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Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Sat, 23 May 2009 13:01:57 -0000

Hard knock ,
Then I'm glad I posted here. :) The best gift that we can give (aside from true love), is the gift of knowledge, as knowledge when accepted and applied can steer us from harsh experiences and undue hardship.
I'm glad my pain is your lesson learned and that 1 person stands to benefit from my life means (to me) that my life was not lived,nor my pain experienced in vain.May God bless you and may you be wiser,happier and stronger every day.EVERYONE is beautiful ,unique ,special and deserving of love,respect and compassion.
When you attempt with words or actions to hurt another human being regardless of motive what you are really doing is attempting to destroy a work of God.That is the single greatest thing to remember in life.
While hurting,using or exploiting another may have a temporary monetary or egotistical benefit...the "benefit" is
1.Short lived
2.at someone Else's expense
3.Irreversible
4. and not without consequence to the one being deceitful / unkind.

I am not here because I hate him,rather because I love other people. This site is intended to be jovial more so than helpful it seems...however I LOVE people. And my message is that people are worth loving and life worth living with a humble,compassionate and gentle outlook.
I hope you all find the love that you deserve to experience and I hope that love starts within yourself.
You gain strength from my strength? Well, I must say comments like that renew my faith in humanity.I "gain" hope and faith in humankind from your kindness.Thanks to everyone that has helped renew that :)

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Thu, 21 May 2009 09:43:26 -0000

Eaglescout414,
Thank you sweetheart.Your prayers mean the WORLD to me.You appear to have a beautiful little person beside you in your picture there.What a little cutie.I'm pushing forward.I see my doctor again June 3rd.What I look forward to is hearing that nothing's changed since the last visit.I don't expect to hear that I'm doing worlds better I just don't want to hear bad news.2 more months...then my chances of miscarriage get very slim.I've made it 4 so far..."just 2 more months"that's my daily prayer to God.As for myself I am ready to die if that is God's plan however if I am granted life I will from here on live smarter.I'm not saying that good men do not exist...simply that it is not my priority to continue searching at this time.God bless you and your family. :)

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:49:36 -0000

Lori,
Thank you we are trying to pull through and everytime I feel Him kick and move I sense He is a survivor!
I look down at him countless times a day and tell Him he's so strong and that mommy loves Him and is so honored that/ if He is the last thing I do.I was told I wouldn't make it this far! They have expected me to miscarry all along..He's still here!! This kid wants to be here I know it! He is due November 7th but they can opt for a c section a tad earlier possibly as early as mid September if it's warranted.If I make it till August then the baby has a better chance few women miscarry later than that.While people like the father piss me off as well,I oddly wish him the best.You don't understand why God made Him? God made Him to live a better life than what he is now,of that I'm certain.God may have created this man..but I think the world "made" him..something had to have happened to him.They say the biggest villains started as victims. It doesn't justify what he is..but there's no way he was just born this way.That's why it's important to tread lightly and compassionately with people,because we are all of a different design and something that you or I may experience and brush off would turn another person into a psychopath.
I just hope he gets it together and seeks help so that he can live the best life possible and one day be an asset to society instead of a burden on the planet,humankind and it's resources.God bless,honey. :)

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:33:28 -0000

Wporchard,
Thank you.:) Everything I "am" I am for this child. I can't say I'd be this strong if it was only me I was fighting for.I too believe in God and Jesus and I believe God forgives ALL AS LONG as a person TRULY feels remorse and asks for forgiveness.I have enjoyed my time in this world but I am also prepared to move on as I do believe it's the end of life and the beginning of something better.I appreciate that you are thankful for my life and see it as a contribution to the planet,for people as kind as you in this world I am thankful too. I think a few more people like the one's that have been commenting such kind words..would be all this world needs to heal.Let's hope there are more of us out here than the bad guy for the sake of our kids,for the sake of this world.God bless you.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 12:52:18 -0000

Z,
I'm afraid that one day that's exactly what will happen to him. I pray God changes his heart before it's too late.Otherwise God and Karma are gonna tear that boy apart.God bless.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 12:50:22 -0000

