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Re: Ask a recovering alcoholic...(+ a book giveaway)

Shannon Truss — Tue, 07 May 2013 12:03:19 -0000

I'm the adult child of an alcoholic. My father isn't actively drinking right now, but he has not - and will not - go through a 12 step program and he is opposed to any type of faith-based program. What one thing would you say to me as his daughter? I struggle to see his alcoholism as something that is not of his choosing since he will not seek help and expresses no remorse for our lack of relationship nor his lack of presence in my life. What's a Jesus-ish way to approach this? How can I see him like God does?

Re: How many is enough?

Shannon Truss — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 22:39:15 -0000

My husband and I are both from families with two children (we each have one younger brother), but before we ever had a child, he said to me in an offhand manner, "What would you think of having three children?" That sounded so right to me that it was our plan from that point forward. Then I found out three days after daughter #1's 1st birthday that I was pregnant. It was a surprise to us, but I was thrilled - until I realized my husband would still be in school full time and I would have to continue to work full time as a mom of two. The first six months of daughter #2's life are still a blur. And when her 1st birthday rolled around, I was thrilled to not be pregnant. But I always had the feeling we weren't done. I wanted the closure of another pregnancy and another child. A way to say goodbye to everything the whole way through. So we have three daughters who are unique, wonderful and just right for our family.

I have no idea what that means for you or how it might help you decide whether your family is complete or not. When I was getting my tubes tied and I told my daughters it was so that I wouldn't have any more babies, my eldest daughter piped up and said, "We can just adopt!" I immediately said a silent prayer hoping that she wasn't speaking for the Holy Spirit. :-) My youngest is now nearly 7, so I think it's safe to say we're done. I pray you'll eventually have the same sense of peace and direction for your family.

Re: Boys vs. Girls

Shannon Truss — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:58:04 -0000

As a mom to three girls, I am of the opinion that there are some gender specific tendencies, but it I think it's terribly difficult to sort out the different influences to know their core source. I think birth order plays a big role in our preferences and personalities, as does our gender, our family system, our genetic predispositions, etc. That being said, I find it amazing how different three girls from the same parents can be.

When I was pregnant for the second time, I said after the ultrasound, "Oh, it's too bad it's a girl. I know what girls are like." God must have had a good laugh as he made #2, who is oh so different from #1 - and from #3.

Before having children, I was determined to not give in to gender stereotypes. But each of my daughters like some "girly" things - to varying degrees and of varying types. It's all a big mystery IMHO.

Re: luncheon

Shannon Truss — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 10:47:55 -0000

Isn't it amazing how the teeniest bit of time without your children can help you remember who you were before you had them? It always encourages me because it gives me hope that I'll still be me when the youngest is finally in college.

Re: Are ALL Christians hypocrites??

Shannon Truss — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 20:02:22 -0000

This post is a great one. I didn't become a believer until well into my 20s and one of my first experiences in a small group settings left me feeling more judged than affirmed. I've since decided that the individual who made me feel this way must have her own issues that I somehow triggered, but the blessing of that whole situation is that it has made me try SO hard to not judge others. I don't ever want to make someone feel the way that person made me feel.

Surrender is terribly difficult, but I have also found God to be so gentle and patient in prying my hands free when I have them clenched around something. And when I'm able to truly hold my hands open and offer it all to him, I'm amazed at how often he places a blessing gently on those open hands.

P.S. I heard about your blog via The Daughter from If Stones Could Talk (AKA Annie!) and have enjoyed reading.

Re: Come on let’s be HONEST…

Shannon Truss — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 09:15:32 -0000

I'll admit I haven't taken time to watch the embedded video but I completely agree that doubt should be an integral part of the church, not something that causes the doubter to feel shame. We recently changed churches and one reason was because my middle daughter is a BIG doubter. I firmly believe this is a good thing - when she comes to faith, it will be all her own and will be so much stronger for having asked her questions. I think the church (institutional and individual) should do all we can to talk through doubts amongst ourselves and, most importantly, with God. He can totally handle it.

Thanks for posting about this. (I found your blog via If Stones Could Talk and am really enjoying it.)

Re: A much needed date with someone that isn’t my husband…

Shannon Truss — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 10:53:33 -0000

Great post, especially on the first day of Advent. I've been pondering how to slow down in a season that tells us to rush, rush, rush. Still thinking and praying on whether I should adopt a specific Advent practice to remind me that this is a very special time of year and that my heart rejoices in this season not just because Jesus came, but because he's coming back.

