Disqus - Latest Comments for christalei

Re: some end of summer musings.

Christa Lei — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 04:03:54 -0000

Life is strange like that. I've had a lot of practice distancing myself from people and maintaining (even if it was just at the bare minimum) friendships from afar. That being said, I agree. I think we're all too young to know better but maybe it's best that those toxic friendships ended.

Re: Olympic Games I Would Be Good At

Christa Lei — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 16:03:20 -0000

Haha, yeah I think I recognize your name from the boards. I'm still friends with a couple of the girls from the Zefron forums (Hillary and Katrina, etc.) so it's a small world :)

Re: Sincerely, Stephanie: Random Observations about Europe (after Spending 5 Weeks There)

Christa Lei — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 16:03:16 -0000

My partner is Dutch, but I definitely contend with the slower lifestyle (unless you're in London.) We were there for a month this summer, traversing around the Netherlands and parts of Scandinavia, and while I've backpacked around Europe before solo, there are always differences between countries too. What I've noticed though is similar to you-- you have to pay for everything (bathroom, water, etc) and the lifestyle seems simpler and slower. I'm not sure I can see so much of that in Paris, but I know when we were in the Netherlands, everyone is more concerned about the well-being of others. When I explained the medical system in the US to a doctor in the Netherlands, she was surprised and often shocked at how unforgiving our medical, legal and political systems were. (She urged me to 'move right away,' lol.)

Re: Olympic Games I Would Be Good At

Christa Lei — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 14:21:59 -0000

Karaoke is my jam. I wish I could say that I'd be good at Olympic Eating, but since there are ACTUAL eating contests out there, and people actually get hurt internally due to pushing themselves... I probably wouldn't be good at it.

ALSO, I've been following you on and off and finally pinpointed why you look so familiar to me-- were you ever on the Zefron forums? If so, we definitely knew each other :) If not, I'm definitely aging myself hahaha.

Re: 10 Splurge Worthy Pieces Every Girl Needs in her Wardrobe (+ MacBook Giveaway!)

Christa Lei — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 14:17:47 -0000

Quality purses are definitely something I splurge on. If you even want a premiere designer, I'd urge you to go check out some online consignment shops too. I've been living off the purse selection off them, and they're a great way I can get my "dream bags" at a cheaper price point. I also think good, comfortable (but fashionable) shoes are something that women need in their wardrobe. I don't look good in jumpsuits because of my height-- but maaaaaan, if I could, I would!

Re: A Day in My Life

Christa Lei — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 14:09:41 -0000

I wish I had the discipline to get up at 7 in the morning every day haha. I was actually pretty good at it, but my schedule was flipped this summer and I was forced to stay up later than I normally do, and wake up later lol. But good for you for having the drive to do it! I'm not as loyal to my schedule lol

Re: What’s Your Perfect Heavy-Duty Moisturizer?

Christa Lei — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:21:51 -0000

If this is still a thing they're working on, my favourite HG moisturizer is Ladykin Vanpir Dark Repair Cream. Rehydrates the hell out of my parched, dehydrated skin and even though it feels heavy, it works like a charm.

Re: About The Time I Got Catfished : Part I

Christa Lei — Sun, 14 Aug 2016 06:13:56 -0000

I've been catfished... haha. It's an interesting story, and probably more similar to the online girlfriend in the story, but it's never good to have someone fake who they are over the internet. I understand the motives behind it, but as the person who was genuine the entire time on the other side of the ocean, I've had my heart broken over an incident like this. I don't talk about it often since it affected me fairly deeply, and it's just something I'm so over at this point, but I acknowledge it as a major part of my life and a huge piece of baggage that I carry with me.

Forgiving someone is easier when the emotional connection wasn't there, and there weren't any romantic feelings involved, I feel. I also feel like if they apologise profusely, and you find that they are sincere about it, that it's easier to forgive and forget. But in my own case, the person never fully admitted it (despite the mounds of evidence stacked against them,) and never apologised to me or the other people affected by the decisions they made. I find that to be difficult to get over, but time heals all wounds and eventually you realise that if they can't own up to their mountains of lies, karma will probably get back to them in the end anyway.