Aizad,
Honey,thank you :) We are fighting!! I am physically weak but emotionally strong! Good luck to you as well.God bless.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 12:37:40 -0000

Charles,
Thank you.It is very unfortunate.The cancer is what makes my situation so much worse. Had I simply gotten pregnant and then later been dumped it would not have been as bad. He runs off with money and gifts and an ego boost and I am here pregnant.BUT...I chose to amplify the situation..I could've aborted..had my hysterectomy..moved on,with fingers crossed,chemo,radiation and who knows what the outcome could've been?..but I want my baby to live more than I want my own life.The biggest tragedy is not this guy..it's not being here to raise my kid.Since baby is taking up all of the nutrients and blood that the cancer sought in my uterus the cancer is essentially forced to spread.It now has my bladder as well.
I have 5 months to go before baby is born.I can see what options I have after that.But yes,I do intend to fight.The best revenge would be to see him in the near future after baby is here.I want him to know that despite him..WE survived,are strong and that life for us goes on.He takes an eerie pride in being the end of me.I don't want him to get that satisfaction.And he was CERTAINLY never a candidate for parenting this baby!! What's to say my kid wouldn't be dead,abandoned or in foster care after he was awarded custody and money,a house and a car? I do not trust him.I'm not sacrificing my life only to place my kid in a situation like that.Would never happen.You are right about that as well.I appreciate your comment. :)
God bless.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Wed, 20 May 2009 12:23:07 -0000

Ferninja ,
Thank you. I am too humble to agree that I am in any way extraordinary. When my oncologist discovered I was pregnant (a month before I was scheduled for a hysterectomy to address the cancer) He told be I had "a tough decision to make" I was informed at that time that he could've very well given me a terminal diagnosis right then and there but he would reserve his opinions until after the results of my surgery were available. At that time,without surgical intervention..I would've had 12 - 14 months. A baby takes 9...I knew that. I never considered it an option. It was the ONLY possible choice for me. I don't intend to outlive my children. No parent wants to..and NO ONE wants to sacrifice their child to have a chance at saving themselves.I'd like to think that deep down anyone would've made my decision however I'd never criticize another for choosing a different outcome.What I'm saying,I suppose is that some of this is on me as it takes two people to conduct a relationship.I suppose I could've walked away from him at anytime but why would I when he was everything I wanted in a man..his acting skills were unparalleled.
While I am greatly touched by your kind words I MUST interject and challenge you on the part about you being "nothing compared to me" you served in IRAQ!!! I lost a brother there (Marines) and have a brother,Robert (Sargent,Army) over there now on his way home in July...military service is a Hell of a sacrifice.We don't send dummies over. We send our smartest,best looking,bravest...BEST men and women there to fight and possibly die.The things you've seen and endured humble me.I bow to you. GOD BLESS our troops,every branch,every rank.THANK YOU for keeping me and my baby safe.For your bravery,selflessness, strength and good nature...I send you much love in return.May God bless you all of your days.You have inspired and touched me from afar.Thanks for taking the time to do that. :)

Re: Sex Life Pwnage

TC2009 — Tue, 19 May 2009 23:20:32 -0000

Sad / hilarious as I have been there as well I. bought him the damn 360,all of the accessories,EVERY game he had on the damn thing,a magazine subscription for 360 he never once read and paid for a year of World of Warcraft and all of the software...it helps them regress to a place where they are 5 years old and where that's okay.LOL.It also promotes more time with his friends who always encouraged him to cheat on me which,my own money financed and to call me and ask me for more money with which they'd hire escorts,book hotel rooms and get drunk and high with in strip clubs.YOU ARE NOT ALONE.So laugh at that shit...laugh all the way to the next guy. ; ) God bless.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Tue, 19 May 2009 23:03:53 -0000

Must also say that while reading the feelings of others I didn't realize that the "headline" of the post was selected by the site admin or person(s) reviewing the submissions. The headline they chose for my post "Satan Incarnate" is not only a tad humorous in it's truthfulness but further confirmation that he was far from prince charming...when he's labeled the creep of creeps here with a headline like that,it's pretty bad. Props to whomever picked that.It caused a smirk.He's an ass,let's hope he grows feelings before the father,loving ex,brother,uncle or friend of some other poor girl he tortures finds and seriously hurts him.He's in my prayers daily.

