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Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:55:47 -0000

Thank you Susanawalsh. Yes, my current bf says he trusts me to do what I feel I need to. Last time I emailed the ex's mom to let her know he would not move out and that I needed help, and that he was being a bum, her response was concerned but she said to hurry and delete the email like she did and seemed fearful. It was strange. Also, now his accusations are making more sense about two previous girlfriends. One of whom disappeared from the face of the earth and he has no clue where she is...he claims she is dead but has no proof...maybe dead to him in his world only(he thinks he has a supernatural sense of things), and the other decided to travel Europe and he has no idea where she is. I do think he may have had some legal issues in another state. I know which state, but won't say here, but he claimed to me that she set him up and harmed herself. Now I wonder. He has never laid a hand on me though or threatened physical harm. He just twists all the memories to show how evil and dirty I am and how perfect and sensitive he is in the emails, and the blackmail email was for an apology from me because he is so sensitive....how freakin lame. I gave him his apology and it because of a phone call. I think I had to apologize about 50 times by the time he was satisfied. I was in err and should have called him in that case, but I had already apologized 40 times before the blackmail email. I wont contact the parents then, and if he continues, I will contact the police. It's just really annoying right now, but yesterday was freaky when he followed me from my home to another town where I had an appointment. I know I was followed and the vehicle looked just like his, and I dove into the left lane on a three lane and last minute dove and made a right turn, and he followed, but I lost him over a hill and a dive into a residential area. I asked him when he appeared at my grocery store later in the day while I was shopping if it was him and he of course looked innocent and said it was not. I think he is monitoring me and taking notes maybe perhaps to inform my ex spouse? Or maybe for another blackmail attempt? I am on the verge of calling the police. Anymore following me and showing up where I am and that's it. I also have the blackmail email saved.

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:33:19 -0000

Thanks Susanawalsh and Brigitte. I do realize where my issues lie. Brought up in a family where both my parents and sister were/are highly critical, and have serious jealousy issues. They have some great qualities too, and as an adult I feel I have discarded the negative qualities and have kept the good qualities, but the problem is that having been raised in such a way, it made me too tolerant of men who were not treating me decent. I do realize this, and I have learned.

My new relationship was not one I expected. I was not looking, but an old high school friend and family friend found me. He does not take anything from me. If I have any personal interest or passion, he pushes me towards my dreams. If I say I always wanted to learn piano, he shows up with a keyboard. If I say I want to paint, he shows up with an easel. He "feels like home". Not the home I grew up in, but the home I always wanted...just that feeling you know what I mean. I know it was fast, and he and I are both taking our time and being realistic. This is the first relationship where I am encouraged to be me and explore my passions. Usually with the ex N's and other ex's it was all them and all about what I can do for them. I was expecting to be just by myself, and my meeting the new boyfriend was completely accidental. I am keeping in my mind always to keep my passions and interests and be realistic.

As far as the ex N, yes I will go to the police if he keeps stalking me. He is 40 and most likely never grow up. I also know his parents and if he persists, they will be notified about what he has been doing so it will be on their hands too. I have not let them know yet because I do not like drama and don't want to seem the trouble making ex girlfriend. I did research stalking and the statistics and one thing it says is to let everyone know what is going on. That I have done. The only people who do not know is his family, and if he persists, they all will know. Yes it is scary, but I am typically a calm person and I always try and take the peaceful route first.

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:31:41 -0000

Hello again. I have left previous comments about a Narcissistic Boyfriend whom I broke up with and he was fine until a started seeing a new man. Now my ex N boyfriend is stalking me. He follows me and knows when I have been away from my house. Then he shows up at the grocery store and tries to act like my friend and seems shocked when I tell him he is scaring me and his emails sound mean. He even starts the water works because he knows I am going to lose my house. I'm not even upset about the house; it has been a struggle and I will be happy to let the bank have it. So weird. He has also threatened black mail because I am also in process of divorcing my ex N spouse, and my ex N boyfriend threatens to show up in court as a character witness against me. Also, I did a tiny bit of work under the table to scrape by to pay bills and mortgage when I could and my ex N boyfriend is threatening to turn me in. He is also trying to poison my new relationship and belittle the new man I am in love with. I love my new boyfriend and want to protect him. My ex N boyfriend even showed up and ranted in front of my new guy about a false affair and how insensitive I am. My new boyfriend thinks my exN boyfriend is a jerk and sees me as the sweetest girl so the rant did not work, but I am afraid this drama will wear on my new relationship, and I am afraid to inform the police or get a restraining order because of the black mail threats. I am just being really calm and polite when he does show up and hope he will get bored and move on. Any advice please. I do have a child too and I sure hope this guy doesn't turn violent.

