Disqus - Latest Comments for Dfiles

Re: My Mom’s Message to You: Do it Now

Dfiles — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 09:17:34 -0000

This is fantastic. Nice job, Jim.

Re: The First Big Good-Bye: When Your Oldest Goes to College #Blogust

Dfiles — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:01:59 -0000

Wonderful as usual Jim. Now I feel bad for letting out a joyous "HELL YEAH, FREEDOM!" before my parents had exited my dorm hallway.

Re: Dad Blogger Wants to Ban the Play Date

Dfiles — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 13:57:18 -0000

"What men are supposed to do?" Men are supposed to take care of their families, and Chris is doing just that. He's raising good kids and he's defying people like yourself who still practice the archaic notion of separating "men things" and "women things" into separate buckets. Raising kids isn't a male or female thing -- it's a parenting thing.

Get a clue.

Re: A Blogger and a Father

Dfiles — Tue, 03 Jun 2014 11:07:45 -0000

I'm amazed but completely not surprised at the grace with which you're dealing with this nightmare, Oren. And I know throughout this ordeal you'll somehow manage to be there for your family and somehow put an unspeakable tragedy into beautiful words for the rest of us. And that, my friend, is the sign of a masterpiece in and of itself.

Your family is lucky to have you and I'm lucky to know you and count you as a friend. I understand the future looks grim, but it's a future you won't face alone. And that's got to count for something.

We love you Oren.

Re: Bus Stop Pajamas | Daddy's in Charge?

Dfiles — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 10:15:05 -0000

Don't listen to Oren. He's not even from here. Foreigners don't understand the importance of PJs!!

Re: Bus Stop Pajamas | Daddy's in Charge?

Dfiles — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 10:49:33 -0000

Yeah Amie!!! Don't listen to John, he hates fun, creativity, and America.

Re: Being a Mom Among Dads

Dfiles — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 17:07:17 -0000

New reader here Jess but I've heard great things about you. And this post was fantastic. Really looking forward to meeting you in New Orleans.

Re: Fatherhood²: Four Dad Bloggers Who Are WAY Better Than Me, Part 1

Dfiles — Sat, 12 Oct 2013 16:09:18 -0000

Don't sell yourself short my friend, you're up there with the best of em and the rest of us don't know what we're doing. We just fake it til we make it. Thanks for the mention though!

Re: #BigLeagueDads (Tampa)

Dfiles — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 10:42:18 -0000

Well now I can't because it's bad luck.

Great game though and you had some good company last night. Hopefully the series doesn't come back to Fenway.

Re: The Sienna Minivan and the Perception of Masculinity. #VivaLasSienna | A Blogger and a Father

Dfiles — Wed, 28 Aug 2013 22:15:07 -0000

Nothing like being halfway through your own Toyota review to see Oren has said everything you wanted to say. Oh well, I'll chalk it up to great minds...

Re: The hardest thing I’ve ever done. Involving a hair style.

Dfiles — Tue, 14 May 2013 11:17:53 -0000

Well said Christi, right on the money. I'll do anything for my wife, but I'm not going to read her mind. If she wants something, she needs to tell me because I'm not going to guess. Ain't no one got time for that!

Re: In the defense of dads

Dfiles — Tue, 14 May 2013 11:10:32 -0000

Paul: To be clear and reiterate, I don't put this in the same class as civil rights or equal pay. Never have, never will. They clearly aren't on the same level.

But you say "If you don't like something, say something or do something about it." Well...isn't that what I (and many other dads) are doing? We see unfair stereotypes and we're taking your advice and speaking up about them.

Also, I'm on record as saying Al Bundy is the most awesome dad in the history of TV sitcoms. Mainly because he, Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, are CLEARLY hyperbole. Ray Romano -- not so much.

Re: In the defense of dads

Dfiles — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:44:01 -0000

I guess it depends on what you mean by call out. You wrote "So break the cycle by showing the REAL bumbling dads that THEY are the losers here."

