Disqus - Latest Comments for cynthia_clack

Re: Belittle Monster and His Cousin Bertha

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 09:10:27 -0000

blunder and plunder ! ... Or maybe it is plunder and blunder ... ( and now I want to find all the rhyming words for blunder and plunder because that's how I roll)

out the door in one more minute and I have my own plundering mission today. Sending mad love . . . .

Re: Lime-Aid — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 09:08:06 -0000

Your eyes and heart open to the messages. Most people are walking through with their heads down and covered. Most don't see the magic. I am one of the most lately. I am not seeing because I am not in a posture of looking, of inviting, of wishing.

Life gives us what we look for ... now I just have to figure out what I am looking for.

Re: Go See About A Girl — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 09:04:28 -0000

sigh and squeeee . . . . I was counting the days this morning.

Re: I Keep Things Alive — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 09:03:54 -0000

I do so love your hair, as well. Mine is slow growing ... or maybe it is growing faster than I think but it started out so so so short. I don't know what to do with it. Nothing feels like me. The dreads were not me, the buzz cut was not me. I think I may miss the loose flowy hair. I miss loose flowy everything right now. Transition. transition. transition.

I used to be soft, didn't I? Then the world and the institutions bricked me in and I thought I had to become hard, like a hammer to chisel my way out. Maybe I could have melted and slithered through the cracks. Maybe then I would still have my softness, my flowy-ness.

I didn't want to comment about hair and its deeper meaning ( because it's always a reflection of who I am in that moment) ... I am thinking most about coming to the pages, to the words, and allowing them to transport you to a vantage point, to be able to see all the connected dots, the full mosaic, the entire tapestry. Our vision gets so isolated and we can't see how the world is leading us through until we take the treetops with our words as nighttime goggles. Then it all makes sense ... well, maybe not all ... but at least there's a glimpse of sense.

Re: Safe Pockets — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 08:54:10 -0000

"Why doesn't anyone ever talk about maggots living in the trashcan? Are we all so ashamed? "

We've all had maggots living in the trashcans and ants trailing across the kitchen counter and roaches scuttling along the baseboards and flour weevils ... oh my goodness, the flour weevils. We don't talk about ... there is shame ... because what type of filthy person has the insects invading her home.

Certainly not everyone is safe enough to peek behind the curtain and see that I am just like you. I have lived with a myriad of insects and their ilk. They invite me to slow down, to pay attention, to offer my service to the care of my home.

What else do I not share for shame because certainly not everyone is safe enough to peek behind the curtain? I have this wild idea that if I can be brave enough to reveal a little here, a little there, that the shame will transform into welcoming arms, inviting others to share their stories. Together we will chip away at these walls we hide behind because I am just like you.

You always make me think. Thank you.

Re: But I don't. — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 11:47:05 -0000

" I just don't believe in the system anymore. "

and there was the day that all the systems crumbled ...
truth is it didn't happen in one day, in one moment
truth is that my awareness that I am standing in the rubble of a lifetime of system that failled me didn't happen in one day, one moment

Truth is that I don't believe in any of the systems any more. Though I have tried desperately to replace the systems with something that I can believe in, I have failed in that too. Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe it is that I have to believe in something that supersedes systems. Here is where the magic comes in. I am not going for a grand display of illusion. Rather, it is the tiny magic-infused moments that keep me on a mysterious path that has no directions. No step one, step two, step three. No dance pattern. Just my wandering, my wondering.

This comment has nothing to do with publishing. It's just that the sentence I quoted stirred me so deeply and in this moment when I am looking for something, grasping at strings, trying to recognize a pattern, those words made me realize that I have been stepping out of systems for a long time.

Re: I Want All of Life — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 09:51:58 -0000

this morning, drinking coffee, checking in with my inner circle of bloggers, reading words ... and BAM! ... I am hit with overwhelming thought, "WHAT the FUCK did I just do?! I shaved off all my hair!!! Who the hell am I now?" ... like where did that thought come from? It is raw and tears are flowing down my cheeks and I am trying to ignore this because I don't want to feel this angst. I don't want to be unsure of something that I have done so boldly. I don't want to have feelings that contradict the words I display or the words I tell myself and others.

and I suspect this feeling is merely a surfacing of something else, something that is calling for me to pay attention.

I am leaving the computer now and going to the easel, my place of making sense, or at least of being held. The easel doesn't ask anything of me other than to be present ( but being present can be so challenging!)

For someone who has always felt so much, awakening has been such a slow process precisely because of what this author says ... it wakens more feelings. Even the "good" feeling of joy can be painful because it is just so much. I feel, I run back to my hiding place, I emerge again, but for longer this time. I am learning. I am learning how to be here with ALL of this.

Ok, I am off now to paint.

So much love to you.

Re: The Militant Baker: SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR NEXT "HOLY FUCK THIS SUCKS SO HARD" BAD BODY DAY

Cynthia Lee — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 02:37:15 -0000

needed this ... thank you!

Re: A Boardgame — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Fri, 29 May 2015 09:10:55 -0000

I am completely in love with these dear diary posts. i started this ... my dailies ... but the month of May called for me to be away, to focus on letting go of this past year since my mom died. I am ready to get back to it. June 1st ... it's a Monday ... I always begin my weeks on Monday. ( do you know how difficult it is to find a monthly calendar that the weeks begin on Monday!) so new start and I will be back to it too.