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:14:08 -0000

Thank you Brigitte. I did break up with him. It's been difficult to get him to move out of my house though. I wasn't looking, but an old high school friend contacted me through facebook and we are now super good friends and a bit romantic, but I have decided to be celibate to keep my head clear and find the man who likes me without sex involved. It actually is a big relief to be celibate, guilt free, and be broken up with the N. The problem is that N won't leave and is supposedly looking for an apartment, but while my new interest is calling to talk on the phone, the N that is here now says I am rude and the new man should not be calling. I figure the N should have been a man and moved is butt out by now so he can't complain....it's not like he has even helped with any bills or anything. It's a bizarre situation, but I think I am being realistic, and for now the new man is a good friend and I like talking with him. It's such a nice change from the N, and I don't mean to be rude to the N, but in a normal situation, the man should make an exit after you break up. He's still trying to be cunning and confuse me, but I am totally turned off by N. N lurks around and listens to my phone conversations with my new male friend and questions me later....it just should not be this way and N has till the end of the month to move out. I should not be so nice to even give N that much time, but I can't help myself.....probably is why those N's like me so much. I think I have learned to be more cautious and the celibacy should really help me weed out the N's....it makes them powerless. Yes, I have to get my life fixed. This economy just is not helping. I do have a Master's degree and once I get settled and get a job, it should all fall into place (finger's crossed). Also, I don't care if I am alone. I am an artist and now will have plenty of time to pursue that interest so I am excited. You are so right. Narcissists do suck big time. My new guy friend does know about N and that I am trying to get him to move out. So I am not hiding anything, and N can't try and sabotage my new friendship with a new guy :)

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:02:46 -0000

Thank you :)

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:00:22 -0000

Thanks so much for your comments. It is so hard dating in the older fish pond. I am 40 and have been laid off due to downsizing from my job of 10 years, and have a special needs child so even though I am still positive, and very strong, and skinny/pretty, witty, and highly educated, I have had a tough time dating. It's not easy in my situation and so I decided for now I am just going to get my life back in order. Most of the men that are not yet married after 40 are losers. I have had to break up with closet alcoholics (very nice ones), closet pot smokers, and I just cannot get myself interested in a nice obese man so this N came along who is so healthy, smart, no addictions, and charming/cunning so it was very easy for me to make another mistake. For now I am just not going to date. I have to be employed again and settled for me and my son. Most men seem to automatically think us single moms are gold diggers, which really upsets me because I was always the breadwinner. I would love to seek counceling, but as of now I have no health insurance. Anyway, I hate to sound like an excuse person. I am very strong and survived pure hell with my ex. I'll be just fine :)

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 10:24:44 -0000

OK, there's more, but I was worried all my previous typing would not go through. He is also very vain and you cannot comment on anything that an opposite to what he believes. He is very defensive if I suggest maybe his comb over isn't the best hair style for him now that he is balding on top. It's actually a comb forward so he can have an attempted young man's hair style. I sent him a collage of sexy bald men with short hair to show how sexy bald men could be and he was so affended and cried. If he notices me looking at his bald spot he gets mad, but I was only looking closely because I thought I saw a suspicious mole and was worried it was cancerous, and I'm comfortable with his bald spot. He where very tight clothes to always flash his big muscles. When I met him he was skinny (and nicer) and I was fine with that, but now that he's living off me, he can afford his expensive protein powder and eat dam good. He claims he is just very sensitive, but I think he is very self centered and refuses any input from anyone unless it is in agreement with him. He will just disappear and not talk to family members if they bring up an unfavorable topic. He only talks to people he sees an advantage to knowing somehow, but if there is no advantage, he just leaves the room and says he's busy or shy or they smelled. He can't figure out why people don't say hi to him and it's them not him, but I think now that he's getting older and getting wrinkles, his true self is showing on his face and he just does not look friendly. He likes to watch movies that make me cry because he thinks it's cute, and he cries too, which is the confusing part ince he has so many other N symptoms. Maybe he is mimicing me, which I have caught him do, or maybe he is somehow internalizing the drama which makes him cry. He likes the chick flick and drama more than me. I like comedy, action adventure, and scifi. He says the same thing my ex always said (because my child comes first for my love)...he says "you are a great mom", but I get the feeling it isn't meant as a compliment and my intuition feels there is a unspoken feeling of he wishes I was a better girlfriend. OK, I could nitpic away some more, but these are the main issues. Thanks for letting my blab away here. My flaw is that I am too willing to go without so those I love can have. It's not good, and I have been so self critical and hard on myself and I have to try and be nicer to myself. I've been the perfect woman for a N to keep around.

Re: Are You Dating a Narcissist?

annie7rose — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 09:53:29 -0000

Hi. I've spent the last 5 days while my boyfriend was away on vacation researching Narcissistic boyfriends, and I think mine is. Anyway, I pity him and still love him mostly because I love most people in my life, but I love myself and my son more so I believe I have to end it. The first clue for me that got me wondering was how bad sex was. I felt like an object for his masturbation, very robotic and no passion, and he refuses to kiss my anywhere during sex and is just not cuddly or affectionate at any time, but he acts sensitive and seems to feel bad for me for my having been through a bad marriage with my ex Narcissistic husband, who was extremely expensive and would not work, and was always abusive, but put on a good show in public and was always commanding me to smile because "people are watching". The new "soon to be ex boyfriend" (because I intend to break up with him after his vacation so he can enjoy his vacation) fooled me because he acted helpful even though it has been destructive, and he has been staying with me and not helping with any expenses. My current boyfriend is super cheap, and that's what fooled me is because my ex husband was super impulsive about spending (my money). My current N actually seems to flinch when I try to kiss him and it wasn't his move. He only kisses me by pressing lips together, no open mouth or french, and I have been starving for passion. I did tell him what my concerns were and where he can kiss me to make me melt, but he just won't. I did discuss the finances, and how I thought he was too cheap to be the commitment type, but he says to let the relationship just work it's own way and see what happens. I think he is trying to imply commitment, but not promising so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Anyway, I think I've had enough of this N. Great article by the way :)