Re: Paris

Christa Lei — Sun, 14 Aug 2016 05:08:57 -0000

I was never a fan of Paris (I can't deny that it's beautiful, but my experience there was racked with terrible experiences that I don't think I can ever fully appreciate it for what it is,) but there is something about the charm of raising a family in Europe that has its definite advantages over the United States. I recently visited the Netherlands to visit my partner's family, and after that (maybe a bit before), we've started to discuss the possibility of moving to Europe to raise a family, to live and thrive, simply because everything just seems... easier? Better? I don't know what it is, but America leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The reality of moving, picking up and starting over is difficult though. I'm glad you enjoyed your trip though. I can completely relate to missing lots of things just because you were young and naive, and looking at places with different eyes.

Re: when to cut out shitty people

Christa Lei — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 01:44:00 -0000

It was easiest for me because I hadn't heard from him in two years, and like clockwork, he appeared magically back into my life. I still feel for him, but I can't imagine ever pursuing a friendship where he wouldn't cross boundaries and sketchy crap all the time. In a way, it's like I never really knew him so I didn't feel too bad about cutting ties. (I still feel a lingering sadness because I care about him, but maybe it's more about caring for the nostalgia of what we shared? IDK)

I was nice because I hadn't spoken to him in two years, but I definitely could have handled it better and I shouldn't have been so passive aggressive! I just saw no point in not being decent about it because it would have been worse if the bitter feelings just lingered, you know? This person is bad for my life and I'm not giving him the satisfaction of feeling good about it.

Re: when to cut out shitty people

Christa Lei — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 01:41:47 -0000

Don't get me wrong, I'm completely over it, but it was still difficult for me to do. I still hold a deep fondness for him and I hope he does well-- but I had to cut him out of my life because the way he goes about our interactions is unproductive and just toxic. Not to mention, fairly disrespectful to my serious relationship. I'm happy that I did it, but sometimes I feel a lingering sadness. I'm appreciative of what I did, and I'm not sad about doing it, just that I care for him deeply and I still wish that he does well in his life, despite the lack of relationship we now share.

Re: Hygge Home: What Makes a Home

Christa Lei — Sat, 02 Apr 2016 03:41:35 -0000

Every single time I come back to your blog, I'm reminded of how Chicago used to feel like home to me. I am so grateful you've found your place there. It's been hard for me to consider certain places home, because I've so strongly felt that it's a feeling. Plus, I like the feeling of being uncomfortable sometimes: it's healthy. That being said, whenever I'm with my partner, I feel like I'm at home, and I think that's the most important thing. Doesn't matter where you are-- it's really about the love you surround yourself with.

Re: 4 Expenses I Wish I’d Considered Before Moving In With My S.O.

Christa Lei — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 00:07:33 -0000

My boyfriend and I live together, and moved in earlier on in our relationship (maybe 8-9 months into our relationship) because we live in one of the most expensive (if not the most, at this point) cities in the country. We spent the majority of our time together anyway, but all things considered-- a lot of these things are things I highly considered when we decided to move in together, and these were some of the things he neglected to keep in mind when we looked at places together. Splitting the grocery bill is something that didn't really faze us, mainly because I'M the one who spends more, so I end up offering to pay more anyway (because I eat a lot... haha.) Making a home is definitely difficult, because in a renter's market-- who knows how long you'll actually stay there? We were lucky enough that relatives and friends were able to help us out by giving us free stuff, and we got the "basics" (couch, bed, bed frame, storage things, etc.) for furniture by ourselves, but decor has been a little more difficult... #4 is probably the most real thing I've experienced. I am in graduate school and he has a sweet job as a senior-level software engineer, so I am definitely in the red when it comes to money in comparison-- we've adjusted accordingly and only try to go out once a week for dinner (date night) and try to keep it on the cheap. We'll cook or save our money for trips, but it definitely sucks as an expense (especially because we trade off on who buys dinner, or split expenses evenly.)

Re: this is goodbye.

Christa Lei — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 23:37:21 -0000

You are my favourite blogger. I am saddened to be reading this goodbye, but I will keep in touch with you via email, twitter, and facebook. I can't wait to read more of your writing. Maybe even write a little love note to you as well. Hope to keep in touch!

Re: Tender Roots: Currently // At Home in Winter

Christa Lei — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 07:49:00 -0000

Ah! Your apartment is so cozy and lovely. Makes me miss Chicago so much. Funny you added pumpkin to your dog's food-- when we were actively fostering a pup (we've only fostered one long term so far,) our pup would eat EVERYTHING... except for sweet things. I still have these weird sweet potato treats, and she would try to avoid them like the plague lol.

Re: love archives // constellation: you.