These entries feel so real to me, authentic, stripped down. This is what life is. This is what I want to read, how I long to be connected. It feels like late night phone calls, checking in. Thank you.

Re: *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Fri, 29 May 2015 09:05:18 -0000

Yay! and I am so glad you took my comment to you about three threes and included it. I need the reminder!

Re: Secret Message Society - Taurus Centerfold

Cynthia Lee — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 09:17:33 -0000

I love when my words come back to me, confirming exactly where I am. thank you.

Re: traveling notes & a secret (shhh!) — The Phoenix Soul

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 12 Apr 2015 22:35:02 -0000

yes, from the depths of my heart, yes. I have shifted my journaling practice and The Phoenix Soul has become a part of that process. Snippets and bits are clipped and put in my journal, prompting me, reminding me. Just subscribed for another three months.

Re: define the sky — The Phoenix Soul

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 20:26:26 -0000

WHAT IF THE WHOLE
MESS OF YOU
IS HOLY?

damn it. ... yes. thank you.

Re: she of the wild: The Price of Becoming Who You Are?

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 20:17:14 -0000

It has been almost four weeks since any contact with my forever friend. just four weeks but it feels like an eternity ... because I know it's over but I am the only one to admit it. She claims she is still there ... but she is not. this is a grief unlike any I have ever known. Even losing my mother does not compare to losing connection to my anam cara.

We left the institution together and were knitted together so closely but now ... and I don't even know what happened. She said something inconsiderate, I acted even more inconsiderately, I pulled away, she pulled away, I apologized and tried to make amends but now ... nothing.

and I know her well. I know how she avoids conflict. I know how she has cut other people out of her life. So I figure that is what has happened here. I have said these words to no one else. I haven't acknowledged this loss to anyone else. It just hurts too much.

Re: "Wild" is Not a Four Letter Word

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 00:08:41 -0000

though I have left spirituncaged behind because I adopted it in lieu of owning myself, it was born of wanting to describe my wildness. I remember asking others if uncaged had a negative connotation ... why did I care? I knew what I meant. I still know what I meant. like now, I am just cynthia which almost sounds dismissive but that is not what I mean. I mean there is nothing there but me, my thoughts, my ramblings, my voice, my wild, authentic howl.

Love the direction your writing is taking.

Re: Goodbye, Devotion. — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 15:57:06 -0000

weeping. it is an honor to stand in front of your vulnerable, brave, authenticity. and every time I read ... She and Her ... I am pounded in my chest with the a cacophony of truth. Blazing trails, you are. Where I have been taking slow, baby steps, you have dived right in, you have heard your SHE so well. Thank you for this.

Re: But I Am Home - Intro — *Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 08:42:45 -0000

I am heading out of the door in five minutes. I can't take the time to comment properly. Oh, I am so glad you are writing this, to be in conversation about this finding home. I look forward to sipping my coffee, nodding my head, and saying, "yes, yes . . . and tell me more ... and what about this ... " because you are putting words to my journey as well, to countless others, I am sure.

but for now, I see you, I read these words, and I sigh with hope, my eyes overflowing with tears because of that hope. thank you. I'll be back later.

Re: Happy Writer Mama: A Little Hibernation

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 25 Jan 2015 09:04:58 -0000

sending you love and light. I bow to how you are honoring what you need.

Re: Words & Art by Beth Morey: 2015 Word of the Year {#OneWord365}

Cynthia Lee — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 21:57:49 -0000

I just blogged about this ... yes, almost 10:00 at night and I am blogging .... because I just don't care about the rules anymore. I need to write when I can, when it feels right.

My 2015 word is Soul ... because I am soul hungry. This year will be the year that I become reacquainted with my soul, reclaim, restore. It's time.

Love the changes you have made here. ( they may be old changes, I don't know ... I usually read on bloglovin and I hadn't noticed until today)

Re: fear not your undoing — Sprout online magazine

Cynthia Lee — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 11:33:28 -0000

this is good to remember. My tears come in Publix ... every time. I don't know what the trigger is.

Re: Time to let go, time to release

Cynthia Lee — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 23:45:23 -0000

Choose peace and joy over a completed to-do list. In the end, you will remember most how you felt and how you made others feel. The things done just aren't eternal.

Re: Happy Writer Mama: on nurturing yourself : 5 artist date ideas

Cynthia Lee — Sun, 30 Nov 2014 10:08:10 -0000

I am blessed to have a free art museum in my hometown. That is my favorite artist date ... has been since I was in my teens when it opened. I would spend hours wandering. I should have known then that there were seeds being planted in my soul.

Re: Maple Roasted Carrots (31 Days of Recipes from Aldi)

Cynthia Lee — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 10:23:38 -0000

ooh, thanks for this. one of my sons is vegan and I am always looking for recipes we can use. I happen to have all of these on hand today. I'll think I'll make them tonight.

Re: "Every Life Has a Story!" - {Roben-Marie Smith} - Have you heard? Life Book 2015 is coming soon!

Cynthia Lee — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 07:59:50 -0000

Sign me up! I'd love to win a spot.

Re: The Tale of Two Eggs — The Home of Messy Canvas

Cynthia Lee — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 08:38:17 -0000

yes. mistakes. have to make them. necessary. because we learn ... and then sometimes we make the same mistakes again. and we learn. and learn and learn.

Thank you, MUCH needed this morning!