean apart from Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Andorra, Angola, Antigua and Barbuda. Argentina, Armenia, Aruba, Australia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Bahamas, The, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belarus, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bhutan, Bolivia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana, Brazil, Brunei, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burma, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Cape Verde, Central African Republic, Chad, Chile, China, Colombia, Comoros, Congo, Democratic Republic of,the, Congo,Republic of,the, Costa Rica, Cote d'Ivoire, Croatia, Cuba, Curacao, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Djibouti, Dominica, Dominican Republic, East Timor (see Timor-Leste), Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, France, Gabon, Gambia,The, Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Greece, Grenada, Guatemala, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana, Haiti, Holy See, Honduras, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kiribati Korea, North Korea, South Kosovo, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macau, Macedonia, Madagascar, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Mali, Malta, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, Mauritius, Mexico, Micronesia, Moldova, Monaco, Mongolia, Montenegro, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal,Netherlands Antilles, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Niger, Nigeria, North Korea, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Palau, Palestinian Territories, Panama, Papua New Guinea,Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Qatar, Romania, Russia, Rwanda, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, San Marino, Sao Tome and Principe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Saint Maarten, Slovakia, Slovenia, Solomon Islands, Somalia, South Africa, South Korea, South Sudan, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Swaziland, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Taiwan, Tajikistan, Tanzania, Thailand, Timor-Leste, Togo, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago,Tunisia, Turkey, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, United States of America, Uzbekistan , Vanuatu, Venezuela, Vietnam, Yemen, Zambia and Zimbabwe!!?!??!!:)

*smirks* You missed the United States of America...

Did you try looking under m for "Murica"?

I actually looked for "murica" lol :(

Anyway long time no speak Lisa, how you been?

Hi what, I've been OK, still waiting for pictures of snowden(?) from you from like a month ago (look, I'm being whiny or demanding lol), I went to a party on the good time and took some pics for you of my city! How have you been?

Of course, it didn't post the best picture. Damn you Disqus! And btw the second picture is Scafell pike through the trees with clouds rolling over it.. And like Michelangelo's David or Boticelli's 'The birth of Venus', here is my masterpiece. I love it because it reminds me of The Shire :).. It'll probly post a million times :/..