Christa Lei — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 12:09:14 -0000

Thanks, Shannon! I try to be as honest as possible through my writing. It can be difficult-- but sometimes, I get gems :)

Re: love archives // constellation: you.

Christa Lei — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 00:51:00 -0000

Ironically, I don't at ALL think I write as eloquently anymore. I wrote about it in the past, but I think some of my most beautiful writing comes from the darkest points in my life.

It's strange that I'm relatively happy enough in my life where I can't feel like I can write as eloquently as this anymore. But then again, that's another topic for another blog post, right? ;) And you do write beautifully!

Re: The Day of Our Engagement Photos

Christa Lei — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 00:48:44 -0000

You look gorgeous, and that outfit is spectacular <3_<3
It's nice to revisit the past. You two are so adorable, and I am happy that you're happy. Weddings are fun, and I'm glad you two got to share some intimate photos together before the actual day. Bonding experience and I'm sure, it was great practice for the actual wedding.

Re: love archives // constellation: you.

Christa Lei — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 00:45:32 -0000

I like to revisit, revamp and recycle my old works into something new. I wrote most of these lines years ago-- during a time of transition, a time where I found 19 year old me moving to Chicago for a long-distance relationship that didn't quite work out the way I planned.

It's strange to see how far I've come in the past three years. Rapid changes, rapid progress.

Re: post-graduate millenial crises

Christa Lei — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:07:00 -0000

I don't blame you. I've had quite the year too-- well, quite the year(s.) But I think that's the nature of being a young, independent 20something. Things are not quite permanent and there's always the chance that things can change more. Don't feel bad for not being in contact (or do-- just not the point of guilt!) I always go through periods and ebbs and flows of keeping in touch and not keeping in touch.

I feel like they understand eventually.

Re: post-graduate millenial crises

Christa Lei — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:05:36 -0000

I doubt you are really a bad friend. I think night time kind of brings the worst out of us, and more than that-- the reality of 20something friendships really hits hard. Most of us are transient, or at the very least, in constant transition. None of what we do in our twenties feels permanent by any means. It doesn't make things any worse, it just makes things interesting. People grow apart, we change. I'm trying to reconcile that everyday, and trying to appreciate the things that tie me to others. It's hard to not forget to remember what brought you to your friends in the first place. Once I'm reminded of that, things get easier.

Re: i keep carrying you with me: how to let go.

Christa Lei — Wed, 27 May 2015 19:56:27 -0000

Angie, I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone with how I let things or people go. I struggled with the idea of closure for a very long time before realising that you give yourself your own closure. Or that silence in and of itself, can be a form of closure.

Re: Where Do We Go Now?

Christa Lei — Wed, 27 May 2015 19:51:28 -0000

While I consider my blog a personal one, I understand where you're coming from. And I'm puzzled at how many blogger niches there are nowadays. I think it's difficult because a lot of people invest SO MUCH of their time and themselves in their blogs that-- why shouldn't they get paid for writing and doing the work they do? Then they have to turn it into a brand, yadda yadda yadda. I struggle with it because while I'd like to be paid for some of the writing I do, I don't want to do it to alienate readers. I also don't have anything to offer. If I want to write reviews on something, I have Yelp for that.

I also find it difficult to run a personal blog on my own end because of the issue of privacy. I'd like to share a lot of details of my life with people-- but at what cost? And I know that many of the 20SBs have posted blogs about this topic, but how do you write a personal blog without revealing some crucial aspects about yourself. When I first started reading your blog, you were fairly anonymous and then you slowly grew to reveal yourself. Which is a great way to go about things since you're established, you've spent some time poring over your blog and revealing bits and pieces about yourself. But it's hard when you start off revealing everything about yourself and then try to backtrack and attempt to reveal as little as possible. I struggle with this tremendously, and also with the fact of trying to craft something beautiful and meaningful. Maybe the pressures of privacy and drafting also put a toll on the personal blog.

Re: i keep carrying you with me: how to let go.

Christa Lei — Wed, 27 May 2015 15:57:03 -0000

I've found it the most difficult thing to let go of people, even if I want to. I think there's something so inherently powerful about the good memories you have with those people, that you want to see that there is good in them. So it's harder to let go.

Re: i keep carrying you with me: how to let go.

Christa Lei — Tue, 26 May 2015 20:41:04 -0000

Alyssa, thank you for the kind words. It is SO hard to let the good ones go, but I feel like you don't have to let them go unless they're no longer good for you!