Disqus - Friends of Gray62

Re: Disqus Officially Launches - PaulStamatiou.com

Lena Chen — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:03:32 -0000

This looks fantastic and has just saved my life. Installing it pronto.

Re: Calling All Techies (and Readers)!

Lena Chen — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:15:41 -0000

Hey, I saw it! Thanks so much. I'm going to figure out what exactly I want to get done and get back to you ... post mid-terms.

Re: Please, California.

Lena Chen — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:45:01 -0000

The only damage was my two-year-old psyche! This may be a reconstructed memory but I have visuals of me running into my mother's arms after the '89 quake. I was at the sitter's in San Fran.

Re: Molecules of (Social) Life

Lena Chen — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 23:05:45 -0000

Not unless you count blogging as procrastination on a problem set!

Re: Molecules of (Social) Life

Lena Chen — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:04:02 -0000

I'm going with "dead".

Also, "more balcony in my theatre"?? I love it!

Re: Hello, Weekend

Lena Chen — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:57:59 -0000

It's the dress. I've actually been losing my boobs lately ... working out = less fat for the chest!

Re: The Man I Could’ve Loved

Lena Chen — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:58:09 -0000

I've already left. I wrote this months ago. It's strange to read my words in retrospect.

Re: Where The Action Is

Lena Chen — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 03:23:25 -0000

Give me a break. Like I have a decorating budget.

Re: The Man I Could’ve Loved

Lena Chen — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:51:21 -0000

When it comes to matters such as these, there's hardly anyone to blame, least of all yourself.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 09:24:26 -0000

I think your comment just goes to show how easy it is for people to completely dismiss the responsibility of others to treat me with respect. There are a lot of shitty things that have resulted because of the website, but I've never disregarded the positives either. I'm reaching more people than I ever anticipated with my writing. A lot of the things I've discussed on the website from mental health to relationships has resonated with others. And I actually feel confident enough to seriously pursue writing as a post-graduate option.

It's unreasonable to expect me to give up doing something I love -- writing -- because people can't be mature enough to leave me alone in situations which do not warrant their intrusion. "Being an adult"? Living "with the subsequent consequences"? Since when did "growing up" entail putting up with the disrespectful action so of others?

Sorry, not getting yelled at by intoxicated peers is hardly too much to ask.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 10:05:56 -0000

I think you have a really fucked up world view because I -- and my friends -- try to treat everyone with respect, even those who don't deserve it.

And it IS 2007. Saying that disrespect should come expected to people who are open about sexuality is an even more antiquated notion than saying that disrespect should come expected to people who are open about HOMOsexuality.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 11:40:43 -0000

I’ve definitely requested things from readers (feedback, writing opps, IT help, even dates, etc.) and there are some readers I email with and reach out to because they’ve made regular comments on the site and are going through similar circumstances I can relate to. Still, I think interacting with my readership under circumstances I control is reconcilable with expecting privacy when I’m going about my everyday life.

In fact, for the most part, I’m even okay with people coming up to me if I’m in the dining hall or just walking around campus. It’s when people are interrupting private settings (like when I’m studying mid-exam period a the library or when I’m at a meal with friends) or approaching me in unwanted, disrespectful manners that I get annoyed. That sort of attention, over the span of months, has created an incredible degree of self-consciousness. There’s a sense of constantly being watched while on campus.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 11:54:00 -0000

M -- and if it doesn't appear as if I'm in the middle of a romantic evening or a family function, then you should go right ahead and say hi!

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 15:32:01 -0000

I think there’s a difference between interrupting me while I’m hanging out with my friends and striking up a conversation in an appropriate situation. The reason I immediately wanted to leave that particular party is because oftentimes, getting recognized once by one person escalates into dealing with more inquiries and more people.

Besides, I have interacted with enough people to have a sixth sense about intentions when I get approached. Being a reader interested in speaking to me as a person is worlds apart from being an observer interested in a pseudo cyber celeb. I’m perfectly happy to discuss relationship matters and the tough experience of the Ivy League and the common things that make us human. What I don’t appreciate is being treated like an object of fascination.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 21:13:38 -0000

Yeah, it also fuels completely inability to interact on a NORMAL person-to-person level. We're creating a generation of socially incompetent kids.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 21:17:00 -0000

I don't really expect people to alter their behavior but hopefully people will understand better where I'm going from. As for Williams, it was definitely on my "To Apply" list in high school.

Re: Honesty & Rage: Part I

Lena Chen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 21:19:15 -0000

Perhaps our paths will someday cross -- England isn't that far from Boston or New York! But in the meantime, feel free to email me.