Re: Thoughts on life from a 17 year old battling cancer…

Shannon Truss — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 08:30:06 -0000

How humbling that a 17 year old can understand so much more about life than I do. Thank you for sharing Ashley's words. I'll carry them with me as I do the mundane things of my life - laundry, schooling, cleaning and cooking - and try to see the beauty in having three children who create messes for me to clean up. Not because they are inconsiderate, but because they are busy living life, as I should be.

Re: The non-anniversary wife

Shannon Truss — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 08:36:38 -0000

We don't do presents on anniversaries, either. Partly because our anniversary falls just two weeks before my husband's birthday, so that's too much pressure in too short a time. Plus, I couldn't care less about gifts. Not my thing. The last anniversary gift I gave my husband was for our 10th wedding anniversary and it was a map of many of the places we've been together in our lives - and a reminder of all of the places we'll still get to explore together. He still has it, although it crashed to the ground and the glass in the frame broke. :-)

Re: Voila or wala….?

Shannon Truss — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:14:59 -0000

I have no idea what the long-term linguistic impact will be, but had to say that I think this is adorable!

Re: One is the loneliest number

Shannon Truss — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:46:33 -0000

I love this post. I, too, boarded a plane to cross the ocean for England many years ago. But I was leaving behind the boy (now man) I loved. (Oddly, he is from Wisconsin.) We're back on the US side of the pond and still together many years later. But this post reminded me of how lonely I was back then. Of how I feared our relationship would never survive. And that the loneliness I feel right now will surely pass in time as well. We changed churches a few months ago and have started homeschooling our eldest daughter - both things together leaving us a bit isolated.

Glad to hear you are seeing the sun through the clouds and hoping you are able to look back on this post one day and read it to dear friends who live right down the street from you.

Re: What did your kid eat for breakfast?

Shannon Truss — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 10:09:50 -0000

Well, since I live in Nashville and can get instant grits, we just pour hot water over them and stir in shredded cheese. But I do have a great recipe for baked cheese grits if you can get quick grits or stone ground grits in Toulouse. I don't see an e-mail address for you on here. Want me to send the recipe to you?

Re: What did your kid eat for breakfast?

Shannon Truss — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 11:26:00 -0000

My daughters ate cheese grits (daughter #3), two fried eggs (daughter #2, who is learning to cook them for herself) and mini-bagels (daughter #1). My girls are much older than yours and only #3 is a picky eater. My key with her has been to find something that she will eat for breakfast and then pretty much let her eat it every day. The foods she loves are acidic, which doesn't go super well with breakfast. But she loves grits, so she eats a lot of those... Like Foodie Mummy, I find breakfast is especially Do as I Say, not as I Do. My middle daughter once asked me if I ever eat breakfast because I never, ever have time for it before getting them off to school. Just this morning I was on cup of coffee number 2 when I realized why my stomach was growling - I'd been up for about three hours with no breakfast. Oops!

Re: Innocent of pain

Shannon Truss — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:18:25 -0000

I think I'm fairly sympathetic, but I often have no idea how to best express it. I also find that hearing what other's have been through makes me feel like a big baby for the issues I have from growing up in a home with an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. At least I wasn't abused physically or sexually. But there are still scars. A friend of mine whose sister has severely disabled children once told her sister that she felt guilty talking to her about how challenging her normally developing child could be. Her sister's response? We all face hard things. My things are different than yours, but there's no need to minimize them. I try to remember this. It's OK for me to mourn what I lost - or didn't have - in my family growing up. And it's OK for me to share others' pain over their own losses.

Re: There is this girl

Shannon Truss — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 23:01:09 -0000

This post is difficult for me to read, but I kept thinking about it tonight - a full day after I read it - and just had to say that while I hate divorce, I hope your brother will leave her if she doesn't get help and stop drinking. That's what I wish my mother would have done. I'm sure I would have had scars from a divorce, but they would be different scars than the ones I bear now.

Re: Naked Tongue

Shannon Truss — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:32:00 -0000

Great post. I love that you got rid of the tongue ring because YOU were ready and because you didn't need it for the same reasons you originally got it. I, on the other hand, am waiting (im)patiently for my surgery scar to heal so that I can get a tattoo over it. Hope I don't change my mind about that ten years down the road. :-)

Re: Balance

Shannon Truss — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:00:41 -0000

Great post. I agree that moms who say they have it all and are balancing work and family perfectly are lying - or it's temporary, at best. With my youngest daughter now in kindergarten and my non-profit employer unable to keep me on staff, I find myself no longer working for pay and enjoying it, but OH, the guilt. And, some days, the boredom.