All I'm saying is I wouldn't go up to them and call them losers. I don't think that accomplishes much. Some constructive criticism and suggestions? Sure. But further alienating a group of people who are already underperforming by making them feel worse seems counterintuitive. Believe me, I don't want to buy them an ice cream or give them a trophy, but when you preach to people about how good you are and how shitty they are, it doesn't really get the desired result.

Re: In the defense of dads

Dfiles — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:40:34 -0000

"I want you to understand that as a woman, my sympathy is going to be reserved for something else."

This is confusing. Mainly because my sympathies don't depend on things like gender and sexual orientation. If I see something that sucks or a group of people facing discrimination, I call it out. It's why I've written articles about having to rectify the gender wage gap despite not being a woman. It's why I've written articles about supporting gay marriage even though I'm straight. The idea that I should just suck it up because I was born a white dude just makes absolutely no sense to me, especially since I'm admitting there are far more atrocities in the world. I care deeply about those things, but that doesn't mean I have to stop caring about unfair stereotypes with dads.

Re: In the defense of dads

Dfiles — Thu, 09 May 2013 12:27:11 -0000

Agreed. More dads need to step it up. However, the involved dads calling out the "loser" dads is not a solution to the problem. Maybe they're not involved because they're truly deadbeats. Or perhaps it's because their wives are unbelievable control freaks who feel anything short of "their way" is the wrong way. Who knows. But the point is tearing them a new one isn't really going to help. That will come with showing them the importance of being a good dad AND them actually being allowed to do it.

And on the subject of "equal parenting," that's a term that needs watching. Lots of people call for everything to be split 50/50. But unless both parents are working full-time or both parents are stay-at-home, an even split is impossible. For instance, I work and my wife is at home. Therefore she does the majority of the laundry, the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. I take care of the trash and the dishes, while cooking 1-2 times a week along with general cleaning up on the weekends. Hardly a 50/50 split, but that's because I'm working -- I could never achieve that standard. Nor should I with her home full-time.

All of which is a long way of saying it's complicated and everyone needs to work together.

Re: In the defense of dads

Dfiles — Thu, 09 May 2013 09:15:30 -0000

So what it boils down to is that you agree there's a problem with how dads are represented in the media, but essentially you want us to stop whining about it because we're white American males.

And I think that's very wrong.

First of all, you and Paul are dead wrong about dads being upset because we're "being made fun of." That's not it at all. Also, it's not whining. It's justifiably calling people out on bullshit. I'm all for self-deprecation, but there's a huge difference between that and a potentially harmful perpetuation of the idiot dad stereotype. I don't think this is the civil rights movement or anything, but I do think there is a problem with how dads are treated when it comes to parenting. Is it as egregious as issues like the gender wage gap or gay people being denied equal rights? No. But that doesn't mean no one should say anything.

All we're trying to do is effect some change when it comes to how dads are perceived as parents and in the media. And that doesn't happen by staying quiet. That's been proven by involved dads calling out companies like Hasbro and Huggies, who have listened to us and actually revised their marketing campaigns because of our input. It's not much but it's progress, and it's progress made by being vocal.

Re: http://www.bloggerfather.com/2012/02/taking-low-road.html

Dfiles — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:18:00 -0000

Are some of the comments crossing the line? Absolutely. Her physical appearance has nothing to do with anything, and that's low class to make fun of her looks. That having been said, I agree with many of the comments -- even some of the ones you posted.

I think she is being ridiculous. She is being way too overprotective. And I do believe overprotective parents are a problem. Not THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE WORLD and maybe not even top 10. But still a problem.

And the one thing you overlooked is that she willingly put herself out there in the public eye. No one made her go to the press and no one forced her to pose for a picture. If she really wanted to do what's best for her kid she would've made her point to the school officials, pulled him out of school and move on. But that's not what happened. Instead, she chose to make a public spectacle of herself. And when you agree to be the center of a story you know will be controversial, you can't be surprised when you get some mean comments. That's how things work, and I don't really feel bad for her.