Re: Anatomy of an Outfit: 11/08/2007

Lena Chen — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 21:58:54 -0000

I know, right? Sooo random.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 02:24:29 -0000

That's probably part of it, but as a country, we're pretty obsessed with "exotic" stuff in general (like accents, for example). I think the whole Asian fetish thing is wayy too multi-layered to sum up with any list of possible reasons and it's probably a combination of them all. Still, it's interesting to ponder its origins.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 02:28:01 -0000

But don't you ever ask yourself WHY you find Asians more attractive? I have no doubt that I like tall men (like 6' 3" tall even though I'm 5' 2") because I've been told that masculinity is attractive and that height represents masculinity. Or maybe there's an evolutionary reason. But you definitely weren't born thinking, "Whoo, Asians!" and unless I'm missing something, this is probably not evolutionarily to your benefit or anything.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 02:37:40 -0000

(I know I'm commenting on my own entry here.)

Also, I think it's particularly strange when some guys date exclusively Asian women and claim it's really just accidental. Asian people make up 4% of the American population. That's not a lot to choose from, even if you account for greater density in metropolitan areas and the Ivy League. For example, at Harvard, you just happened to date three people in a row from the same 10% of the student population? Like, really? Obviously, there's some pretty intentional selection going on here.

And I don't think it's fair to critique this the other way. Asian women who date white guys are not all self-hating, etc. because HELLO look at the options. Most men in America ARE WHITE. It annoys me to no end when critics of my blog comment about how I'm a traitor to my culture because I only date white guys, which 1) is totally untrue and an assumption because no one actually knows the races of the guys I'm involved with, and 2) indicative of how the concept of the Asian fetish has completely fucked up interracial dating for Asian women who now have to second-guess themselves and justify their choices to everyone.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:48:05 -0000

I find it a really interesting phenomenon from a sociological perspective but obviously I have a pretty big personal stake in it as well.

But as a general observation, if we're to simply accept that these preferences "just exist", then the picture looks pretty bleak for black women and Asian men whose dating options are significantly diminished by reason XYZ (specifics are arguable but there's SOME reason). So I guess it's not just a fetish for Asian women that bothers me so much as a desexualization of the two aforementioned minorities.

I think that interracial relationships (romantic or not) are definitely positive and are doing an enormous amount to combat stereotyping. For example, it seems like black men and Asian women are increasingly treated and viewed like their white counterparts; but even as we move toward a more mixed-race America, there are some groups that aren't being integrated at all. It's hard to believe that there will be ZERO impact on groups of people who very rarely inter-marry. In my mind, it makes it far more difficult to defeat highly racialized notions about these groups.

As a disclaimer, this doesn't mean someone should avoid dating within their race. I just think there are some pretty big social ramifications to which minorities inter-marry at the greatest rates.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:01:32 -0000

So that brings up a really interesting fact about interracial dating: researchers have found that once you've dated one person of a certain race, you're more open to dating other people of that race. Basically, a romantic slippery slope of sorts.

That might be why there's a ridiculous rate of intermarriage between Jews and Asians -- they're more likely to attend similar elite universities and hold professions in similar fields. And once they have one experience dating the other group, they're more likely to repeat that experience.

In my personal experience, that totally makes sense. You just get comfortable with a certain type of person. That's probably why I found myself dating a bunch of bankers in a row, then a bunch of musicians in a row, then a bunch of writers in a row, etc. Suddenly, the prospect of bringing home a poor Indian guitarist to mom is less scary if your last interest was a high-rolling Indian financial adviser.

Besides Hispanic guys or Native American guys, I've been involved with someone of every other race and I think it really changes your viewpoint on what's attractive. (Basically, you don't rule anyone out anymore at first sight and every person has potential). Not that I'm a proponent of affirmative action in dating or anything, but I guess those findings ought to encourage people to date races they haven't before. You might find that your preferences end up evening out.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:03:07 -0000

So if we procreated, would our kids then have super powers or something? That would be a MEAN mix.

Re: Economists Disprove Yellow Fever?

Lena Chen — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:22:54 -0000

In high school, I only dated Asian guys because all my friends were Asian. My longest relationship (a year and a half) was with an Asian guy.

College has been a different story. I kissed an Asian guy for the first time at Harvard two months ago (I made the first move). On the East Coast, I've only ever been hit on by one Asian guy, and he was half-Asian. I've only been on one date with an Asian guy and that guy was half-Asian too. Neither of them go to Harvard. I'd question my own prejudices but I'm convinced that maybe Harvard accepts a particular breed of Asian men who just don't find me attractive. Or maybe I fell in with a social crowd that doesn't have a huge Asian male presence. Regardless, it's not because I've decided to opt out of my race. This is not a problem I encounter in California. Every time I go home (both summers so far), I get attention from Asian guys and I've hooked up with someone Asian.

I think it's really presumptuous to throw an accusation of prejudice in my face when I've had plenty of opportunity to use that word in response to some of the other comments left under this entry but I've held my tongue, because I'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt.

I've dated or hooked up with guys who are white, black, East Asian, and South Asian. I don't purport to be completely free of racial prejudices but I'm betting that my history is more diverse than 90% of the American population's.

So. Where's my $100?