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Tue, 19 May 2009 22:58:31 -0000

JR,
Thank you,you can never have too many hugs. : )
God bless,be well and I hope nothing too bad brought you here in the first place.
*a hug for a hug*

Re: Satan Incarnate

TC2009 — Tue, 19 May 2009 22:53:26 -0000

Honestly now I don't know...looking back I realized he was a con artist.I used to think it was so sweet that when we started dating he seemed to take such an interest in what I had to say.Listening attentively without saying a word...appearing interested while offering little about himself.Now in hindsight I know it wasn't sweetness or interest at all.He was trying to feel me out.My weaknesses,my likes,my beliefs,my needs.He then molded himself into all of that and after it was clear what I wanted,SURPRISE!!! he started sharing info about himself and gee..he was exactly what I wanted!!! (Because I'd already told him what that was) He knew that I was terminally ill battling end stage cancer and that I had money going in. I didn't know he knew.He probed a friend of mine that worked with him into telling him about me pretending to be interested in me...when unbeknown to her really he fell in love with the car I was driving when I'd drop her off and stories she told about my money and how I saved her from eviction and what a good friend I was.
Now that it's all come together she feels responsible and played.The news of my pregnancy was greeted by his fist through a glass plate in his front door after which time I was told to abort or he'd "do it himself"
He though nothing of methodically plotting and using and cheating and lying and even though my uterine cancer cannot be treated while I am pregnant and this pregnancy is going to cost me my life...he still feels no remorse.I take responsibility for my decision not to abort however I feel He should at least feel slightly guilty for a pregnancy and "relationship" that could've been avoided had he not lied in the first place.
I MADE MY BED.THIS IS NOT A SOB STORY,RATHER A WAKE UP CALL.
It is not too late for any of you.One relationship is NOT the end.You have a child abducted every 2 minutes,a person raped every 18 seconds,people starving all over the world,genocide,suicide,horrible diseases like cancer and AIDS,murder,poverty,homelessness and people being bought and sold...burn wards and intensive care units where people suffer horribly before they die.Keep that in mind when some shithead cheats...life gets worse than an unfaithful lover or a lie.It hurts but your lives go on and you go on smarter each time.If you come back in a year and read this I will be dead.GONE.My baby may or may not have survived. So please heed this advice...
1.Do the right thing often even if it costs you.
2.Know that you always get further employing integrity and humility then you do with dishonesty and cruelty.
3.Love yourself,even if you're doing that alone.
4.Take one person's no for an answer and move on so that you can take another's yes as a blessing.
5.DEMAND AND EXPECT respect,loyalty and honesty every day.
and...
6.Love those that hate and use you...for they are only capable of being their own downfall..God sees and blesses those that can endure the worst and forgive.May God bless you all.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To my "EX" :
I won't put you out there so I'll throw your initials out instead...
"J.E.M"
1.Thank you for my beautiful son , I have sacrificed my life to put him here if you have a heart pray for me that he makes it?
2.Thank you for the time you spent,even if it was spent deceiving me,as for a while I was blissfully happy...I could be mad but then I'd have to be mad about the last year of my life and EVERYTHING we shared ...my last smiles were from things you did...
3. I forgive you. I have made peace in my heart with you. I cannot and will not hate the father of my child.My heart and soul refuse to. I am harboring no hatred. I'm telling this story to help others. My soul and heart are at peace. I sincerely hope that your outlook and morale change shortly,so that you don't learn life's lessons the hard way.Karma's a bitch and Hell is worse... and there's a lotta people goin.
May God have mercy.I wish you the best.