Re: NJ Father Legally Buys Gun for Son, Gets Visit From Dept of Children and Families

Dfiles — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 19:47:52 -0000

How do you know what the cops "attempted?" They went there for questioning, you don't know the intent that was in their heads. They didn't go into the home without a warrant because legally they can't, unless they're invited in by an adult who resides there. Bottom line is they didn't break the law. And neither did the father. I certainly didn't claim he did anything illegal. Ill-advised to give an 11-year-old a gun? Sure. But not illegal. So I guess everything is just ducky.

Re: NJ Father Legally Buys Gun for Son, Gets Visit From Dept of Children and Families

Dfiles — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 16:28:03 -0000

The cops didn't invade his privacy. They followed up on a tip, performed no illegal searches or seizures, and left when the homeowner asked them to. The police are doing their jobs well -- which is more than this father can say buying his pre-teen son an assault rifle.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Re: A Useful Rule for Dividing Household Tasks: Whoever Cares the Most Wins

Dfiles — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 16:25:18 -0000

Cecilia: Unfortunately you're right about societal expectations. But you're leaving out a huge part of the equation. When the unhealthy lunch, lack of craft supplies and disorganized birthday parties are spotted, you say moms feel judged. I agree with that. But it's the moms who are doing the judging! I've never been around a bunch of dads at a kids b-day party and heard anyone say "Can you believe they didn't get the big bouncy house??" It's not because we aren't interested, it's because we don't see the wisdom or value in making those judgments. So if you want to change societal expectations, don't start with men. Start with women harshly judging other women.

Re: A Useful Rule for Dividing Household Tasks: Whoever Cares the Most Wins

Dfiles — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:24:48 -0000

It's not. The argument isn't "men don't know how to do laundry." We do know how. We did it before we were with you and we do it now. The argument is when women say "you don't do laundry the 'right' way." The right way being like she does it. Or in the timeframe she wants it done.

I'm much more apt to put it off until the morning if the laundry doesn't need to be done at that moment. If I let it go too long that's a problem, but another day won't hurt. But my wife is Type A and needs it all done in the predetermined amount of time she envisioned at the beginning of the day. And I think that's unnecessary, because maybe I want to play with my kid. Or do something else around the house. I place less importance on that chore at that time. She disagrees, so she does the laundry. If she waited, I'd do it on my own and at my own pace.

Re: A Useful Rule for Dividing Household Tasks: Whoever Cares the Most Wins

Dfiles — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:19:11 -0000

Knowing who you're marrying is certainly a good idea. But the notion of agreeing to a defined set of rules at the outset and never deviating from that plan is completely unrealistic. Things change, priorities shift and circumstances are altered. What worked 5 years ago (hell, what worked 6 months ago) doesn't always work today. So as wise as it is to be absolutely sure about things before you get married, it's just as important to remain fluid and adapt when necessary.

Also -- at the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card -- I firmly believe if you truly love the crap out of each other and keep working at it, you can make it no matter what.

Re: A Useful Rule for Dividing Household Tasks: Whoever Cares the Most Wins

Dfiles — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:03:16 -0000

And it will get done. The problem most of the time is the timeframe in which it gets done. For example, perhaps you're someone who can't stand any dirty dishes in the sink, and must put them in the dishwasher ASAP. I'm not like that. I can leave them overnight before I do them on my way out the door the next morning. Neither way is "right," but all too often right and wrong is determined by the woman's predilections. She wants them done immediately so that becomes the "right" way to do it. Therefore my way would be "wrong" and I get grief for not being on her schedule.

Should men speak up and have that conversation when they disagree? Yes, and that's on them for keeping quiet. But if more women would compromise instead of taking a hard line on these things, that'd help too.

Re: A Useful Rule for Dividing Household Tasks: Whoever Cares the Most Wins

Dfiles — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:00:20 -0000

Hey Red, calm the hell down. He can do laundry, he just doesn't do it like his wife does. My wife is the same way. I fold clothes differently than she does and she hates it. That doesn't make her right, it makes us different. So if she really cares that much about how the clothes are folded, she can do it herself if my way isn't good enough.

Your irrationally angry comment is exactly the kind of thing that complicates this situation.

Re: Batman Rises and the Colorado Shootings: Hollywood Should be Ashamed

Dfiles — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 21:03:42 -0000

I think Jason wrote "causal."