I do a good job of filling my time, but not necessarily of preserving it - for writing, for reading, for the stuff that actually leaves me satiated. And I wonder what my three daughters will one day think if I don't find a way to meet their needs and my own.

Re: To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate

Shannon Truss — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 10:45:38 -0000

We decided that our youngest daughter will get the H1N1 vaccine, but not the rest of us. Our reasoning for this is that she has the weakest immune system of the five of us, so she might need a bit more protection than the rest of us. My eldest daughters never seem to get sick, so I figure their bodies can probably fight off almost anything they come into contact with.

We all get the seasonal flu shot because the youngest got the flu a few years ago and had a fever for 10 straight days. That was hard on the entire family and with all three girls now in school, I don't want anyone missing 2 weeks of class. But some friends have already had H1N1 and it was short-lived. Their daughter only had a fever for 2 days. That's not as bad as some colds and I'm not convinced that the H1N1 vaccine has been as thoroughly tested as I'd like.

I don't think there's any one right or wrong answer to this question. My husband and I talked and talked about it before sending the vaccine consent forms back to school. Now we'll just pray that everyone stays healthy and be extra-careful if flu-like symptoms appear.

Re: The Reader

Shannon Truss — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:48:05 -0000

This post brought tears to my eyes. My youngest daughter started kindergarten this year, so I'll get one more chance to see everything fall into place when she learns to read. It was joyous to not only watch my first two daughters learn to read, but learn to LOVE to read.

I've heard parents (especially dads) talk about how being fearful of not connecting with their daughters if they don't share an interest with them. I frankly don't care what other passions my children have. I will learn to love ballet because A does. I will watch basketball until my eyes fall out for B. And I'll watch K perform to her heart's content. As long as we can go home and all curl up with books together... ahhh, books.

Re: Largehearted Boy: Contest - Win Nick Hornby's New Novel "Juliet Naked"

Shannon Truss — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 22:38:57 -0000

I think The Time Traveler's Wife was a good adaptation of a complex book - it stayed true to the spirit of the book without being hokey.

The worst may be City of Ember - although our whole family ripped through the book only to watch the movie this afternoon with underwhelming results

Re: Make Your Daughter the Talk of Halloween!

Shannon Truss — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:52:21 -0000

Words fail me. Who designs these? What photographers shoot the pix? Who on earth greenlights them? And do any of these people have daughters?!

Re: I Guess I'm Not as Good at Cocktail Parties as I Thought

Shannon Truss — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:07:18 -0000

Sounds like YOU aren't the one who's not good at cocktail parties. Had it happened to me, I would have been speechless and thought there was something wrong with me. Since it's your experience, I have enough emotional distance to say it's definitely her issue, not yours!

Re: A New Preschool Perspective

Shannon Truss — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:23:27 -0000

I agree that preschool isn't necessary (especially academically) and I really only sent my girls for my own sanity - a bit of time away being a good thing for all of us. But I will admit that my own 5 year old (who is the youngest of three) is far less prepared for Kindergarten than her sisters were. She did go to preschool a few days per week and that helped her be more independent than she otherwise might be. Her lack of preparedness for K has a lot to do with birth order and even more to do with her personality. She was totally resistant to working with me on letters and sounds, so I decided that pushing her would be completely counter-productive and make her hate the process of learning, instead of finding it fun.

On the flip side, socially and emotionally she's totally rocking and she could care less that she doesn't know as many sight words as her friends. I'm a bit type A being a first born, so I figure I can learn a lot from her laissez faire attitude about the whole school thing.

Re: The Car Rider Circle of Hell

Shannon Truss — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:38:18 -0000

I feel your pain and it makes me thankful we're at a school where I can opt out of car line (they are totally fine with walkers whose parents park and walk to the front of the school to get them). My only consolation to offer you is that I got a LOT of great reading done while waiting for my daughters to emerge back when I had no option other than car line!

Re: The One Who Got Left Behind

Shannon Truss — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:50:33 -0000

Beautiful post. Unlike Bruiser, my youngest already looks forward to her sisters going to college... so that she can be the only one to talk. Her eldest sister is 9, so she's got quite a wait coming!